Doug

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Doug is a television show that aired from 1990-1987, and focused on family values like "racism", and generally focused on the main characters attempts to avoid "coloured" people, who, in this show, actually were coloured. No seriously, they were fucking blue and purple and shit. Also dealt with social issues like necrophilia and David Byrne.

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Doug.

Characters[edit]

Doug Fudgie[edit]

A sensitive, quiet, quasi-emo boy who likes to write in his diary and sometimes imagines himself as a superhero who wears his underwear on the outside of his pants and various other erotic daydreams. He is the main focus of the show which is pretty lame because he is the most boring character. He is the only white kid in the town of Bluffington, a virgin white kid at that, because the town is prejudiced against whites and no self-respecting broad would want to sleep with him. He can usually be found eating with Skeeter at the Honkie Burger which is owned by Carneys, rednecks and Gynecologists. Doug has longed to taste Patty's huge twat but, much to his chagrin, all of da slash toony fanfucks scream that he would rather have Skeeter mount him, leading to an added strain on possibilities of the relationship in the form of frustration hemorrhages. His arch enemy is Roger Klitz, who caused him a number of torments and humiliations; one of the worst of such offenses was Roger's rape/vandalism of Doug's beloved car, Porkshire. This eventually led to Klitz being brutally interrogated in class by fellow freak Chalky Studabaker, who used an old wooden bat with the precision of an average mountain troll. Doug had hired Chalky to ruin Roger's oral cavity so he could never take enjoyment out of pumping out bullshit to the citizens of Bluffington again.

Remember when this image was funny? Pepperidge Farm remembers.

Mosquito "Skeeter" Vagina[edit]

Skeeter Vagina also knows as Skeeter "Cool Guy" and Skeeter "Skeet Skeet" Moob is Doug's best friend/partner in crime. He garnered his nickname of "Skeet Skeet" due to his penchant for cum shots in the various porno films he has starred in, the biggest of which was "Clitoral Barrage Vol. 9, Day of das Skeet". He is mainly known for the volume of jizz he can produce, slightly less than a Peter North eight roper. HONK! HONK! Skeeter is black, and has bright teal blue skin that actually is a result of him consuming an entire bottle of tanning pills at once in order to obtain a minority scholarship for aqua green people. Sometimes makes erratic or erotic honking sounds at random, due to his Tourette Syndrome. His penis is rumored to be somewhere between 6 and 13 inches long, according to the various women he has fucked. Skeeter has also now reached the status of "meem".

Patty Masturbate[edit]

The "babe" of the show, despite her dyke hairstyle and complete lack of breasts. Next to Roger she is the biggest piece of white trash in the town of Bluffington as shown in her heavy southern accent. Her dark bronze skin is the result of over tanning, along with a severe case of melanoma. Her lack of breasts and surprising physical strength is the result of various steroids such as THC and HGH. In 1995 she was named Little Miss Universe Steroids Bodybuilder by the people of Bluffington and everyone wanted to tap her ass. Doug ended up fucking her but complications followed in their relationship afterward, which was started when her octopussoir became frightened and attacked him and started gnawing at his face during coitus. Doug was pissed. She is also known for her extremely large beaver. Oh yeah, and her mom died, but who gives a fuck about that?

Roger's a Douche

Roger Klitz[edit]

