DragonForce

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search
The action figure that inspired the band's name.

DragonForce - not to be confused with DragonFarce - is the name of a scientific research program aimed toward discovering the effects of combining extremely powerful Amphetamines and Power Metal.

Line-up[edit]

"For the better" Dragonforce line-up changes.

Herman Li - Asian, "fast" guitar

Sam Totman - Hair

Fred Leclerq - Thunder

ZP Theart - Vocals, Beer

Dave Mackintosh - Earthquakes

Vadim Pruzhanov - Backup Explosions

Beginnings[edit]

DragonForce experienced phenomenal success in 2003, as captured in this 1996 interactive tribute.

It is said when God created the universe out of the fat that Al Roker had lost after the near-impossible feat of cutting through his stomach for his weight loss surgery in 1800s, two separate entities were born. The first was that of the Karate Kommandos, which through years of story telling, bad translations, and Late Night with Conan O'Brien, became the entity known as Chuck Norris. The second of these entities was DragonForce.

After their creation, Colin Mochrie rejoiced and punched a baby the likes of which has never been surpassed in honor of the bands guitar solos. So, for many years parties like these were thrown, and DragonForce continued to kick ass. This was about to change however.

The DragonForce parties ended abruptly after God "stopped being cool" according to one the band members. Some argue that this was a result of God not being as big of a redneck as Mississippians wish he was and therefore not liking the bluegrass stylings of the band. The band then traveled the world, training such disciples as Metallica, Iron Maiden, Led Zeppelin, and Kevin Federline(whose face they later completely melted off for breaking the most holy of all rules) in the ways of rock.

In order to keep up the guise of a normal band (foolhardy as this was) the band commited ritual mass suicide, had their bodies transported to Soviet Russia, and were ceremonially revived by a team of scientists. This ceremony involved various unrelated things, including The Demented Cartoon Movie, Eskimos, and sacred fires filled with Mega Man 4 game cartridges.

Notable Songs[edit]

The asian guy pwning Whatshisface.

Unfortunately for you and me, these are the only songs that us human beings can hear without spontaneously combusting.

Through the Fire and Flames-- Written when lead singer ZP Theart threw a baby in a burning building.

Black Winter Night-- They played this song so loud that it caused the 1977 New York City Blackout.

Operation Ground and Pound-- Inspired when Herman Li began playing 'Fury of the Storm' on a meat tenderizer. ZP Theart was wasted at the time and wrote a song about naked homeless guys.

Valley of the Damned-- Inspired by Theart's family

Black Fire-- Actually pronounced "The Death of Jesus," was created when GWAR challenged DragonForce to "make songs about crooch (sic)." Herman Li proceeded to super glue Oderus Urungus's face to his hair; which is represented by the line "Shadows of a pale moonlight ride the waves of entity."

Cry for Eternity-- Written when Herman Li was dumped by his boyfriend, a homeless guy. Three days later, he pummeled his cock with a hammer

Fury of the Storm-- It is Believed that Herman Li was using his cock, spinning in circles all over the world, and playing his mom, creating a massive storm. The people that survived that storm say that it felt like there was an organ in their ears and everyone was screaming.

Starfire-- It is estimated that 99% of this song is played so fast, it never even has a chance to get processed by the human ear.

Disciples of Babylon-- About the time at a concert where the band managed to create enough momentum and energy that they we're transported back in time to the Babylonian era(Currently holds time travel record for furthest time traveled back to by use of power metal). The song is about how the band became disciples of the future and searched for a way to generate the same amount of energy and reverse it, which they theorized would put them back in the correct place in time. To do this they had to gather the entire nation at one concert and play Through the Fire and Flames backwards, but due to the slight lack of man power, they had to play it 5 times as fast as well. Eventually they managed to put themselves back at the concert but not without a price, they had to play the acoustic guitar for a section of the song. The band refuses to disclose the reason for the necessity of the acoustic guitar, but strictly enforces the fact that it was needed.


