Dog shit

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Is this a pile of shit?

“Look at what the dog did now”

~ Feist on dogshit

Dogs are, as we all know, rather stupid animals. Their entire life revolves around eating, sleeping, trying to hump your son, killing small children and humping legs.

Some dogs however do devote their entire lives to dropping their organic disposal in the most inconvenient place imaginable. Mostly in popular walkways and other places where you can't avoid stepping on it, like a dark alley or right outside your front door.

Saftey procedures when removing dog shit aka canine droppings[edit]

Also known as fool's gold, dog shit is known to spontaneously combust and cause third degree burns. If ingested, its antidote is kitty litter. It is known to cause hallucinations and convulsions among the elderly. Many teens have been known to abuse dog shit as a psychotropic drug. (Hence the expression "this is some crazy shit") The dropping of canis familiaris is extremely radioactive and should not be exposed to any genitalia (although Keith Richards was known to have masturbated with it regularly for several decades.) It is also highly corrosive an should not be allowed to come in direct contact with your skin and may also explode if it comes in contact with certain kinds of wood, plastic, or kittens. Use only steel tools when removing.

Some stuff[edit]

What became known as the "subshit fun" had its genesis in the early 20th Century and developed around the concepts of dog intestine release and people stepping on shit, specifically for the desire to be a pain in the ass when engagements were unlikely to occur beyond a range of a few feet within this environment.

In 1915 the German Shepherd Testing Commission at Spandau decided to develop a new dog laxant for shit warfare. An attempt to modify existing semi-diarrhea shitting, specifically the Shitspiter and S69 Mausshit failed, as accurate shit-fire in full automatic diarrhea mode was impossible due to their light weight effect and high rate of laxant of 1,200 pounds of shit per minute. The Commission determined that a completely new kind of laxant was needed. Shugo Schmeitsser, working for the Bergmann Waffenfabrik was part of a team composed of Theodor Bergmann, Louis Schmeisser and a few other shitnicians. They designed a new type of laxant to fulfill the shitting requirements, which was designated the Maschinenpistole 69/I. It is not clear what the "I" designation is intended to indicate.

See Also[edit]