“I hate all these stupid poke-wait, digi...mon?”
“This s**t makes Knight Rider look good!”
“I don't get it. Are they like super-pokemon?”
“Oh my God! It's a giant ripoff! It's a ripoff... and it's giant!”
“Whoa, man... these little dudes can talk!”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, so your saying I wasnt high? Impossible! I saw crazy ass shit! Monsters transforming to badasseir monsters, kids transforming into monsters, monsters transforming into kids, monsters transforming into eggs, monsters transforming into some weird, spikey haired douchebag kid, and even more weird shit! Your telling me it was real!?!?!”
“Huh? What does this have to do with the cotton gin?”
“If they would just hold still...”
“Digimon? Okay, I really need to lay off the kitten huffing...”
“This show is so awesome! Okay, so there was this one time when this bad guy was attacking all the good guys, but then Augumon turns into this giant dinosaur and starts shooting fire at everything, but then the bad guy starts shooting fire back, and everything blows up!!”
“Lol,Pokemon is only designed for cute and are not suited for battle. Our Wargreymon can easily pwn their groudon in 1 millisecond.Digimon for da win! BAM!”
Digimon is a original show about monsters that appear in the computer. Most of its fans care about the powerful and awesome monsters that are
copy of the pokemon fairly original and awesome.
History of the
Legend tells that 100 years ago, Norm MacDonald realized that there was a huge plague of Pokemon, so he decided to create the Digital Monsters to obliterate the infestation. Norm originally wanted to defeat them strictly through verbal skills, but quickly realized that Digimon are wickedly strong. Sadly, Digimon aren't nearly as cuddly as Pokemon, so they lost. But, there was hope when Pikachu was arrested for jaywalking. The Client Agumon claims "It was enjoyable, but it was still jaywalking". Pokemon everywhere were outraged and whole cities were destoryed, and Digimon laid waste in their path of destruction. However, Agumon jaywalked in front of Pikachu, and Pikachu agreed to terms of unconditional surrender.
Differences between Digimon and Pokemon
The primary digi-difference between Digimon and Pokemon is:
- All the Digimon's names ends with "Mon".
- The fact that they are more likely to snuggle unlike pokemon.
- They have the ability to Talk.
- They have more Awesome Evolutions.
- They can turn back into their original forms (Once you get a Muk, you're never getting back your adorable Grimer!)
- They never die, just turn back into digi-eggs, which can be made into a digi-omelet. It's a digi-murder.
- They have giant, massive personalities.
- The kids in the story can become digimon.
- The digivice replaces the pokedex.
- In a fight vs. pokemon they would win. (damn straight)
- Adventure - The original series, featuring seven Tamagotchi addicts going to camp, getting absurdly high with all kinds of extremely dangerous substances (Digicaine, Digihuana and even Heroinemon), thus dozing off into a messed up world, product of their slowly dying brain cells. The kids picture meeting their own individual Digimon who become their best and only friends, fighting partners, foils and presumably their lovers, and are forced to fight the forces of evil unlike every other cartoon in the '80s and '90s. Over time the cast become more interesting, as evil plotter Sanitymon wages war on their minds in order to bring back reason and commonly accepted social behavior. The final arc consists of the Digidestined, as they called themselves, fighting the almighty Rehabmon, who intents on taking their precious elixir(s) from them, thus ending their outlandish adventure. Nevertheless, the children press on and manage to wipe the floor with their conscience for good, finally surrendering their souls to the preying tamagotchi.
- Adventure 02 - The show is set chronologically four years after the first season. All of the old kids save one are in a vegetative state, so three new kids are wheelbarrowed in to tear their lives apart. Everything in the show is revealed to be all the handiwork of Myotismon. Ooh, spoilers! A new form of Digivolution is introduced named Armour Digivolution which is pretty much like the Champion level with little differences. DNA Evolution is also introduced after the movie is released.
- Tamers - The past two seasons are retconned as TV series in the TV series. The characters all get their own Digimon partners, Men in Black works in the Shinjuku District, and Guilmon needs a new box. The power of Digivolution comes from a cute little Digimon named Calumon who is kidnapped for no reasons, leading to chaos in the Digital World. The villain Impmon becomes Beelzemon, kills Leomon, and drives girl Jeri insane. A virus then tries to wipe out Tokyo. And they use trading cards for power-ups.
