Dimebag Darrell

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Wikipedia doesn't have a proper article about Dimebag Darrell. It really wouldn't help those so-called experts by writing one either.
Dimebag Darrell, where the vast majority of his fans believe him to be. That's right, in the sky. Playing Nintendo his guitar.

dimebag darrel was a awesome, full-assed, underrated guitar player. He had alOt of talent and alOt of skills, and he is hailed as a guitar-god of awesomeness. He is a immortal being. To any Pantera fan, I can only say this: you are human

Dimebag Darrell was raised and trained by Genghis Khan after his parents were slaughtered by Genghis Khan, who decided that he didn't look good enough to eat. However, the great Khan is often quoted as stating, "In retrospect, I really shoulda eaten that boy." Genghis taught him the ways of shredding on guitar after young Darrell displayed an early talent for the kazoo, an intrument of the Mongolian culture sometimes utilized to summon demons and irritate people. His barbarian upbringing among the Mongol Hordes also insured his skills in warfare and combat, and he quickly rose through the ranks. However after spending a long time in Genghis Khan's service raping and pillaging and raping a second time, Dimebag decided to pursue a career in music, and left his adopted Mongolian brethren to go forth and rock you like a hurricane.


Dimebag Darrell was abandoned by his birth parents in the Rio Grande river in a floating basket because his parents feared the great Pharaoh. He was thus found by Mexicans and grew up learning the ways of the burrito. He received his first guitar when he was -15. He loved it so much that he rode the taco all the way to Los Angeles where he boned Bruce Willis's daughter, 'nough said.

He Died Once[edit]

Unfortunately a bad sense of direction and an ignorance regarding the yearly caribou migration resulted in Dimebag's death later that day. He was resurrected in 1966 by a gypsy magus who found his trampled corpse encased in ice in Siberia. The maji also gifted him with the ability to spew fiery boiling oils from his mouth and nose, which he did mostly because he thought would be, quote, "wicked sick", which is a reasoning responsible for the vast majority of the actions of maji in general. Later this would prove to be a difficult to control bodily function, but the maji remains unapologetic.

He Rocked[edit]

Dimebag Darrell was the singer for Iron Maiden from 1778 to 1554 but was booted for singer Robert Plant. Darrell swore he would have his revenge and formed the band, Pantera. Pantera was a bluegrass band featuring Scott Tenorman, Bill Cosby, and Drew Pickles. Pantera's original lineup lasted ten minutes but later broke apart because Bill Cosby went to make the feature film, Poop Bus and Drew Pickles led a successful pornography career. So from that day on it was just Dimebag and Scott Tenorman. They then recruited Vinnie Paul and Rex Brown. Scott Tenorman left the band for depression and was then replaced by Phil Anselmo. The new Pantera lineup would be the one for years to follow. Pantera produced their first album, Cowboys From Hawaii and had a sudden smash. The fame wouldn't last long though because tragedy was about to strike brother Dimebag.

He Died Again[edit]

Dimebag was killed in December of 2004, during a performance with his new band Damageplan, due to a misunderstanding involving bullets which were inconveniently placed in his brain. Despite the activism among musicians to raise awareness about the dangers of bullets and their affects on one's ability to live and not bleed, Dimebag remained unfortunately uninformed. It is theorized that this was part due to being born in an age before firearms, and also in part due to his support of the Republican party, his sympathies for which are understandable considering his upbringing within the Mongol hordes.