DMV

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Welcome to DMV. Christine will deal with you shortly.

The DMV is a somber establishment wherein sadistic semi-cannibals take out their twisted obsessions on normal, confused persons. It is unknown how the vampires lure these unsuspecting victims to their inescapable lair, but many authorities suggest that a type of hypnotic suggestion is used. Many people have referred to the DMV as the 13th level of Hell.

Den of Malicious Vampires[edit]

The DMV is usually a large catacomb attended by glowering bloodsuckers. Using their mystical powers, they force their victims to sit in theater style seating waiting their turn at the altar. All victims of the DMV are cruelly forced to watch the shaming mutilation of their peers while they are powerless to move. The vampires enumerate their victims in order to humiliate and de-humanize them. This process removes all fight from the sufferers so that the vampires may easily take advantage of them at the altar.

The altar itself is a bizarre contraption. Not only does it serve as a platform where the victim's most precious assets may be ripped away from them, but it also separates the vampire from their victim. These vampires focus on the torture of the eyes, hands, and even ears, and there are implements fitted into the altar for these evil practices.

Once the victims have been drained of enough essence to render them dejected and powerless, the vampires catalog them by forced portrait photography. These pictures are purposefully taken under the worst possible lighting conditions, and the picture takers strive with utmost care to capture the fear and anguish of the spent victim. Oddly, the DMV operatives are invisible in these photos, in much the same way that they do not reflect in mirrors.

The vampires then force their victims to carry an identification card with this picture with them at all times. It seems that the vampires wish to extend their cruel manipulation of their victims beyond the gates of the DMV.

Once the victim has its card, it sends out a tracking signal for all the vampires to see and it also seems to be able to disappear when you most need it ( buying beer, proof of age, information for Kitten hurling battle etc.). The victim is drained of all life and leaves with an empty feeling. the path away from the DMV is called the walk of death by many. It is riddled with the dead and dieing, vultures, crosses that failed to work, unbroken vials of holy water, and the walk has poison spikes if you did not accomplish what you wanted to do in the DMV.

No weapons are allowed inside the DMV so that the victims are completely defenseless. Furthermore, the attendant vampires prevent the use of tobacco so that victims are unable to kill themselves as the suffering of the DMV's entrapped playthings is intensified.

The DMV is supported exclusively by the pain and suffering of its victims.

The Long March in regard to the DMV[edit]

The Long March, embarked upon by Chairman Mao, was designed to avoid a long line at the DMV. Little did he realize that Asians, even in China are bad drivers and are not allowed to pilot any motor vehicle including cars, boats, and animals. That excludes the Japanese, but they like to set front-wheel drive cars on fire and drive rear-wheel drive cars sideways.

See also[edit]

WikiaW.png
For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called specialists at Wikia have an entire wiki about Hell