- Frontier - The fourth season involves three years of rules being flung out the window as the humans now become the Digimon! There are also a lot of trains.
- Data Squad/Savers - The fifth season introduced in 2006, sending tears of joy around the world. This season is more mature and has another Men in Black-like organizations named DATS dealing with Digimon.
- Digimon Xros Wars - The sixth and current season featuring elements of Final Fantasy. The cast is getting very big.
Michael Jackson: The One That started the heterosexual tradition of wearing goggles. Because of it, he somehow becomes the leader of the Strip Clubs. So, if you want to move up the office ladder, just wear goggles. Later he became a child molestor when he gave Davis his goggles in hope to rape him. Jackson's digimon is the digi-dinosaur Cumamon, a staple character of the Sex indrustry.
Rihanna:She is a Tomboy that enjoy soccer and sex toys. Her digi-pal is Biyomon, a pink bird digimon. Yes, this show did just get gayer. As a child, her mother constantly forced her to have intercourse. As a result, she now brutally stabs anyone who talks about intercourse (Namely Michael and Chuck), aside from Mimi. In Season two, she is seen briefly with Ellen Degeneres for no discernible reason.
Koushiro (Izzy) Izumi He is the hacker of the group, since every group needs a hacker. He is the smartest of all the children, since he can count all the way to twelve! His digimon is Tentomon, a bug digimon with a horrible British accent. When he was born, his parents abandoned him. In season two, he sets out on a quest to find them. This is an exert from the conversation.
- Izzy: Mom, Dad, I have something to ask you.
- Mother: Well, go on, child we abandoned!
- Izzy: Okay. Why did you... leave me?
- Father: Oh, that's really quite simple, son. You were hideous, horribly ugly. Hey, honey, what was that word I used?
- Mother: AVALANCHAAAAAAAA!
- Father: Avalancha! That's it!
- Izzy: You... what?!
- Father: I'd always heard there was no such thing as an ugly baby.
- Mother: You sure proved them wrong! I'm so proud of you!
- Father: So proud!
- Izzy: ...
Mimi Tachikawa: She is the whore of the group, since every group needs a whore. She is the only character who doesn't enter the digital world. Instead, she spends the entire season propositioning clients on the streets. She is a millionaire by the end of the season. She is given a digimon, but she quickly abandons it. Now, This character is a bit confusing. She's the embodiment of fashion and poise, yet she wears a giant pink cowboy hat. The only logical reason for this is that she's southern. Now, this doesn't work, since we all know that Southerners have no fashion sense.
Joe Kido: The geek of the group, since every... yeah, you already know this schpeal. He is the "cool" one of the group as well. He has glasses, a sweater vest, big shoes, and a digital wristwatch! He spends most of the season trying to fend off the constant wave of girls who want his body. At the end of the series he is arrested for child molestation, since he was actually twenty-three years-old, but no one seemed to notice/care. His Digimon is Gomamon, a digimon that is an adorable seal in Rookie form but later transforms into a gay walrus.
Takeru (T.k) Takaishi: He is Chuck's little brother, thus he is extremely effeminate. His digimon is Patamon which eventually transforms into awesome angle digimon. Sadly, he is too busy wearing his mother's shoes to actually battle with Patamon. Nevertheless, Patamon manages to digivolve on his own, a nearly impossible task.
Hiraki (Kari) Yagami: She is the younger sister of Tai, and is thus a natural-born leader. When she enters the digital world, she tries to assert her leadership but is severely beaten by Tai. Her digimon is Gatomon, a Champion digimon! Sadly, she is very weak and has the power of a rookie digimon. She is afraid of anything Dark. Not sure why, but she apparently is. In Adventure 02, twp of the other digidestined, Davis and T.K, often feud over who has her heart. We all know she likes T.K.
Devimon: A lanky-armed banker who rules File Island on top of Infinity Mountain. He controls the Black Gears, which are effectively drugs to mess up good Digimon and turn them into villains. He has a red figner which has been injected with every known drug in the world and when he stabs a person with it, namely Leomon, they are drugged up into becoming mindless servants. Devimon drugs himself with the Black Gears and grows into a giant size and thrashes the Digidestined until he is stopped by an overdose of his finger. He is taken to Celebrity Rehab by Myotismon, and after a grueling thirteen years is released. He decided to become a lifeguard afterwards. However, the whirlpool where he is sitting was very hot and he died of third-degree burns.