The schoolyard bully, pimp, gigolo, hustler, nymphomaniac, megalomaniac, and drug kingpin of Bluffington. His green skin is a result of his mother's easiness, leading to speculation that he is a sickly mix of all the races on earth. Roger is rumored to have the largest penis in all of Bluffington, with some sources citing it as big as 15 inches and as small as 3 inches (flaccid). He is easily the biggest sex pervert in the town, with sexual intercourse taking up roughly 90% of his day. He is mainly known for his appearance in pornography alongside Connie Bang; in fact, their first appearance together was in the magazine Green Skin Digest in 1994 when both of them were only 14. They were featured along with Ace from the Gangrene Gang. Perhaps the most infamous photo from the shoot shows Roger mounting Connie and pushing his 14 inch cock all the way through her minge, until it actually started to come out of her mouth. Because of his insatiable sexual appetite, Roger has had more than one run in with the law. In early 2001, Klitz was found guilty of aggravated assault charges brought on by PeTA after he taped himself having a menage a trois with his cat Stinky and Doug's dog Porkshit. Porkshit's colon was perforated by Klitz's massive 3 inch chode and subsequently died as a result. Klitz was released, pending a $15 fine and an Alcoholics Anonomyous class. Doug has swore revenge on Klitz on behalf of Porkshit.

Judy Fuckie[edit]

Doug's older emo sister. Easily one of the most controversial characters on the show who has been known to have seances, drink the blood of virgins, and pay retail for quality goods. Also pees with the seat up. Sometimes described as a hipster from her snazzy sunglasses and beret, she also smokes cigarettes, curses in French, has sex with kittens, and young boys. Attends Moody High, a place for "gifted" students. It is actually a shitty liberal arts college where she learns the ways of the Democrats that makes her such a bitch. It is also a little known fact that she murdered her parents Philly and Twat Fukkie in the second episode.

List of people Judy fornicated with:

Roger
Porkshit
Stinky
Skeeter
The Mayor
Mr. Dick
Everyone at Moody High

Assistant Principal Boner[edit]

Slipped past Canadian censors, who generally just don't care, but was caught by the ever fickle American censors, who changed it to "Bone" instead. Despite their honest intentions, the name remained hilarious to stoners and horny teens alike. He is a strict disciplinarian in both versions, but in the Canadian versions he was known to skull fuck the shit out of misbehaving students and then unload all over their face with a pearl necklace they will never forget.

Mr. Dick[edit]

Doug's crazy sex offender next door neighbor. Consistently pops over to show Doug his crazy gadgets he buys due to their usefulness in kidnapping little girls that are supposed to do the abducting for him, but instead finds that the most effective way they work is to instead bludgeon the girl over the head with them and rape her before she regains consciousness. He encourages the American way of buying expensive contraptions that will do the work for you. Mr. Dick has a great love for anything "very expensive" no matter what it may be. He's amassed a great collection of expensive objects ranging from security systems for his shed. One of his favorite items in his collection that he purchased in recent years is a solid 24 karat gold dildo which he uses on himself when Doug isn't around to "RAPE ME IN THE ASS DOUGLAS! OOOOOH. THERE IS NO GOD DOUGLAS. MAKE ME FEEL THE PAIN AGAIN!"

BeeBe Bluff[edit]

The town slut, Khan "BeeBe" Wasonasong, Jr. was the rich Asian bitch of the group. She was the school cum dumpster in elementary school and has a high pitched whiny voice due to all the wang that was rammed down her throat during those years. BeeBe was known to throw extravagant rave parties at her mansion in which she would consume too much alcohol, pop gratuitous amounts of ecstasy, and let various guys gang bang her. Her sex orgies became legendary, yet somehow, her frequent fuckbuddy Skeeter was able to convince her to focus only on him in their adulthood, and soon they got hitched. Yet, the number of fuckings have increased, despite there only being two of them (with an occasional threesome or foursome).

Chalky Studabaker[edit]

