Domesday Book

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search
For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article about Domesday Book.

β€œThe film was better.”

~ Oscar Wilde on The Domesday Book

β€œ"[entering your national insurance number into the book] It is a trap!”

~ Admiral Ackbar on The Domesday Book

The Domesday Book is the record of the great survey of England completed in 1086. It was commissioned by William the Conqueror to check on how much his kingdom was worth and whether it should be listed on the Old Baghdad Stock Exchange.

According to the vellum tabloid The Anglo-Saxon Daily Mail, William had a vision whilst spending Christmas in Gloucester in 1085. He believed the Anglo-Saxons were a nation of tax dodgers and wanted to collect all his takings since beating King Harold at the Battle of Hastings. Counsellors and shake down experts were sent to every shire, town, village, hamlet, pig sty.. to part peasants from their pennies. Every landholder had to supply a list of livestock and loose women for the king's perusal.

Historical Background[edit]

William had grabbed England in 1066 saying Edward the Confessor had sold England to him many years before whilst living as an exile in Normandy. William never actually said how much he had bought England for but when the Confessor faked his own death and went into tax exile, it was evidently a lot of groats.

Following the Normandy vs England match of 1066 (replayed 900 years later with a decisive english victory by Bobby Charlton who formed Charlton Athletic), which resulted in a sound thrashing by the Normans against the English-Saxon-Danes (whom Milton Keyenes Dons were mis-spelled after) who were still injured after beating Harald Hardrada's Norway team in Stamford 3-2 in the Group C Middle Ages Conference Cup, William The Conqueror wrote the world's most mis-spelled book in Europe.

Nomenclature/what the name means[edit]

Originally intended as Guillome's School Days, the locals mispronounced it as Tom (guillome being french for William), and hence it came to be as Tom and then Doomsday

Theories abounded as to the name. Some said the name meant Doom as in 'judgement' in old english, mispronounced as Dome or tome. Maybe it was 'tomes day' or, well, who knows, write your own article.

How It Came About To Be Written[edit]

Back in the 60's, the best 60's, the 1060's not the 1960's, everyone in Europe despite not being Roman naturally spoke Latin. This is like the world now, where no one is English but everyone speaks it. William The Conqueror was going through his OCD whereby he wanted to know everything possible. In a country where Beowulf was to be written decades later, he managed to note down everything by sending out scribes to all the counties, the of which at the time was Richmondshire not actually south west of London, but now who's principle town is Catterick, and at the time awarded to his cousin of Brittany. Most of this is mentioned in more detail in the openeing of Alice in Wonderland in Technicolour being narrated by Alice's mother with some accuracy (Edwin of Morca was alive the time, and Mercia was a real place, but wonderland wasn't).

A scribe would enter the village and snoop around noting EVERYthing. How many pigs you had, how much livestock, grain, education. If you were paying more than you should be on your knight-insurance, that sort of thing. He would then photocopy his documents in the local pub by the use of a magnifying glass (invented by the Carthagians 1200years before) onto parchment, and send this as an attachment by horse to the inbox - a large wooden tray - to William's He Male who received all his messages.

Beset by dyslexia[edit]

To gauge the overall success of the proceedings, one need look no further than the spelling ability of the scribes; one miswrote 'money' as 'honey' and all the counties obediently payed large amounts of honey instead of the limitlessly more tradable 'money'. This mistake got lost in the beauraucracy and William didn't notice.

The Domesday Book After It was Famous[edit]

Like most Norman conquests and endevours it can be found in the national archives.