Deadwood

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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Deadwood.

Deadwood is a HBO television series that premiered in March 2004. The series is a Western set in the 1870s in Deadwood, Dakota Territory, and is praised for its realistic portrayal of Western life, its intirguing plots, its colorful cast of characters and for bein' the most rootinest, tootinest hoedown in these here parts, stranger.

The show centers around the tiny mining town of Deadwood, the future site of the White House. The show chronicles the lives of its real-life inhabitants, including its main characters: Dick Cheney's great-grandfather Richard F. Cheneysworth and George Dubya Bush's ancestor Jebediah Kyew Bush, who interact with other characters based on people who are just as real but who nobody remembers. The trouble begins when Cheneysworth decides to buy Deadwood, rename it "Dickswood" and use its limitless oil supplies to fuel his locomotives, guns and furnaces. The lovable, clueless town drunk Jebediah Bush is commissioned to stop him, despite the fact that Bush is so dumb he thinks he's actually joining up with Cheneysworth even when they're shooting at each other!

Much hilarity ensues in this award-winning series, which, as all HBO shows are, is full of sex, guns, drugs, rock n' roll, swords, cows, zombies, black magic and talking. Lots and lots of talking.

Characters[edit]

Character Based On Profession in the Deadwood TV Series Description in one sentence Catchphrase Weakness
Richard "Dick" F. Cheneysworth
Ugly lookin' sucker.
Dick Cheney's great-grandfather, and founder of the Cheney Family. In the beginning of the series he is the CEO of 19th-Century Nike, then a slave plantation in the Deep South. He is the series' main villain.
Jebediah Kyew Bush
Say goodbye to the nice man, honey.
Here we see the famed vigilante "The Grey Bush" demonstrating his karate skills.
George W. Bush's real-life great-grandfather, ancestor and head of the Bush Family Like his great-grandson, Ol' Jebby is as dumb as hell, yet still manages to do a lot of cool and interesting stuff. He starts out in the series as the town drunk, then moves his way up to become slightly cooler things like a ninja assassin, filibuster, real estate salesman and drug smuggler. Then he meets Zorro and becomes the masked vigilante's new sidekick, "The Grey Bush". Finally, after much nonsense, sex and many confrontations with Cheneysworth (and many people he drunkenly believes to be Cheneysworth) the two head on down for a final showdown... "Hopefully, my great-grandson will be smarter than me am." Dumb as hell, poor grammar, and a substance abuser... but that's no surprise.
Sweary McSwearensen Al Swearengen Businessman/Owner of Gem Theater "Will we be more than targets for ass-fuckin'?" (Answer: no) Doesn't drink enough fluids
Seething Buttock Seth Bullock Sheriff/Owner of Star & Bullock Hardware. "Buttock SMASH!" Rageaholic, ass turns bright red when angry
Palma Garrnderson
You can really see the family resemblance, huh?.
Tricksie of the Gem, Pam Anderson's great-grandmother Palma is the chief love interest of Jebediah Bush, and a part-time stripper, gunfighter and nude model who strips to promote vegetarianism (don't ask me how that works). After the fateful shootout on Ass Rock, she skips the idea of carrying guns and has working pistols implanted directly into her boobs, allowing her to kill people with her chest. A hooker with a heart of gold.
Igor Hunchbacked retard who goes around bringing people brains. "Yeth, mathter!" (cackling and drooling) Foul disposition, nicotine
Dull Bill Hickok Wild Bill Hickok Famed gunslinger of the Old West. Gambling, then spending the money on strippers. Eventually shot by a stripper.
Alma Garret Wouldn't you like to know? Probably yo' mama! Widow of claim seeker, later married to prospector Whitney Ellsworth. Drugs, marriage.
Doc Cochran Chucky The physician of the camp. Wanted in another state for 116 killings over a period of 20 years
Cy Tolliver Tom Miller Owner of rival saloon, Bella Union Saloon.
Sol Star Sol Star The only Jew in camp. Religious affiliation
E.B.J.F. Sebastian Farnum E. B. Farnum Innkeeper of The Grand Central Hotel; Mayor. Jebediah Bush's best friend Magnet to hostility; a f***in' idiot
Joanie Stubbs Dora DuFran or Mollie Johnson Former hostess of The Bella Union/Co-proprietoress of brothel, The Chez Amis.
Francis Wolcott L.D. Kellogg Sociopathic geologist who worked for George Hearst. Knives and protitutes in the same room
Jewel Unknown/No Basis Disabled cleaning woman at the Gem. "Ten minutes to Wapner. Defuntly. Defuntly Wapner." Stairs, cinnamon
Mr. Wu Tong leaders Representative for the Chinese population of the camp; owns a pig pen. Size of english vocabulary
Sofia Metz No Basis Adopted daughter of Alma Garret; sole survivor of an attack on her family. Secretly a stowaway who pretended to be Norwegian.
Zorro
Hostetler Unknown/No Basis Literate black livery owner. Extremely low tolerance to interpersonal difficulties.
Samuel Fields Samuel Fields Self-proclaimed Union Army General (the Nigger General); keeper of horses. Not a big enough role to relaunch Franklin Ajaye's career.
Steve Fields Unknown/No Basis One of numerous camp drunks. Takes over livery stable on Hostetler's disappearance. Paranoia
George Hearst George Hearst Successful California businessman and prospector. Gold fever
Captain Turner A corpse Doomed enforcer and bodyguard of George Hearst. "Brains, brains!" Gets killed by the first drunk he meets
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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Deadwood.