Dealerships

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Dealerships were invented in the 1850s as a way to bring gambling to the midsection of the United States. These ships were powered by steam, and had huge boilers that burned people who owed money to the house. Aboard the ships, "Dealers" would attempt to hustle people out of as much money as they could. Those who ran out of money were used as fuel to reach the next stop. In the early 20th century, these dealerships went belly-up due to prohibition, and it was thought that they would never be seen again.

Evolution of the Dealership[edit]

That is, until Bernie Goldblum of West Phallus, New Jersey came into the picture. With Henry Ford's cars rolling off the assembly lines, Bernie saw his opportunity. Taking the idea of the Dealerships, Goldblum created a land-based enterprise by which he could lure people in, take their money, and have them keep coming back to him every few months to hand him more money. Bernie's venture was so successful, he soon couldn't handle it on his own. This led to the creation of the "Car Salesman", and the birth of the Dealership as we know it today.

How It Works[edit]

Modern Dealerships work on a very simple principle. They sell you a product that you can find nowhere else, yet need for everyday life. The product they give you is generally flawed in some way, requiring frequent repairs, which allows the Dealership to collect even more money from its victims. Even if the product is not defective, a long list of "maintenance needs" are given to the victim, detailing how often they should bring the product back in for "routine checkups". (Private medical services may operate on a similar basis).

Today, people are still burned when they owe money to a Dealership, much as they were on the old Dealerships of the 19th century.

See also[edit]