Dr. Robotnik

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Dr. Ivo Robotnik, perhaps better known as Dr. Eggman, is a world famous doctor best renowned for his evil plots of world domination, which are always thwarted by a blue rat.

Early Life[edit]

Abandoned by his parents while he was still a baby in 1950, he cried for days until a peasant named Hask found him, alone and starving. Due to Hask's inability to procreate, Hask illegally adopted the babe and began raising him as if he were his own flesh and blood.

Naming the baby Ivo Robotnik, Hask raised Robotnik from his isolated forest home, and quickly became sure his son was destined for great things. By the age of 10, Robotnik had fully matured in every way except one. Pleased with his work, Hask was finally able to move on to the spirit world. Distraught from learning his father was a ghost, Robotnik left home and applied for a job at Wendy's.

Plan 2[edit]

One of the rare moments that he's not holding a joint or a Big Mac

After his embarrassing defeat, Robotnik then sneaked in to a Star Wars Movie. He saw the Death Star and decided to make his own version which he called the Death Egg.[1]

This time he went to multiple Junkyards to make it (with some help from his remaining robots). He also somehow found out about Chaos Emeralds which Robotnik thought was just another name for Crack Diamonds, but he found out that they're not. Eggman tried to find the Emeralds but failed. Sonic and his new friend Tails found them and whooped Robotnik again and destroyed the Death Egg.

On the spot plan[edit]

Robotnik landed on an island and was greeted by Knuckles the Dumbass Echidna who thought Robotnik was a talking Egg who wanted to steal his Master Emerald. Robotnik thought this was a good time to lie to the extreme that Sonic and Tails are coming to steal the Master Emerald and Eggman wants to help Knuckles. Knuckles, being the dumbass that he is, thinks Robotnik is telling the truth and helps Robotnik.

Eventually Knuckles sees Robotnik steal the Emerald and cries out to Eggman "I thought we had something special!" and Robotnik electrocutes him shortly after. Sonic of course beats the shit out of Robotnik, blows up the Death Egg again and gives the Master Emerald back to Knuckles.


Sometime after his third defeat he gains depression. He even tries to off himself, but ultimately pussies out. Then one day he had the idea to travel the world to find out what his purpose was. He stumbles across some hieroglyphics that tell about a Tentacle Monster made out of water that's trapped in the Master Emerald that feeds on Chaos Emeralds.

Robotnik then smashed the Master Emerald which encouraged the monster to work for him.[2] Robotnik raised him like a son, but the Monster only like him for the Chaos Emeralds and eventually betrayed him.

He also changed his name to Eggman, made a giant Aircraft known as the Egg Carrier and more robots, but that's not too important. Eggman tries to destroy the Monster with a laser from the Egg Carrier 2 but is as useless as your mom. Chaos then fired his laser on him and he crashed.

Dr. Robotnik offers a cake to Chaos after he shot him with a laser, but Chaos knew the cake was a lie.

Sonic of course defeated the Monster.

More shit happens[edit]

Robotnik falls into a dumpster only to find his Great Grandfathers Diary, that talked about the Ultimate Lifeform. So Robotnik made The Egg Walker and went to Prison Island to get it. He did and turns out it was just a hedgehog that had somewhat of a cool British accent. The Hedgehog's name is Shadow and teams up with Robotnik to rule the world.[3]

A bat with big boobs who is actually a G.U.N agent "helps" them. His proudest moment occurs when he almost kills Sonic, but he lives because of a weak twist. Robotnik eventually gets all 7 Chaos Emeralds but finds out that the Ark (oh yeah did I tell you about the Ark? It's not that important so don't worry about it) will crash into Earth. Robotnik along with everyone else makes sure the Ark doesn't crash, even Shadow. Then a huge Frickin' Lizard who is actually a suicide bomber made by Robotnik's Great Grandfather to make sure the Ark crashes. But he is eventually defeated by the combined duo of Sonic and Shadow. Shadow somehow manages to fall to earth being severely injured but not dead.

Metal Sonic[edit]

Oh yeah, Robotnik also made a robot named Metal Sonic. He betrays Robotnik by locking him up with only a faulty walkie talkie that makes his voice sound similar to Justin Bieber. Metal Sonic also impersonates Robotnik and takes control of his Army. He is eventually defeated by the Superpower of teamwork and Robotnik is freed by some idiots with another Walkie talkie because Robotnik promised them lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of money. He instead runs away from them because he is still broke and the only thing of high value he had was A Chocolate Chip Cookie.

Shit Gets weirder[edit]

Something happens but then it doesn't happen. Confusing isn't it? Also he turns Sonic into a Werehog which backfires. He also tried to enslave aliens but failed. He tries to do everything he did before and fails. He was outside the Space-time Continuum for a year.[4] Eggman was eventually brought back into the Space-time Continuum by Dick Cheney. Dick Cheney got Robotnik to run for president (Cheney had to create a LOT of fake papers so he could do so).

Robotnik will run for President[edit]

Robotnik of course agreed, how CAN you say no to Dick Cheney? They plan to run in 2016.


  1. It is rumoured that his tendency to use psychotropic drugs may have influenced this decision
  2. In the world of video game plots, this is logical.
  3. Shadow secretly plans to destroy the world but lies to Eggman that they will rule it together. Again, in the world of video game plots, this is logical.
  4. Even in the world of video game plots, this is bat fuck insane.