The "jock" of the group, Chalky is the most physically "gifted" of the gang and by "gifted" it is implied that he is possibly the craziest of them all. It all started in elementary school when his father pushed him to be an All-American prodigy in sports. Chalky became so caught up with sports he had little or no time for a social life which led to him not knowing how to talk to girls. Later on, when puberty finally kicked in, Chalky found his social life and love life to be quite bitterly hollow, due to his aforementioned lack of knowledge of the common high school biatch. Soon, the full realization of his meaningless existence as a dateless, virgin jock that his father had led him to become snapped the poor shit's mind like uncooked spaghetti. He soon began to take up such habits as: ranting about his father issues on his LiveJournal, weeping whilst masturbating to Neon Genesis Evangelion in public restroom stalls, and committing various hate crimes through violent use of sports equipment. Soon, he was hired by Doug to carry out an act of vengeance against Roger--who had recently killed Porkshit by rape--, with specifications that only someone as apeshit as Chalky could do without second thought. Little was heard of him after the act, in which he decimated Roger's ass with a wood bludgeon. Not long after the Roger incident, it was reported that he had masturbated one too many times and went completely blind, and as a result, decided that he needed to score some real pussy, and by lowering his standards settled for a girl whom he has no idea is a hideous and deformed 50-year-old skank. Some suspected that he was behind the hanging of his father's hanging, but most investigative journalists and police forces are either too scared of him to delve into the matter further, or just don't give two flying fucks about it.

Connie Bang[edit]

The proverbial "fat chick", Connie was Roger's number one prostitute for quite some time. She loved kinky sex, and later on in life, wrote a collective series of books on the subject, including "Hot Wax and You", "Erotic Axe and Icepick Usage: Just When You Thought Shit Couldn't Get Weirder", and, of course, "Happy Endings and You". In fact she was the only Asian in the town and her parents owned a Chinese restaurant named Big Dong's Egg Rolls. It rivaled the Honkie Burger until Neo-Nazis raided the place and killed her family.

Memorable episodes[edit]

Doug moves from Bloatsburg to Bluffington, ostracized for his sad disposition, tendency to write in a diary, and depressing olive green sweater vest. Labeled as the first emo kid to be shown on television.

Roger finally fucks Connie one too many times (he loves teh fatties), impregnates her, and rips the fetus out of her because he doesn't want to pay child support.

Mr. Dick is tried in federal court for child molestation charges in the episode "Mr. Dick Goes to Washington". The whole town is forced to testify against him. Memorable quotes from the episode:

Prosecutor: "Mr. Funnie, please tell the jury exactly where Mr. Dick touched you."
Doug: "I...I...cant do it."
Prosecutor: "Mr. Funnie, we just want the truth."
Skeeter: "C'mon Doug! Do it so we can get all this drama and pain behind us forever. Otherwise, you'll never convince Patty that you're man enough to put it in! HONK HONK!"
Doug: "He touched my....little buddy!" *points to crotch and bursts into tears*
Courtroom: *collective gasp*
Patti: "Yo nigga let's bone now! Sheet!"
Mr. Dick: "You're dead to me, Douglas! Dead!"
Doug: *crying* "I trusted you, you sick old bastard! I should've just raped you in the ass like you asked me too.."
Judge: *pounds gavel* "Order! Order!"
Season 8 Finale
Mr. Dick: *lunges at Doug* "I'll find you, you little fuck! I'll find you, I'll shove my .45 up your ass, and I'll blow your little shit factory straight to hell!"
Doug: "Ahhhhh!"
Judge: "Baliff, restrain that man!"
Mr. Dick: "DEAD, YOU HEAR?! DEAD!"
Skeeter: "HONK HONK!"

Skeeter holds true to his name and gives Beebe a facial she will not soon forget.

BeeBe and Skeeter are getting married, but soon face troubles in the form of a roaming gang of White Supremacists, who, upon stepping foot in a town with so many colored people, decide to carpet-bomb all of Bluffington, starting with the chapel where the wedding is being held. Ironically, the Nazi owners of Honkerburger are the ones to vanquish the Klan members, via an accidental slaughter by Zombie Hitler.

Doug finally has sex with Patty but is interrupted when Skeeter walks in with a huge boner (and Beebe), hoping for a foursome, and mistakes Patty's giant vagoo for a sarlacc. Hilarity ensues.