Etemon/MetalEtemon: A fan of Elvis Presley, Etemon rules part of the continent of Fanservice and thinks he is a big rockstar, when he is, in reality, a buff, retarded monkey man wearing shades. His minions are a bunch of brainless dinosaurs and loveable rabbits. Etemon attempts to stop the Digidestined from gaining their Tamagotchi upgrades but is defeated by MetalGreymon, who blasts him and the HAL 9000 into oblivion. However, Etemon gets an upgrade and comes back as MetalEtemon, twice as stupid. He gets his shiny metal ass handed to him by SaberLeomon and Zudomon (aka the Trouble Duo).
Myotismon: He is the 47th President of the United States as well as a demon lord and a vampire. Myotismon is voted the best villain in the show by the poll in Seventeen Magazine. He desparatly wishes to find the eighth Digidestined, who will destroy him. He takes a bunch of villains to Tokyo where he conquers the city with a fog and ghosts before kidnapping Kari. He is so badass, taking on all of the Digidestined's partners and even goes as far as killing Wizardmon. This prompts Gatomon to digivolve into Angewomon (how does a cat transform into an angel?) and she kills Myotismon with kindness. An arrow full of kindness, that is. However, he is resurrected as a giant monster named VenomMyotismon who has another monster where he testicles should be (Zork?). He is killed yet again when he is blasted in the balls/monster by WarGreymon and MetalGarurumon. However, he survives again and possesses the body of a man named Oikawa who becomes the main villain of Season 2, the sinister MaloMyotismon. (Get his name? It's like a bad Myotismon! Wait, wasn't the original Myotismon bad?) He gets p.o.ed and kills Arukenimon and MichaelJacksonMummymon, and then covers Earth and Digital World in darkness. However, he is ultimately defeated again by stupid kids talking about how they wish to grow up, and is then nuked by Imperialdramon. His term in office ran from 1999 to 2001.
DemiDevimon: Myotismon's faithful bat sidekick. He has a big mouth and is basically annoying. Thankfully, he is gangraped by Gatomon and then eaten alive by VenomMyotismon.
The Dark Masters: Four evil Digimon who take over the Digital World whilst the Digidestined fight Myotismon in Japan. They basically nuked and raped the Digital World into a giant twisted phallic symbol called Spiral Mountain. They all fight the Digidestined, who wind up killing them all. There is MetalSeadramon, a giant metallic sea snake who laughs like a dufus and fires shoop-da-woops from his nose; he is killed by WarGreymon. Next is Puppetmon, the best of the four who is an evil version of Pinocchio hellbent on killing people for fun; he is sadly killed by MetalGarurumon. Machinedramon is a bit cardboard but awesome machine of death, who is sliced up like an onion. The leader is a crazy homosexual clown named Piedmon who likes throwing swords around and turning people into keychains, but dislikes blowing up his doors since it costs him a fortune to buy new ones. He is sealed into the Gate of Destiny by MagnaAngemon.
Apocalymon: The last villain who is apparently the source of all of the villains. He is beaten in five seconds flat.
Davis Motomiya - The main gogglehead of this season, Davis is a clone of Tai only his hair is short and his ego is through the roof. He even stole Tai's trademark goggles. Very annoying but likeable, Davis has a huge crush on Kari and often gets TK's name wrong. He is partnered with Veemon, a Sonic the Hedgehog lookalike who has a wacky voice, and introduced the Armour Evolution into the series, which is basically the Champion-level but you use Digieggs to make the evolution happen. Davis eventually opens a noodle cart at the end of the series and marries Veemon.
Yolei Inoue - The token tomboy girl with glasses. She wears a helmet on her head and she has a family of cardboard cut-outs. She likes to rip off other characters like Izzy and has her own catchphrase "Perfecto". For a brief time she becomes a lesbian with Mimi, but ends up marrying Ken of all people. Her partner is Hawkmon whose gender remains a mystery.
Cody Hida - The short, quiet and sensible kid, Cody knows kendo. He pretty much sucks the fun out of everything when he enters a room but we love him anyway. His father died of plot exposition, and he lives with his grandfather who gets drunk on prune juice. His dad was friends with Oikawa. Cody's partner is a Texan-accented armadillo named Armadillomon, who digivolves into Digmon who makes too many puns on his drills, a submarine(!), an ankylosaurus, and fuses with Angemon to become Shakkoumon the Teapot.
