Dilophosaurus

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Dilophosaurus is the fucking greatest dinosaur in the Jurassic Park films. He is the current leader of the Vatican and is the first dinosaur to go on the mars and banish the cyberdemon to an eternity of licking your mom. He is the pet of Bizarro Jesus and he is actually an evolved grue he can fire demon monkeys out of his anus.

Early Life[edit]

Dilophosaurus was born in a plastic box.

Dilophosaurus began life as action figure who was the son of G.I. Joe and Godzilla action figures.He was trapped in the confines of a plastic box due to stealing DinoJesus's secret porno stock. It was only when Oscar Wilde liberated him that he invented the intergalactic time traveling condom. Since he ate fat mexican kids, he grew to be 20 ft. tall. It was when he ate pop rocks with cola did he discover he can spit radioactive semen which he used to blind Gary Brolsma after so many annoying Numa Numa music vids. Afterwards he decided to go into movies and starred in Jurassic Park. However, weeks before filming began, Dilophosaurus got a liposuction and became a short midget. In the other two films, he played as Dr.Malcom and Dr.Allen.

Other Life[edit]

Dilophosaurus about to convert this kid.

Afterwards, he became the new leader of the Catholic Church and eventually ruled the Vatican. There, he used the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch to blow up the Death Star. Then he began a search for the tree of life and found it. He drank the white fluid in the tree and gained superpowers.

Dilophosaurus and the tree of life.

Afterwards he became a supermodel and made the tits of dinosaurs everywhere harden.


Dilophosaurus and Steven Spielberg[edit]

Dilophosaurus was pissed his name wasn't in the credits of the other Jurassic Park films that he went into Spielberg's office and sliced him up with a light sabre. He was charged with rape and homocide and spent 30 years in prison where he went extinct due to violent raping. He came back as the next DinoJesus and destroyed Atlantis and North Dakota with his uzi of mass-turbation.

Dilophosaurus versus Bush and the Oil Vampire Dick Cheney[edit]

Bush (left) about to eat a baby.


Dilophosaurus along with Chuck Norris and sadistic fucks from Uranus invaded the whitehouse to assassinate the root of all evil George Dubya Bush and the evil oil sucking vampire Dick Cheney. Dilophosaurus used the three wise-weiners of truth and was able to stop Bush from eating a baby. Then he grabbed out a heavysaber and sliced Dick's dick off with own fell swoop. Thus the day is saved, thanks to DILOPHOSAURUS!