Derren Brown - Inside Your Mind

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
"This program fuses magic, suggestion, psychology, subliminal messaging, exploitation, connery, theft, pain, hatred, misery and evil.
I commit all the illegal offences you'll see through a varied mixture of those techniques. At no point are consideration or common sense used in the show."


My name is Derren Brown, and I'm inside your mind. On this page, I will offer amazing snippets from Derren Brown's Mind Control, Skin Control and Cruise Control, which I have pieced together on a DVD entitled Inside Your Mind. Now, these are illegal, underground shows that we're talking about, so throughout the show can be seen regularly breaking the law. But that's our little secret, so don't tell anyone; or I'll shut you up myself, pal. But enough banter. Inside Your Mind is the definitive guide to cheating life that anyone with malicious intentions must see.

Here I am making a man forget what stop he is getting off at on the London Underground.
Here I am happily collecting up a man's watch, house keys, wallet, phone and dignity.
Here I am buying a $4500 ring, with blank paper. Oh, joy. Finding this baby out was almost orgasmic.


All of us can be influenced through psychological techniques. For example, if I say, "don't imagine me sucking your balls", what do you immediately do? Well you know what you imagine me sucking your balls, because the command "imagine me sucking your balls" was there in the sentence. Lucky you!

Using embedded commands like this can fuck up people's minds sometimes, and when they're in this state, their mind is basically yours. So let's go on and exploit!

Psychological Mind Vunerability Exploitation Tactics[edit]

What Stop Are You Getting Off At Again?[edit]

Making people forget what their stops are is awesome, and gets funnier every time! What you do it tell people to stop thinking about their stop, and it's gone. The poor sod presently misses his stop and his boss fires him. This one's very good if you're angry with life and want to bring other's down.

“...So if you really think about it now, what stop, thinking about it now, what stop, thinking about it now, are you getting off at? Haha, you forgot. Rinsed.”


Can I Just Grab Your Wallet...[edit]

If you're ever low on cash, why not use a random stranger as your hole in the wall, as it were? "Why, that's a brilliant idea," I hear you say. And here's how it's done. Talk too fast so they get confused, build up some trust in them, and then out of nowehere, BAM! Tell them to give you their wallet. It all happens so quickly that they shell out their money like it's candy! Did you know this is my primary source of money? Well it isn't! Or is it?

“So the pleasure beach is down there? Ok cheers, thanks a lot that's really helpful and can you just hold that a second while I grab your wallet? That's great, cheers! Oh, and your house keys would be great too...OK, cheers! Dumbass.”

~ Derren Brown on Russian Scam

Paying With Paper[edit]

So I'm walking down the road, yeah, and I realise I've packed paper instead of money! And I'm like, Derren, you asshole! You can't pay with paper, only some sort of smartly-dressed mind magician with faintly ginger hair and a glint in his eye can do that! But then I'm realising, since the word "only" I was describing what I saw the the reflection of a shop window. Anyway, this trick put all of my cunning and slickness to the test. Here's what I said:

Here I have Robbie right where I want him and prepare to get back at him for being a jerk.

“So I was REAL intimidated at first to JUST TAKE the ecstasy, but my friend said, "Take it, take it, it's FINE, it's FINE". Now it's GENUINELY great, and you can see now that I've just given you blank paper instead of money. I'll be sprinting away now.”

~ Derren Brown on copying Team America

Sticking Needles In Robbie Williams[edit]

I've always hated that bastard Robbie Williams. And do you know why? Because he's a tossbag, that's why. And in late December last year, Christmas came early for me. I got to stick needles in His Lordship's arms! And all thanks to three blind mice. Well, I mean the song. What you need is: two needles (long ones), two dabs of water, one torturously repetitive nursery rhyme, and a malicious-looking device for supporting one's arms. I gentley hypnotised him, making him sing three blind mice, and then, without warning; POW! I plunged two one-foot needles straight into his arms. It felt good, I can tell you that. I don't think Robbie would agree though! Hehe. Anyway, with the needles in his arms, I promptly packed up my stuff and headed home, leaving him there, screaming in pain and anger. Then about a week later we remembered he was still strapped to the mechanism, and went back to free him. This wasn't so much of a trick as a profitable lashing-out at one of my enemies.

In Conclusion...[edit]

Derren: One, Life: Nil.

Oh yeah! Who's ya daddy?!