Debbie Does Dallas
|Debbie Does Dallas|
|Directed by||Adolph Oliver Bushe|
|Written by||Children's Television Workshop|
|Starring||Bambi Woods |
Barney The Dinosaur
Isle Beef Hooked
Mary Janyne Toker
Butter Shotit Onna Beli
|Produced by||Artificial Insemination|
|Distributed by||20th Centuary Fux|
|Release date||Prematurely in 1969|
|Runtime||8 mins before you get bored and turn it off.|
“Great movie, one of my all time favorites, even though I've never gotten past the first 7 minutes”
“In high-school I was voted most likely to suck seed”
“You can tell it was made in the 70's, Ron Jeromy's Dick has sideburns”
“I liked the Jewish remake better, Debbie Does Nothing”
Let's Make A Movie
In 1895, Simon of the Chipmunks fame wanted to branch out from his own TV show and into making educational movies for elementary schools, drivers ed classes, and nursing homes that would both educate the young and old. His films would help the youth of the United States become a more peaceful and caring nation with his heart warming and subtle approach to movie making.
Then he reached puberty and wanted to direct a porno.
Simon would be the pioneer of what is known today as the pornography business, by being the first person to actually make a movie with naked people engaging in sexual activity's & encounters that was disguised as a movie with a plot. (later years the idea of plot in porno movies was realized as just a waste of fucking time) Simon wrote a script for the idea he had in mind. Originally it was going to be called "A Slut and her friends fuck the neighborhood for a stupid cause" but later had to be changed to "Debbie Does Dallas" due to Mr. Rodgers (Neighborhood) already owned copyright to that title.
Simons original script was very detailed in every aspect. His ingenious in-depth scenes included the classics "Scene 1: Debbie Fucks someone", Scene 2: "Debbie Fucks Someone Else", and Scene 3: "Debbie Fucks the person from the first scene while the guy from the 2nd scene watches".
Simons 3rd re-write of the script was considered very ahead of it's time, but recognized by the "American Literature Association" in 1903 as a national treasure that would be sealed and preserved forever in Washington D.C right next to the Declaration of Independence.
Once the script was finished, Simon would bring in trusted associate Pee Wee Herman to be the executive producer, and called upon long time fuck-buddy Foghorn Leghorn to start casting people for the role. Word got around Hollywood fast that a new Pee Wee Herman movie was in the works, and it wasn't long before there where so many well established names in the business willing to sell there mothers to get into the movie.
Irene Ryan was the first actress to be cast to play the title role of Debbie. But she ended up coming down with a severe case of diarrhea the night before shooting was to begin, so at last moment Foghorn gave the role to Bambi Woods, who had only done 1 movie in her life, and was really looking to get away from the idea that she was just a childhood actor that had fallen on her face after puberty. Bambi was told she wouldn't get any money for the role, but Bambi said it was ok as long as her characters mother doesn't get killed in this movie, in which Simon was hesitant to lose scene 53, but agreed to the terms and threw away the whole necrophilia act between Bambi and her, recently shot by a hunter, mother. The production of the movie was granted a budget of over $25 million, which was the biggest grousing budget for a movie at that time until 4 years later when Steven Spielberg was granted $30 million for his epic porno masterpiece, "Shaving Ryans Privates"
Cast in the movie along side Bambi was new and uprising stars, David Hasselhoff, Big Bird, Ron Jeremy, Buddy Epson, Mickey Rooney and Mrs Doubhtfire as well as a few unknowns like Robert Lowe, Barney The Dinosaur and Herschel Savage who agreed to appear in the film provided it was tastefully filmed and it was the last porn film he ever did. Filming of the film begun on the first Saturday of May, only 2 days after the casting was complete. The filming process seemed to be coming and going quickly until David Hasselhoffs anal scene with last minute stand in Burt Reynolds for scene 12 was becoming a real hassle for the Hoff because he was not able to control his excitement and was finishing scenes 12 minutes too early of what was to be a 13 minute long scene. For 3 days they tried to shoot the scene, but David kept on blowing it. It was then the executive decision to fire David from the making of the movie, because there budget was 25 million, and Dave's outtakes had used up 24.3 million in unusable footage.
Almost Blew It All
It looked like the movie was going to either go over budget, or be canned all together. Cost cutting measures had to be put into place, and several scenes where going to have to be changed or wiped from the Script. However one scene was found on some existing unused footage, and restored for the 2005 special edition 100th anniversary release on DVD that ILM (industrial light & masturbation) where able digitally repair and enhance using CGI to complete the never before and unfinished 'Jabba The Slut' scene. With almost all the money wasted on David Hasselhoffs 'johnny came too damn quickly' problem, they had to bring in MacGyver to construct sets for them out of what little amounts of shit they could find from scrounging through neighborhood bins and dumpsters. Soon enough production and filming was back on track and the film was completed 10 minutes later. The movie was edited together by Lorena Bobbit who cut out a lot of penis' from the shot footage, and soon enough Debbie Does Dallas was set for public release.
The Debut of The Film
The opening premiere of the movie was on the 17th of October, at Grauman's Chinese Theater in Hollyweed. Celebrities and movie stars gathered by the 100's to attend the red carpet affair for the first screening of the movie. The movie was critically acclaimed as the best porno film ever, which was a huge honer for the cast and crew of the film, as it was the first time that award had ever been given. It was given 2 cocks up by Siskel & Ebert and 5 gold stars from Ernie & Bert and the movie went on to become the #1 box office smash of the year.
