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The Dialects are a tribe of pygmies from the tropical rainforests of Norway. They have vowed to destroy all peace loving nations in the world, and even France if they can be bothered. They are probably best known for their appearances on popular televisual show, Doctor Who, although unlike all The Doctors' other enemies, the Dialects were actually trying to kill The Doctor and the cameras just happened to be rolling.

Dialects often have their names tattooed on their exo-skeletons to prevent the need for small-talk at parties.


When Norway was nuked by South Dakota in The Great War, the worst affected areas were far away from the urban and industrial centres of Norway, partly due to South Dakota's reverse psychology tactical strategy of bombing everything apart from possible strategic military targets.

They did try out another type of exo skeleton, but soon abandoned the idea as people kept feeding them paper.

The Dialects, who had already been banished to the countryside, were left horribly disfigured, and decades of coughing up spleens and giving birth to mutant babies later, and unable to withstand the glow of the sun, they set about crafting metallic exo skeletons for themselves, complete with rudimentary plungers.

Led by their creator, a mad scientist and evil genius, they declared war on North Dakota in 1937, then after looking at the map again, they declared war on South Dakota in 1938. Shortly aftwerwards, North and South Dakota became allies, and joined the USSR, thus cementing their relationship with the superpowers of the world.

Undeterred, the Dialects then declared war on every Axis and Ally in 1940.

However they were almost compleatly wiped out when they declared war on The Borg. Allied with The Doctor, The Borg assimalated their casings with them inside making them Borg prisoners or assimalated drones while The Doctor using his powerful police box locked many of them in the Void. Only 1 Dialect survived, Upper-Class British. But Still be Careful they are the most Supreme race in the Universe (yeah right).


Well that's just ridiculous.

Standing 2 feet high, with their bright markings and dressed in their regulation saris, the Dialects are a fearsome sight to behold, especially when drunk. Although only small with limited muscle capability, their exo-skeletons provide them with much needed armour and firepower. Fitted with registration plates, headlights and windscreen wipers, they are considered roadworthy under the Road Vehicles Act of 1945. Capable of speeds up to and including 900 miles an hour, Dialects are notorious for winning Grand Prixs. Ace racing driver Michael Schumacher was born to a Dialect, and the resemblances are made obvious when looking at his chin. They have difficulty in manoeuvring within enclosed spaces, and they are unable to use lifts as the buttons are always out of reach.

Each Dialect is equipped with the following weaponry:

Dialects developed a trunk during the nuclear winter brought about by the Great War. The trunk was used to suck up all the remaining nutrients out of the radioactive soil, and has been adapted over time for use during foreplay.


The Dialects believe in the creator, Dyson, and no one else besides, except maybe Cher. They are highly opposed to the Church, and as such, they can be heard to shout "EXCOMMUNICATE" at every opportunity. Despite this, many Dialects turned up for the Pope's funeral, and several Dialects were even see to be shaking hands with notorious gangster, Robert Mugabe.



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