Ken Ichijoji - The angst character, Ken starts off as the Super Sentai villain Digimon Emperor who rules the Digital World like a crybaby. He has nice clothes, though. After having a nervous breakdown and gaining bland clothes, Ken becomes good over time. His brother Sam was hit by a car. Ken was used by Myotismon to test his drugs called Dark Spores that turn people crazy and evil for fun. He is partnered with Wormmon who suffers a lot and sort of commits suicide halfway through the series, but comes back later on.
The Original Digidestined - The eight original kids and their Digimon appear as supporting characters, although TK and Kari have big roles. TK now sports a hat and kicks Ken's ass, whilst Kari's personality changes every episode. Matt becomes a rock star and marries Sora, much to Tai's and the fanbase's sadness, Mimi moves to New York just in time for Cloverfield to occur again, Joe becomes a doctor and Izzy gets taller.
Yukio Oikawa - The major villain of the series, although he is really Myotismon's toy. Having a fetish for purple and looking like a dead Keith Richards, Oikawa wishes to go to the Digital World by means of brainwashing little kids with drugs. He used Ken to test the Dark Spores, and created the phallic Dark Spires to break down the barrier between Earth and the Digital World. He is raped by Myotismon, dies and then turns into a flock of butterflies to guard the Digital World.
Arukenimon and Mummymon - Oikawa's henchmen. A creepy pedophilic spider woman and a lovesick mummy, these two are Team Rocket's arch nemesises. Capable of appearing in human form, the two hang out together and drive around in a motorcar. The two are eventually killed by MaloMyotismon, Arukenimon explodes after being molested by Myotismon's many mouths and Mummymon is melted down by red streamers.
Takato Matsuki : He never payed attention in school; he would always just draw random pictures of dinosaurs. That's bad, right? Actually, he gets his very own digimon out of it. That just shows kids that if you don't pay attention in class, you can get a dinosaur!! He's really young, and goes to the digital world for some reason.
Rika Makino: She's an emo girl with a t-shirt with a broken heart on it. The first 9 episodes, she is seen reading Twilight books. She eventually starts to battle with her trusty pal Renamon (I could throw some furry joke in here, but I'm going to take the high road). Near the end of the series, Breaking Dawn came out, and she became a recluse yet again.
Jeri Kato : She whines A LOT. She keeps complaining for a long time, and eventually gets a digimon! But, Beelzemon quickly kills it afterward. Terriermon eventually kills her in a fit of wanton rage.
Beelzemon : His name is a clever wordplay on "Beelzebub". Yes, that's the word they use in the Wayne's World song. Anyway, he spends the first part of the series as an annoying arsonist with a bad Brooklyn accent. He then makes a deal with the devil and becomes immensely stronger/eviler. From there, he starts killing many digimon, but quickly realizes that all he ever wanted to be was a Greaser. He finds a motorcycle and begins his dream. Soon afterward, he meets up with the Digipals. He starts his Fonzie impersonation, but Leomon critiques his performance. As a result, he fuckin kills Leomon. Later, he finds an arm gun, grows a pair of wings, and is suddenly cool.
Calumon : This thing is way too adorable. I mean, even adorable for anime. Anyway, it turns out to be a pretty big plot influence. The triangles on his head oddly match the triangles on Guilmon. Was there a little digi affair there? You digitell me. Anyway, you never find out whether Calumon is a digi-boy or a digi-girl, but it doesn't really digi-matter.
Terriermon : Basically, he's a bunny WITH A HORN! As he digivolves, he gets an insane amount of ammunition. He later becomes massive, like a transformer, and can measure up to the highest skyscraper in the city. He is the "funny bunny" of the group and is always around to say "momentai" whenever needed. Nobody thinks his phrase is funny or relevant at all. This is how he digivolves:
Testicles --> A blob with spikes --> Rabbit who tells good jokes --> Gunbunny --> Gundam --> Transformer
Renamon : Renamon is pretty awesome at what she does, but is constantly demoralized by horny furry perverts. She is one of the only clear female digimon, thus explaining her huge "fanbase". She's a fox that wear gloves. Crazy, right? As a rookie digimon, she has the strength of a mega level, but no one really seems to care. After Rika abandons her at the end of the series, she has sought
out and killed over 500,000 (and counting) of her perverted fans, leaving six billion of them still alive.
