Defensiveness

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

Welcome to my article. I put a lot of effort into it, so I hope you appreciate it. In fact, it took me several weeks of writing, editing, reviewing and re-editing, but I finally put together one of the most coherent, interesting, and informative pieces of writing that I have ever done. I think it explains the concept of defensiveness in such a manner that anyone unfamiliar with the term would understand it completely. My use of examples should be particularly helpful. I hope you find it as worthwhile as I believe you will.

So go ahead, read it. Read every sentence thoroughly. Have I persuaded you to begin? I'm sure I have. I bet you're reading it right now. It feels good to me to know you are so interested in my article.

Accepting feedback[edit]

I'd like some feedback when you're finished. Constructive feedback, that is. Not like the last person who read it - was she ever nasty! She said, "it's pretty good, but I think you need to add a few photos and some headings. Furthermore, the tone is too informal." Can you believe that? Pretty good??? I mean, this is one heck of an article. Not that I'm pretending to be a Margaret Atwood or a J.K. Rowling or anything; but I think my writing is fair. She could have said "very good" or "fairly good" or even just left it at "good." But pretty good - I mean come on. That's an insult.

Anyway, I added headings like she suggested. Just a few. I mean, it's not like it really needed headings - it looked just fine without, I think. But I can take criticism. It all goes along with understanding today's topic. And the informal tone actually enhances the reader's experience, don't you think? Well, tell me. Tell me what you think. It's okay, I can handle it. I'm a mature, confident adult who doesn't let a little difference of opinion get to my head.

You think it could be 'slightly more formal'? Hmm... well, that's fine. I could use fewer contractions, switch to the third person, maybe write it in Edwardian script and use a quaint English accent if you're so unsatisfied with the lack of formality, if you think the tone requires improving, as if it isn't good enough already. I can take a hint. Your criticisms of my English writing ability don't bother me; though I can certainly read between the lines, you know. Oh, "you know" is too INFORMAL, is it?? THAT'S JUST FINE, I APPRECIATE THE FEEDBACK! ...oh, pardon me. You might think the capital letters a tad forceful. Do you? WELL HOW ABOUT ADDING A LITTLE BOLD TYPE, THEN, EH? Still not right? SHOULD I PUT IT IN ITALICS, TOO?????

Please allow me the privilege of careful consideration of one of your suggestions. I shalt embellish my script with a slight, but satisfying, air of formality as thou hath requested:

Formal definition of defensiveness[edit]

Defensiveness is a common noun precisely describing the condition in which individuals respond emotively to situations that elicit particular aspects of personal psyches, in order that they may protect the 'ego' portion of their personalities ~ as discussed by Sigmund Freud ~ resulting in defence mechanisms of various levels of complexity.

Formal enough for you? Ha!

I see that grin on your face. You are truly charmed by my exquisite style, aren't you? ...what's that? You meant "more formal," not "wordy?"

WORDY??????????????????????????

Defensiveness[edit]

Come on, now. I sit here, doing my utmost to perfect the article specifically to your personal liking, to consider your needs above all other readers, to satisfy your every whim, and all I get is "wordy." "Wordy." As if I have gone overboard, as if I reacted so strongly to your rude, incompetent, dumb-ass comments that I sound like some overpaid academic using three-page sentences to get across a simple concept that any child could relate better in three words! Of all the audacious, egotistical, hotheaded...argh!

"Wordy."

Really.

You think I might possibly, if I don't mind you saying, be getting a little - but only very slightly - defensive?

Just a little?

I work for three weeks on this precious article to explain as articulately, clearly, and vehemently as I can the definition of "defensive," using exceedingly obvious examples - capital letters, bold, italics, exaggerated language, and my best thesaurus to boot - and all you can say is that it sounds very slightly defensive? HOW DARE YOU.

Well! If that's how little you think of my efforts, then... well... you've really hurt my feelings! You don't think my article is very effective!! WAH!! I want to cry all over this page! Where's the key for teardrop?




And that, my readers, is an article explaining the meaning of defensiveness.