Diary

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“I sang this song”


February 21, 2009

Dear Diary,

Today, I had sex with Tamia. I was like, at a bar, like, drinking and eating nuts and shit, right? And this singing chick comes up to me and starts talking to me, right? And she has a little bit of an accent, but I'm cool, right? So I go back to her place, on Phoenix, and I get up there, and I notice she has a big red blanket thingy draped over her bed, with one of those upside down star things, on it, right? The Satan thing. So then we're fucking, and she starts yelling "I just want more; I can't get enough of you, Oscar!". Crazy, right? Goodnight, diary.

Sincerely, Oscar W.


February 22, 2009

Dear Diary,

Today, my daddy beat me. So I was like, at my house, like, eating dinner and watching football and shit, right? And my daddy comes up to me and starts yelling at me, right? And he's a little bit angry, but I'm cool right? So he tells me to come over, to the other side of the living room, and I notice his fist is all clenched, like he's gonna punch somebody, right? The angry thing. So then he's beating me, and I start crying. Crazy, right? Goodnight, diary.

Sincerely, Oscar W.


February 23, 2009

Dear Diary,

Today, I killed a homeless person. So I was like, downtown, like eating some pizza and buying a bike lock and shit, right? And this homeless man comes up to me and starts asking for money, right? And he's a little bit desperate, but I'm cool right? So he asks me for money, just sitting there in the concrete, and I notice he's really dirty, like he hasn't showered in forever, right? The homeless thing. So then I get scared, and I hit him over the head with a bike lock until he bleeds. Crazy, right? Goodnight, diary.

Sincerely, Oscar W.


February 24, 2009

Dear Diary,

Today, I was accidentally racist. So I was like, at this restaurant, like having lunch with my supervisor and shit, right? And he comes up to me and starts saying hi, right? And he asks me if I'd be okay to reschedule, but I'm cool right? So he says somebody broke into his house, on Fourteenth Street, and I notice he's really sad, like he's upset that his house got broken into, right? The stress thing. So then I try to comfort him, and I'm asking him if he thinks it happened because he's a black. Crazy, right? Goodnight, diary.

Sincerely, Oscar W.


February 25, 2009

Dear Diary,

Today, I bought a sex toy intended for women. So I was like, at this sex shop, like looking for things to get my boy Steven for his bachelor party and shit, right? And this salesman comes up to me and starts asking me if I need any help, right? And he asks me if I'm looking for anything, but I'm cool right? So he starts trying to get me to buy something, from the female sex toy section, and I notice he's being really persuasive, like he's really good at his job, right? The salesman thing. So then I'm listening to him, and I buy a big, long shiny pink thing. Crazy, right? Goodnight, diary.

Sincerely, Oscar W.


February 26, 2009

Dear Diary,

Today, I kicked a little kid in the face. So I was like, at this grocery store, like looking for some chocolate milk and shit, right? And this little boy comes up next to me and starts grabbing some soymilk for his mom, right? And I can't find the chocolate milk, but I'm cool right? So I'm turning around to walk away, up to the register, and I turn around really quick and kind of whip my leg up, like I'm going really fast right? The swift thing. So then I swing my foot around, and I kick the little boy in the face and he lunges backwards. Crazy, right? Goodnight, diary.

Sincerely, Oscar W.