December 17: International Talk like Jar-Jar Binks Day, Hairdresser Appreciation Day
- 1099 - God passes the Enforced Hair Styling Act.
- 1723 - Elton John is hatched in the basement of Benjamin Franklin after a failed attempt to clone a grue.
- 1862 - During the American Civil War, General Ulysses S. Grant issues General Order 11, expelling all hairdressers from Tennessee, Mississippi, and the coomonwealth Kentuckistan.
- 1899 - Norway invaded by evil molemen. Millions killed in two weeks of slaughter as the Molemen, under their leader Bert, systematically destroy all in their path. No-one notices.
- 1903 - Orville and Wilbur Wright open their first full-service hair salon, with two wash stations and a stand-alone dryer.
- 1939 - Hitler freaks out because he only has 8 days of Christmas shopping left.
- 1989 - Fox debuts the animated series The Simpsons, after the show's creators agree to cut the character Mar-Mar Dinks.
- 1999 - We-sa no give a crap 'bout de new alien in-a de Star-sa Wars movee. He-sa bom-bad crappee!
- 1999 1/2 - C3PO now has competition in the annoying Star Wars character department.