Reviews given to the film during it's opening weekend
"Two Cocks Up" - Siskel & Ebert
"Fantastic!" - New York Times
"Brilliant!" - Time Magazine
"I couldn't get back into it after the first 15 minutes, but I did like what I saw" - Oscar Wilde
"She's was a very horny laaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyydeeeeeeeeeeee" - Jerry Lewis
"I wanna tit-fuck her ass" - The Tourettes Guy
"I thoroughly enjoyed this film very much, and so did my wife and family. This is sure to be one of the all time greats that should be seen by everybody, it sure is hours of fun for the whole family, or at least the first 15 minutes by the boys" - Bill Clinton
"I loved the scenes where nothing but Debbie's butt was on screen as she took it doggy style, it looked just like a little boys" - Micheal Jackson
"Shitttttttttttttt...pickle" Shit pickle
The Impact Since DDD Day
Debbie Does Dallas went on to win 9 Academy Awards for "Best Picture", "Best Directing", "Best Leading Lady", "Best Decision Made To Fire David Hasselhoff", "Best Scene In A Movie Involving 2 Midgets And A Nun With Half A grapefruit", "Most Creative Use Of A Didgeridoo", "Most Climax Shots In A Movie So Far" & "The Thank Fuck They Didn't Cast Clint Eastwood Award". The film made a total gross of 181 Billion dollars and was applauded that a sequel was not rushed out 6 months later. 3 Years later a sequel was written called, "Debbie Does Daytona" (1903) where Debbie's boyfriend is a Nascar driver who just wants to win the Daytona 500, so she blows all the other drivers when they make pit stops, however the movie was met with critical acclaim that they gave in and hired Clint Eastwood as the leading man and was given the big thumbs down.
"Debbie Does Dallas" has been remade by some of the best directors in Hollywood today, such as the 2001 remake "Debbie Does Dallas 2000" directed by Rob Zombie and the Jewish incarnation directed by 'Rabbi Mel Brooks' titled "Debbie Does Nothing". Several other low budget attempts using the same title have surfaced since the impact of DDD day, but none where as powerful and recognized as the the world renowned original.
Their has also been a Broadway musical production incarnation of Debbie Does Dallas that starred Angela Lansbury in the role of Debbie in 2007 that was received with mediocre success. Fans of the original movie turned their noses up at it, but fans of Matlock flocked to see Angela get her gear off and shake her booty live on stage for the 13 month hall in hot steamy scenes with her co-star's Dick Van Dyke & Phyllis Diller.
The Greatest DVD Of All Time
(8 Disc Box Set)
Fans had been demanding that Debbie Does Dallas be brought to DVD since the time digital video discs weren't even thought of. Disney where working hard on making the ultimate release for the fans of Debbie Does Dallas. And soon enough the greatest DVD ever released to date was launched upon the marked. And became the fastest selling DVD of all time for just how awesome it was and what was contained in the bonus features of the box set. The DVD has sold more copies then any other movie in world history. It's a well known fact that if you do not own this, weather it be official or illegally downloaded, then you are nothing more then a gay Richard Simmons fan that should be anally raped by Bog Sagat.
The Box Set Also Includes
Reviews For The DVD
"The layout of this movie is suburb, We where on the edge of our seats, never have we seen such a classic come back to life on DVD as this: tho it still lost it's excitement after 15 minutes for some reason?" So, overall we do recommend this movie highly, but we're still yet to see the end of it" - Siskel & Ebert
"I absolutely loved the reunion footage, they might have all changed a fair bit over the years, and a few wrinkles hear and there, and yes of coarse theirs a lot of gray hairs and sagging ass', but the fuck shots are still as good as ever, if not better! and the 3D option is great! I was trying to reach out and touch them, it's amazing! I even found myself ducking at the end of the scenes!" - Ron Jeremy
"The audio commentary was so great to listen to on one of my all time favorite movies. I had no idea on a lot of the great info that I was told; I particularly liked finding out about the camera and film tricks they did, like in one scene where you see the guy doing her in a doggy position, they inform you that the camera is placed in front of her, so you cant see the guys happy swingers behind her, it was a long day, and he had already gone whoopees several times, and she was beat, so before they wrapped up, she did some acting and faked that she was being pumped, and he had a limpy, hiding behind her, but pretending he was giving it to her, then they filmed the climax shot several days later! wow, amazing stuff all right! it should have been an award winner for all the great things they did with the film and how it all came together in such a brilliant way.... i'm thinking I might like to remake this film, I can see Tom Cruise and Helen Hunt playing these infamous roles some day" - Steven Spielberg
"This DVD sucks. For a number of reasons. First, they have not added new scenes created using over killed CGI effects, they have not completely changed the original tone of the film with additional scenes or replaced any characters. I think the worst thing is for the people who made this DVD transfer did was actually listened to what the fans wanted, and left the original footage alone, presenting it how it was 300 years ago. But I am thankfull they at least put the Jabba The Slut scene back in, but why didn't they add more CGI characters? GRRRRR, THE POSSIBILITIES WHERE ENDLESS... if it was my movie, i'd get ILM to make the girls breasts bigger, have the men have anaconda sized penis that they could use as swords to fight off a group imperial 6 breasted Ewoks, and I'd invent new characters like a talking vagina that sings karaoke, or what about a bounty hunter with a dick so enormous when he cums he blows up the Death Star, and Debbie has to go see a green Midget that blows the crap out of her ass with the power of his mind alone" - George Lucas
- Porn star
- Porno Titles That Should Exist, But Don't
- Pornographers for the Extermination of Terrestrial Animals (PETA)
- Walt Disney
- Sesame Street
- Porn & Peanuts
|This aritcle needs proofreding!!!|
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