Controversy[edit]

While the violent, mind-fucking chaos caused by Doug, Skeeter, and Roger is the prominent focus of most of the controversy, other subjects have been broached that add equal public speculation. They are, in alphabetical order-

  • AIDS
  • Paganism
  • Prostitution
  • The French
  • Controversy
  • Emo kids
  • David Lynch
  • Teen Pregnancy
  • Drug use
  • Roger's huge cock
  • Anti-semitism
  • Humping
  • Delicious puff pastries
  • Flying kites
  • Incest
  • Masturbation
  • Why you shouldn't take a shit on someone's sofa
  • What's a clutch?
  • Doug FM
  • MC Escher


While these are only a few of the controversial controversies controversially displayed on the controversial show Doug, there are many other equally controversial controversies to controversially be displayed controversially.

Where are they now?[edit]

Doug still lives in Bluffinton and is attempting to lead a legitimate life. He is the day manager at the Honkie Burger and makes minimum wage. He gained great notoriety when he put out a grease fire with his cock. He still suffers from depression after Porkshit's Roger-caused death, even after orchestrating the revenge against Klitz. He still dreams of one day having an actual family with Patty, but now has to wait until she awakens from her MMA-induced coma.

Skeeter no longer stars in porno, and has actually delved into his creative side and has found success as a director. Under the name "Skeet Skeet Skeet" he has produced over 50 films under his company Big Skeet Industries. Lil Jon and the East side Boys are pissed that he stole his new nickname from them and claim they will shoot him on site if they ever find him. He married his long time squeeze/fuckbuddy Beebe Bluff.

Patty has had to undergo multiple surgeries to help her cope with her raging steroid use. After an ass and breast implant surgery she has started to turn her life around. She found some work as a stripper but decided there would be more money if she became a prostitute instead. After a while the continual anal violation finally wore her down and she decided that she would try MMA. Kimbo Slice broke her neck in her first fight and she has been in a coma ever since. Doug occasionally visits her and cry's like a pussy by her bedside.

Roger managed to cope well after having his ass wrecked, and started to focus more on the drug aspect of his life. He started selling crack to kids, at first in return for sex (girls only, boys paid in blood) but soon moved onto selling to the high rollers of Bluffington becoming a multi-millionaire. He used his new found wealth to try and exact revenge on Doug for having Chalky ruin his anus, but all attempts on Doug's life failed. He himself was eventually killed after fucking over fellow drug lord Skunky Beaumont in a deal. Beaumont had Klitz's lifeless corpse fucked by one of his gayer cronies, to further add insult to injury.

Judy was rated Bluffington's top prostitute three years in a row, narrowly beating BeeBe Bluff each time. She now runs her own reality site name chicksonkits.com which specializes in bestiality with kittens. Roger's cat Stinky has reported been the main feature of the site.

Porkshit is still dead--but his Swamp Monster lover is currently looking for a way to resurrect him.

Assistant Principal Boner still enjoys getting blow jobs, but now they are mostly from female students, as well as Mrs. Wingo whenever she feels frisky.

Mr. Dink is currently incarcerated at a maximum security prison in Texas for his trial and conviction on child molestation charges. He attempted to escape once but his ball sack got caught on the barbwire fence and was ripped off. He did however manage to smuggle in his prized golden dildo which he uses on other inmates in order to assert his authority.

BeeBe Bluff began working as one of the world's most proficient whore house matrons after her marriage to Skeeter, and has been well known to cut off fingers, toes, tits, and dicks of both customers and employed hoes alike, usually when she's out of kittens to huff or someone looks at her funny.

Chalky Studabaker was rarely heard from after bat-raping Roger. His father so mortified, as his misinterpretation of the reason behind the act as being erotic lead to him thinking his favorite offspring was gay; being the homophobe he was, Mr. Studabaker thusly commenced in hanging himself in his basement. Some speculate that Chalky enacted said hanging as an act of vengeance against his father for ruining his life, but no sane investigator will go anywhere near that case nowadays.

Connie now works as a hooker in Bloatsberg and has contracted every STD known to man. He flat rate of 5 cents bring all the men to the yard. Me love you long time!


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