Deirdre Barlow

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Deirdre 'The Neck' Barlow
Deirdre 'The Neck' Barlow
Date of birth: The Dawn of Time
Place of birth: Weatherfield, Manchester
Nationality: Slovak
Religion Scientologist
Spouse Ken Barlow
Children Tracy 'Killer' Barlow

Deirdre Anne Gertrude Speccy Francis Ken's Wife Barlow (formerly Rachid) is best known as the forever miserable bint on the British television show Coronation street. We really should feel sorry for her by now though, this ones been some shit she has. She joined the show in 1972 and is likely to be killed off within the next few years due to her neck frightening children.

She is internationally known throughout the world as a dozy twat.

Early Life[edit]

Born in the 1940s, in Bratislava, Slovakia, on a June night, Deirdre was abandoned by her parents due to their chaotic lifestyle. Eventually she was took in by a middle-class couple, who brought up to perform for people. Starting off walking on her hands and juggling fire for the amusement of tourists, she eventually progressed to the circus of horrors in which she was treat badly, being forced to suck her neck in to expose her horrendous looking neck strings, or be beaten with objects. She eventually hid in a crate of fish on a Britian bound passenger ferry.

Embezzlement[edit]

Deirdre Barlow was recently imprisoned for “Improper use of acting funds”. A crime in which she embezzled her wages to purchase the famous “Rovers Return”. Unfortunately on purchase she discovered that it was just a movie set and that the beer was really liquid honey mixed with Dilmar Tea from Ceylon. Do try it. Arrests have been made for monkey abuse for dropping "Pianos on my foot".

Personal Life[edit]

Deirdre met Ken Barlow (who in 2003 was officially voted the most boring person to have ever existed). She got knocked up by someone else while she was with him and spawned Tracy Barlow (evil cow) who made her life very stressful, which is when she took to smoking like a chimney.

A few years after being with Ken, she only went and started fucking someone else by the name of Mike Baldwin. The love triangle went on for years as the unsuspecting Ken only just started to begin getting suspicious. He began to find things hidden in her drawers, such as used condoms and images of her posing for the camera man. Ken had no doubt she was getting laid by someone else, but he had to find out who.

He found out soon after, leading to a big punch-up, while the shit stirring bitch just stood there watching the men she loved beating the living shit out of each other for her.

She wasn't very interesting for a lot of years, until she started having sex with toyboys and getting arrested and whatnot.

Due to smoking apparently, she has a man's voice.


Football Career[edit]

After a brief love affair with Gary Neville, who was a guest on the show some time ago, Deridre signed a contract with Manchester United, replacing Eric Cantona as the Cockney idol. Despite 14 hat-tricks in 2 games, and the infamous single-handedly winning the world cup moment on her England debut, Deirdre was not offered a new contract, not by United or any other club in world football. Deirdre returned to the street to shag Kenneth, and all was forgotten about and never mentioned again, along with her imprisonment, richard hillman, and the fact that nicky tilsley went upstairs a spotty 13 year old, and came down a toned 24 year old adam ricketts.

See Also[edit]