Don Imus

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Don Imus's awesome afro.
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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Don Imus.

Don Imus (born Julio Camacho Mountain Dew Silverfoot IV) is Al Sharpton's ex-lover, a God among men, a Spanish nobleman, America's first true patriot, an African American women's rights activist, and has the fourth largest mouth in the world (just ahead of the aforementioned Sharpton, along with Rosie O'Donnell, Hawk Harrelson, and Jesus). He is a really bad Howard Stern clone. He's also a former radio host, and used to appear daily on the communist television channel MSNBC.

Early life[edit]

Born to Dianne Silverfoot and Julio Camacho Mountain Dew Silverfoot III in 1920, Julio was very slow for his age. "He didn't stop breastfeeding until he was 2 1/2, his first word (at 3) was [naturally] "ho", and he couldn't read until age 8." Dianne remarked. Julio still worked hard and graduated from a special education high school at age 25.

His lifelong dream was to be in show business. At first he could not decide on which medium to enter, since, while he had the perfect face for radio, his voice was better suited for the silent movies. However in 1966, after flipping a coin (and realizing that hardly any silent films had been made in the past 30 years) he decided on radio. He was eventually hired by WKKK-FM in Jackson, Mississippi as a late-night DJ, where he made a stage name, "Don Imus". He later hosted the station's morning show. Then, CBS Radio found out what a great insultor he was, and moved him to New York, where he hosted his own radio show, using his stage name. MSNBC later picked him up to host Imus in the Morning.

Silverfoot also had a brother, named Maurice Octavius Silverfoot. Maurice Silverfoot is now a woman named Shania Twain.

Fame and Fortune[edit]

Imus attempts to scare off African American members of the WNBA by impersonating a blowfish.

Don Imus hates many things. Howard Stern is his love child, and Imus has been estranged from his son since birth. Imus is known for being a registered and vocal member of the Aryan Brotherhood, D.O.C., Ku Klux Klan, Mississippi Riders, Neo-nazis of America, and the "Black women are all nappy-headed hos, especially the ones that play on the Rutger's Women's Basketball team" society. Think of Rush Limbaugh but without the talent, personality, or Oxycontin shopping addiction. He was the announcer for Geraldo Rivera's show in the middle-1970's, until he was fired for calling Geraldo racist names for being a Latino. Imus has made his career on radio and TV by being a bigot and a racist towards lesser minorities; he got away with it for over thirty years, because hardly anyone watched or listened to his shows. By 2007, he started to talk about a topic that captivates all peoples of every nationality -- women in basketball -- and hence, as we now know, was his downfall.

The Words of Terror[edit]

In April 2007, Imus called the Rutger's women team the worst combination of words ever conceived by an English-speaking man. So horrible were these words that hearing them caused permanent physical and mental scarring to all women, all African-Americans, and especially all female African-Americas. These words are so horrible we are not sure if we can print them here, but what the hell, we can do what we want: "nappy-headed hos". Upon hearing these words of blasphemy, the Reverend Al Sharpton (blessings and peace be upon His name)recovered from the initial shock of the words, and ran to a camera and for an hour screamed "RAAAAACCCISSSSTTTTT!!!!" at the top of his lungs. Most people wondered whether the off-color remarks by an old man whose job description is "offending people" was really worth their attention, Reverand Al showed them the error of their ways--by publicly crucifying Imus on his radio show.

Apology Tour[edit]

Soon afterwards, Imus began to regret all the hateful things he's said throughout his career because he's old and fears that he will end up in hell. To make amends, he embarked on his very first Apology Tour, personally meeting with everyone he has offended over the years. So far, he has apologized to:

Don Imus pretending to be a member of the women's basketball team at Rutgers, along with rest of team...he looks good in drag, doesn't he? Or has he just turned everyone red?

He vowed to continue his tour until he apologized to "every last one of those turkeys." It didn't work. He also told the nappy-headed ho's of the world that he would no longer insult them by comparing them to the women's basketball team at Rutger's University. That didn't work, either.

Both MSNBC and CBS told Imus to "Go die in a fire!" when he asked if he could have his shows back on the air. After that, his career started to plummet (again). He tried to get his career back by apologizing to Jesse Jackson who claimed to be the Emperor of Black People, but Reverend Jackson made Imus kiss his naked butt, literally, and had a photo taken. Imus thought he was forgiven, until he met a black person, named Token, who told him that Jackson is not the Emperor of Black People, and that he'd never be forgiven.

Al Sharpton[edit]

In 2005, Rev. Al Sharpton and Don Imus were spotted exiting a local Wendy's restaurant. When questioned about their outing, Sharpton responded "Imus and I just had sex. We are in love." Jesse Jackson later confirmed the relationship between the two, then noted that Imus himself was not gay, but instead just Jackson and Sharpton were butt-fuck-buddies. Rightly so.

For an apolgy, Don Imus had to kiss Jesse Jackson's bare black backside. While Imus was on his knees, he felt that it was OK to give Mr. Jackson some tossed salad.


Career Achievements[edit]

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Poetry[edit]

It is a little known fact that Imus is a poet. This has been underreported in America by the liberal-Western media. He are a few of his selections.

My Life
I once had a radio show,
I insult people, this you all know.
But some nappy-headed ho's
My racism did expose,
And now I live out on skid row.
Sports
Rutgers has a basketball team,
Their talents I held in low esteem.
After drinking Bacardi,
I told them 'I'm sorry',
And they still kicked my ass in the seem.
Sex
I like to do bitches and ho's.
Just how many, well nobody knows.
But now I get none,
My sex life is no fun.
And that is the worst thing. It blows.

Imus today[edit]

Imus was recently interviewed by 35 And a Half Minutes, a show on PBS. Imus had extremely slurred speech, and appeared to be drunk. He was reportedly dating Miss Cleo, but that rumor was debunked after Imus remarked: "Don't you.....don't you...know that she's a LESBIAN! I hate me them lesbians." Imus also mentioned that his relationship with his mother has been strained since he left to work in New York all the way back in 1962. Dianne Silverfoot (now in a nursing home) had no comment.

Facts[edit]

  • Has been spotted at Rutgers women's basketball games.
  • Is a current member of Al-Qaeda; once shouted "Death to the West!"
  • Is now officially the "nigger guy" as explained in a recent South Park episode, taking the position over from Michael Richards. (It should be noted that the person who did this edit has been arrested in violation of the new national law.)
  • Once committed an act of fellatio on Hillary Clinton. Said she was hung lower than any man he'd ever had.
  • Can fit 2/3 of a regulation field hockey stick up his rectum.
  • Enjoys having the hockey stick there.
  • Is actually a black man.

See Also[edit]

News Stories[edit]