Douglas McFeeglebotham

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Douglas McFeeglebotham (1323-1348) was a Scotsman of Norweigan descent who became one of the most notoriously pathetic 14th Century poets. His works have become infamous for their apparent lack of meaning, and have caused confusion as to why on Earth he decided to write them, and how they were actually allowed to be exposed to the public.

Albert the lonely pigeon[edit]

Douglas McFeeglebotham was, unwittingly, one of the instigators of the Great Poem Riots of 1346. His poem, Albert the lonely pigeon, was officially broadcast on 20th January 1346 through the newspaper The Daily Blergh (of which only one copy could be made per day, as there was a distinct lack of technology back then).

Modern Version

Oh my poor little pigeon called Bill
Is actually called Albert, but still
I hope, O Lord, that he has not died
I have for many years cried
For my poor little pigeon called Bill
Is actually called Albert, but still.

The ever-increasing public disillusionment with 14th-Century poetry did not help McFeeglebotham's cause. That, coupled with the obvious incoherence and nonsensical structure of his poem caused massive outcries of anger, and the very next day the first of the Great Poem Riots began.


McFeeglebotham was struck by lightning while writing another poem expressing his concern for the immenent extinction of sabre-tooth squirrels. Tragically, as the poem was never completed, McFeeglebotham's message failed to get across to the Anti-Dangerous Squirrel Brigade, and all sabre-tooth squirrels were crucified within the next 3 years.

Extract from 'Save-eth ye these squirrels'

Oh save-eth ye these squirrels
And the sharpe-ness of their teeth
I like to calleth them 'Flirrels'
Because they- ARGGGGGGGGGH, the paineth!!!

As we can see, we can pinpoint the striking of lightning as soon after McFeeglebotham had written the 'y' of 'they'. McFeeglebotham was given a state funeral for some reason, in which all of his forgetful poems were burned. The extract from Save-eth ye these squirrels was preserved, however, and plans to auction it next year have come into consideration.