Disemboweled Tauntaun

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Although you may have thought they smell bad on the outside, the Tauntan's internal organs hold the record for the highest density of smelly molecules ranging from 6 billion ppm to 64 per square inch. Despite this offensive odour it is important to be aware that being forcibly inserted into a disemboweled Tauntaun is one of the best ways to prevent frostbite and/or being able to get a date.

The disembowelled Tauntaun can also provide one with enough nutrition and goodness to keep your tummy filled up and satisfied until rescue arrives. Tauntaun products have recently been flooding the markets and it appears these beasts are here to stay.

Popular with expeditions to Leamington Spa, the Tauntaun's ability to navigate traffic lights and bicycle lanes makes it ideal for inner-city commuting.

Tauntaun Products[edit]

Tauntaun Jackets[edit]

The Tauntaun's fur is as soft as a chinchilla and, like the internal organs of the animal, reeks to high heaven. Every indication is that this particular market will likely sink without trace with the possible exception of Iceland. With Iceland being the nation of rotting fish, chances are that Tauntaun jackets will be as popular as the aroma known as...

Calvin Klein's Eau de Tauntaun[edit]

"pour homme...pour femme...pour tauntaun..."

Le parfum de l'action et de la sexualité vous a apporté des entrailles decoupées du tauntaun

Tauntaun Biscuits[edit]

These snacktacular treats are sold at many health food stores. Theories abound about which parts are used to make the biscuits but the head of sales and marketing of Tauntaun Inc. S.A. gave a quote which may assist the reader:

"I'll give you a clue - it rhymes with besticles" ~ Oscar Wilde Acting Sales & Marketing Manager of Tauntaun Inc, S.A.

Singing Tommy Tauntaun[edit]

Possibly the most annoying "novelty" item ever designed; the Singing Tommy Tauntaun is mounted on the wall and sings three different songs -

  1. "Nothin's Gonna Stop Us Now" - Starship
  2. "2001: A Space Oddity" - David Bowie
  3. "No Limits" - 2-Unlimited

- in a ridiculous voice and is the scourge of middle-aged people desperately attempting to recapture their youth and appear to be in any way interesting or shocking.