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...19998, 19999, 20000. Brilliant. Twenty-thousand dominoes, all in a great big line. And no sign of that fucking bird either to ruin my plans. I can't wait to knock them over one by one. This will be so much fun I think I might die! Okay. Here we go. Time to knock over that first domino. Oh this is so exciting! And...


Look at them go!

There they go! The first one falls over, then the next, then the next. Oh how exciting! And then that one hit the other one and it headed downwards. There they are, all falling down, one by one, in a sequence. How grand! I love the way they keep falling over. Whoever invented dominoes is a genius. He or she definitely deserves an award of some sort – perhaps a piece of crystal shaped like a domino. I bet he'd like that. I bet he's totally not sick of domino shaped objects at all! Ooh, look! They're still going! This is the most fun ever...

This is getting tiresome[edit]

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Domino.

OK, this is actually getting a little boring. I thought that 20,000 dominoes would mean 20,000 moments of joy but when you've seen one domino fall over you've seen 'em all fall over. Well not really, since some are still standing, but I can imagine what that'll look like. Probably exactly like all the other ones before it.

I guess now is as good a time as any for a description of dominoes[edit]

Well, what can I say? Um... they're rectangular pieces of wood, or plastic...or they have glass dominoes? Wouldn't they crack or something? Or they could be made of other things as well, maybe, like Kryptonite. Anyway, if you line them all up and knock one over then they'll all knock each other over. That's called the domino effect, after the guy who discovered it...or did he name himself after dominoes..or was it just one of those bizarre coincidences – like when Newton discovered Newtonian Physics[1]? Anyway that's what happens. Exciting isn't it?

No it isn't[edit]

Fucking dominoes! Why did I do this? Is this what the human race has been reduced to? Sitting around watching a bunch of pieces of fucking wood falling over! Why do I have nothing better to do? This surely is the pinnacle of tedium. And what the fuck are those dots for anyway? Who's idea was that? “Ooh, I know what'll make this more interesting! Why don't I put a bunch of white fucking dots on it! Then it wont be A COMPLETE WASTE OF FUCKING TIME!!!”

Who cares?

Where are we now?[edit]

16,000! Wow this is going to be one long fucking day! Fuck you the guy who invented dominoes! Fuck you Friedrich von Domino (1843-1887)! You know, some people invent proper things like Einstein invented quantum something-or-other and Thomas Edison invented the handheld oven and the steamroller! But you, you nineteenth-century cockbag, you invented a cuboid! Big fucking wow! Hey, I've got an idea for your next invention: a cube that you can put other cubes on to make a big stack of cubes and then you knock over all the cubes. Yeah, I could make loads of money – especially if I put a bunch of random fucking dots on it!



Why did I think that this would be a fun way to spend an afternoon? “Oh, what are you gonna do today? Really, knocking over dominoes? You're so cool and interesting. NOT!” GRGAAGHFFFFFUCKFUCKARGH! “Ooh look at me! I'm a domino! I think I'm so great! I have corners and faces with dots on them and faces without dots on them! In a minute I'm going to fall over then a bunch of other dominoes are gonna fall over too and then we'll all laugh at the big fat idiot watching us!” Click click fucking click! That's all you ever do! Falling over like you own the place! Well I own the place! Or, at least, I'm renting it from the guy who owns it. But the point is that they don't own it! Fucking dominoes.

That's it![edit]

I'm leaving. I have better things to do. Like reordering my sock drawer and inventing Stacky Cubes™ [2]. Fuck you dominoes! You might think you have had the last laugh but I'm throwing petrol everywhere! Splash splash splash! Haha! Die wooden cuboids of Satan! Hahahahaha! Now who's weird and psychotic?


  1. ^  What are the odds?
  2. ^  Now available in all good toy stores.

See also[edit]