Doubting Thomas

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~ Doubting Thomas on anything

“When in doubt do a backflip.”

~ Oscar Wilde on life
Doubting Thomas thinking about himself

Doubting Thomas was born in 1763 BC, crippled by indecision his whole life and unable to commit to any cause he has made no significant contribution to anything. Widely regarded as an annoying little berk he sits in every meeting, pub, bar and restaurant trying to find problems with everyone else's ideas. He is so doubtful of everything that he has not died, this has lead some scientists to believe he has the secret of eternal life, in fact he just can't decide what he believes and Death wasn't going to hang around while he made up his mind. Perhaps death wasn't going to hang around. I'm a bit doubtful about that as well.

Religion and Doubting Thomas[edit]

Doubting Thomas pokes the J man, rock on brother

The hugely popular religion of Oh Ye of Little Faith was started by Doubting Thomas in 35 AD. Those people who doubt blatantly great ideas and expect them to fail often find help in the Oh Ye of Little Faith monastery where the monks will tend to their lack of respect for other people by thrashing them repeatedly with birch sticks. See Sadism and Masochism.

The story goes that Thomas had heard of an amazing new stand up who was playing a gig at Jongleurs in Jerusalem. He went to see this Jesus live but got there to find rumours of his death passing around town. A little peeved by this (he had travelled a long way) he went to see what he could find. He did find Jesus but it turned out he was dead, he had just refused to stop talking (a common problem with people who think they are comedians). Thomas couldn't believe his eyes and couldn't resist the chance to poke the J man in his wound, just for that "you can tell your grandchildren you were there" factor. This turned out to be a bad idea as Jesus slated him for poking is gash "worst heckle ever".

Gay or hetero[edit]

he Skeleton Pope

Doubting Thomas may be gay. He may also be necrophilic. He may be some other type of Pervert. He may indeed want to make it with the J guy. But he doubts that. Doubting Thomas may be hetero. He may be nprma;l. But he doubts that too.

Perhaps Grawp wants to make it with Tommy.

In 1946, Doubting Thomas came with the proof Cosmology has nothing to do with Gay Popes or pigs or Grawp, because they are filthy. But he doubted that.

Rebirth of Doubting Thomas[edit]

Every 66 years, Doubting Thomas will be reborned around the world in order to persuade people to doubt their ideas. The next regeneration took place around 15 years ago. Thus, anyone of age 15 this year and is named Thomas may be a doubting Thomas. To find out how to get rid of Doubting Thomas, read the chapter below.

How to get rid of Doubting Thomas[edit]

The best way to irk Doubting Thomas is to ask "Well have you got a better idea then?". The best thing about Doubting Thomas is that when your brilliant idea succeeds there is no greater pleasure than rubbing his face in it, but watch out it might be a clone of Doubting Thomas.

You can also ask him about poking Jesus, his all time worst move, Jesus went on to take him down comedy style with what is recconned the best put down of a heckler in his whole career as a comedian.

However, since he will doubt everything you say. Jesus will be quite useless with him. Thus, its best that you agree with his doubt.