This is how she digivolves:
Adorable --> Furry --> A better Ninetales --> A Priestess --> Armoured human with a pointy stick
Guilmon : He's a dino-digimon, but he acts more like a dog-digimon. You know, if dogs could digi-talk. He's red and has triangles all over his body, thus he is one of the strongest Digimon. Triangles are wicked strong. Being a digimon, Guilmon does not know the difference between good and bad.
- He helped create Firefly.
- He created rain.
- He sang a duet with Frank Sinatra.
- He save the human and the digimon world.
- He brought Jessica Alba to stardom.
- He was McCain's campaign manager.
- He cut your break lines.
- He made the Knight Rider remake.
- He renamed you Eddy.
- He brought Jessica Alba to stardom.
- He made Final Fantasy X-2. HE MUST BE STOPPED AT ALL COSTS!
This is how he digivolves:
Adorable --> Guilmon --> Giant dinosaur that somehow has hair --> Robot Dinosaur ---> retarded jouster with a shield | |---> Fucking awesome Evil Snake Dinosaur | |---> Your Grandmother | |---> Michael Jackson (R.I.P.) | |---> A better digimon
Digimon Frontier has six main characters, who can shapeshift into Digimon, tossing three seasons worth of rules out the window. The Digimon evolution line is also scrapped in favour of "human" and "beast" forms which are accessed via "Slide Evolution". It can make your head hurt.
Takuya Kanbara - Gogglehead #4, Takuya also wears a hat and has a lot of built-up anger, as he screams a lot and shouts when talking to the others. He transforms into Agunimon, a horny monkey man who screams even more than Takuya does.
Koji Minamoto - Resident emo and angsty guy for no reason. Becomes more of a nice guy but never really gets over his unnecessary angst. He fittingly becomes Lobomon, a wolf man with lightsabers.
JP Shibayama - An obese kid in a jumpsuit. He is the only one in the group with a brain, and transforms into Beetlemon who kills enemies with popular rock songs.
Tommy Himi - Short annoying whiny kid who wears a big hat. He transforms into badass polar bear Kumamon.
Zoe Orinoto - An Italian-Japanese girl whose too attractive for her own good. She often says Italian words just to remind the audience where she is from. She transforms into Kazemon, also called Kickassmon.
Koichi Kimura - Koji's brother who was separated at birth for some reason. He turned evil after falling down a staircase, becoming Duskmon who did a lot of brooding. After turning good, he transformed into Lowemon.
Bokomon - A bossy but smart brainiac who is married to a book.
Neemon - Comic relief and retard who sounds like an old woman who downed a glass of gravel.
Seraphimon, Ophanimon and Cherubimon - The three protectors of the Digital World. Cherubimon turned evil, killed the other two and did evil stuff. The three return as the lovable Patamon, Salamon and Lopmon.
Grumblemon - Spirit of Earth, Grumblemon is a big-nosed moron who no speak proper English. His temper is as short as he is, and he wields a big sledgehammer. He can digivolve into Gigasmon, who looks like a deformed hotdog. He is killed by JP.
Arbormon - Spirit of Wood. The dumb guy who sounds like Sylvester Stallone. He digivolves into Petaldramon. He was raped and killed by Duskmon.
Ranamon - Spirit of Water. Ranamon is a strange demented mermaid who thinks she is pretty, and speaks in a southern accent, so watch out y'all. She digivolves into the hideous Calmaramon who looks like Anne Robinson on a good day. She has her ass kicked by Zoe.
Mercurymon - Spirit of Steel. This mirror-faced villain speaks in thy medieval accent, and is very good at it. Thou is very good at speaking like a posh twat and acts like one too. Mercurymon kidnapped Seraphimon's spirit and turned it into an evil version. He can digivolve into Sakkakumon, a thing. He is smoted by Takuya through screaming.
Duskmon - Spirit of Darkness. Darth Vader's cousin, Duskmon is a brooding person who questions his existence. He has a pair of lightsabers and can shoot laserbeams out of the various eyes on his body. He can digivolve into Velgemon, a giant scary bird. He is Koichi's evil form.