Dobsie Empire

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Imperium Dobsieum
The Glorious Empire of all Lands Dobsie extending thereunto the ends of the Rhombus-Shaped Globe
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Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: Keep It Dobsie!
Anthem: Kumbaya, Domine AND God Save the Emperor
Capital Dobsiantinople
Previous capital (optional)
Largest city Dobsiantinople
Official language(s) Latin, Polish, Poglish, English
Government Autocratic Distributist Monarchy
Emperor Robertus Magnus Zanzibarbarus
‑ Queen Consort Anna Liddelska
‑ Imperial Lord Chancellor, Vice-Roy of Nixonia, Tetrarch of Juvenaltopia, and First Servant to the Crown Nicholas "El Cid" Dobrzerovich, OGN
‑ General of the Armed Forces of Dobsie and Grand Duke of Dobsie Jan Wilhelm von Brick, OBS, OBC
National Hero(es) Emperor Robertus Magnus Zanzibarbarus, Sir David Kocek, Gen. Wilhelm von Brick
Established 2004
Currency Pounds Zlotych
Religion The Holy and Ecumenical Church of Dobsie
Population 50,000
Ethnic groups Dobsieans, Magmites
Major exports Truthiness, Steel, Fire
Major imports Gold, Treasure, Diamonds, Pierogi
National animal Sheep-Hunting Wolf

The Dobsie Empire is the short, user-friendly name for The Glorious Empire of all Lands Dobsie extending thereunto the ends of the Rhombus-Shaped Globe.


Present territories of the Dobsie Empire include:

Dobsieantinople (formerly Orchard Lake)
The Grand Duchy of Frakenmuth
The Bishopric of the Sudatenland
The Colony of Nixonia
The Duchy of Ortonville
The Duchy of Holland
All Lands West of the Mississippi Extending Forthwith to the Pacific Ocean
The Tetrarchy of Juvenaltopia
The Duchy of Cornovia
New Rome
The Duchy of Pancakia
The Duchy of Vergeltung
The Arch-Duchy of New Victoria

A Brief History[edit]

The Empire was founded many ages ago, but fell under the domination of various militaristic nations such as the Empire of Northumbria and the Empire of Antarctica. Also, several Anti-Popes tore the people of Dobsie into factions of crazed witch-burning mobs. The glorious emperor, but then merely Knight of the Order of the Gilded Nose, Robertus Magnus Zanzibarbus, led a successful reclamation of the Empire with the aid of the valiant Esquire Nicholas (then merely known as Comrade Nicholas Dobrzerovich) now known as El Cid. They did this by uniting the people of the Empire into one crazed mob and hunting down the Anti-Popes. Many went into hiding, but Robertus Magnus did seize the Anti-Pope Gregory XVI, torture him with fluffy pillows and effectively eliminate the Anti-Pope Threat.

The Reign of Robertus Magnus Zanzibarbus I, a.k.a. Robert I[edit]

Royal Portrait of Emperor Robertus Magnus Zanzibarbarus

Upon ascending the throne Emperor Robert I adopted the motto "Bonum est bonum" and swore a vendetta on every Anti-Pope that plagued the Empire prior to his ascension. Since then many of the anti-popes have been defeated and/or imprisoned in Dobsianimo Bay Prison Complex located off of the coast of the Isle of Man.

The Emperor Robert I also declared a war for lebenstraum and began liberating neighboring nations that only too willingly became part of the Empire of Dobsie. Since this campaign began, over 1.9% of the world's surface belongs to Dobsie and 99.8% of the earth's mantle is under development as Nixonia, one of the few colonies of Dobsie.

People's Republic of Eastern Dobsie[edit]

In 2006, the Empire faced a brief threat from the People's Republic of Eastern Dobsie, a Nazi-Communist separatist group that adopted the slogan Peace, Bread, Land, and Love. The movement gained some support and several of the former ministers of Dobsie proper gained ministerial positions comparable to their former ones. However, the party was quickly infiltrated by Sir David Klocek of the Brazen Cocoanuts. For this, Sir David was awarded the postition of Eternal Grandmaster of the Order of the Brazen Cocoanuts.

The Keegonian Conflict[edit]

Battle Map of the Keegonian Conflict

In early 2007, the press of a neighboring nation, the Kingdom of Keegonia, published an unflattering caricature of Emperor Robert. He demanded the paper publish a retraction and that the King of Keegonia reprimand his brazen subjects. King Keegon, however, rejected this, said he found the cartoon hilarious, and threatened war on Dobsie for "not having a sense of humor." Emperor Robert, rightly ruffled, vowed a solemn crusade against the Keegonians to not only right the wrong of the cartoon, but also to purify the Orgastic Temple of Goose (a long-standing bone of contention between Dobsie and the Keegonians). The conflict began with a small foray and overnight vandalism in Keegonia conducted by Nixonian Special Forces. However, the Keegonians frowned upon this effort and believed unduly wronged, and so called upon the help of the Dutch to conduct a war against Dobsie.

Emperor Robert then called upon his own forces, under the leadership of Gen. Wilhelm von O'Brick, along with an expeditionary force of Magmites sent from the Nixonian Territories. The forces fought valiantly, until Dobsie was beseiged. The walls of the Robgerian Palace were daily pelted with pastries. Emperor Robert then called upon the Bavarians to attack the Keegonians' flank. The forces of Southern Dobsie then arrived under the mythical leadership of Sir David M. Klocek of the Brazen Cocoanuts, astride his famed steed Klocetokos. Together with the Bavarians, Sir Klocek lifted the siege and freed Sir Paul Radzilowski from his Keep. The Dobsieans rejoiced much and were able to remove King Slippery Jack II from his illegitimate throne. The Orgastic Temple of Goose was cleansed by the Monks of Mandamus, and freedom bathed the newly annexed territory of Keegonia.

Dobsiean Religion[edit]

The major religion of the Dobsie Empire is rightly called The Holy and Ecumencial Church of Dobsie. Rusty I, was elevitated to the Patriarchiate early in the history of the Empire and is still gloriously reigning from the See of Dobsiopolis. His western counterpart is His Holiness Pope Czeslaw V, who is Pope Dobsie I risen from the dead. It is belived that Pope Dobsie I was murdered by a mysterious assasain, yet at the intercession of St. Polly the Asphyxiated he was raised from the dead and immediately elected to the pontificate. Both the Pope and Patriarch have friendly relations, they play golf every Saturday. They find their source of unity in their hatred of silly anti-popes. Thus, the faith of Dobsie is autocephalous yet united.