Revolution DeathSquad--About the time when Herman Li was soloing so fast, that he caused the very fabric of the universe to take a major shit to equal herman li's talent, allowing an army of Viking Pirate-Ninjas to enter our universe. But fortunately, Sam Totman was able to defeat them with his drunkeness.

Typical Song (in tab form)[edit]

This is the easiest solo that the gods of guitars have made; it's for those that want to transcend and try to come close to half their level.

                                                     |tune down to drop D for the second half           infinity
e|/263/4\346634236-34645374----vvv-v-----unleashthecattle--9283574h2389573h89p465789h23465365237657893468<><>5685656---
b|7\645545425657-99995937589h237657h8912p3p6p2p3p51235426589☺2h657h8658h9236591h26591265896-97856374658964897673-4-----
g|777\486-5908347268905h45689234bowstring563487634/8976349076397690348h6h7239086h903487h602389vvvvvv/7690372608976098--
d|4/545/775345457457-8927346573469285/638573297/5/6\2/7/895678923465983476258h7689374h658792365897263489572678956------
a|----------------3---------------------2--p4p4p--667896507--12-34726492784-p-----<><><><>53436363624034027---76577665
e|-------------15896-------------------------------------------------------------6--------------------------------3---

Notable Facts[edit]

  • In order to maintain a decently large fanbase of mere mortals like you and I, DragonForce is required to take horse tranquilizers before each and every performance they have ever performed. There were only three survivors. Herman Li, McGuyver, and Axl Rose (The rest of the band were cloned from strands of hair on the ceiling).
Typical Dragonforce concert.
  • In every video you've seen and music file you've listened to, the music has been slowed down dramatically from their dramatically slowed-down Extreme Power Metal.
  • DragonForce is one of the few things that can kill a grue.
  • DragonForce are the creators of the music program Limewire. They have managed to send keyloggers to over 1,000,000 people worldwide, causing eternal frustration and a large loss of credit card numbers.
  • Halfway through the original Valley of the Damned album, the band ran out of notes. The Deluxe Edition, coming out in January of 1066, includes the 75 minutes of silence as a bonus track. It is said that this silence is the fastest recorded silence played (by Herman Li) since Ted Nugent's "Cat Scratch Fever" of 1904.
  • Herman Li's parents were actually a Korean Dragon and a Chinese Dragon, however he was tragically born in a human's body. His burning dragon blood and fury is personified through Extreme Power Metal. His hair is actually fine steel wire plated delicately with brown scales.
  • If you attempt to play a DragonForce DDR song, not only will your feet, the machine, and the building it was in melt, but you will also automatically fail every game of DDR Flash Flash Revolution, or Pump it Up that you will ever attempt to play. Don't do it!
  • Little does everyone know, DragonForce was the first metal band. Before DragonForce, there was no metal. In fact, before DragonForce, men lived in caves and hunted their prey.
Um, you missed a step.
  • There are two types of metal: Pussy metal, and DragonForce.
  • Recent studies have shown that if "Through the Fire and Flames" was in Guitar hero II it would have been even harder than "Jordan." Buckethead has not commented on the issue, only leaving a coupon for a free bucket of chicken from KFC on your doorstep.
  • A new study conducted by professors at Harvard University shows that DragonForce is the only noteable band that can handle a Key-tar without becoming a one-hit-wonder.
  • The originators of Sonic the Hedgehog got the idea for the name of the character from the second DragonForce album, Sonic Firestorm. How this was done before DragonForce ever formed has yet to be determined.
  • It is reported that Dragonforce and Trogdor once were on stage at the same time. but the awesomeness was so great that it ripped a hole in the time-space continuum,causing the audience to be transported to the Ice Age.
  • Whenever there is a threat to our homeland security, the President calls upon DragonForce to save the day. They arrive in a homemade jet called the DragonHeart, riding with fire burning hot towards the night sky, and use all their might to slay the terrorists and fly off above the winter moonlight. (Their Might is the Wind)
  • Herman Li's hair is so long, he once clothed himself with it and nobody noticed he wasn't wearing anything.
  • Whenever you hear the sound of thunder in the sky, it's not the weather acting up. It's DragonForce performing a private show for Elvis. 'Cause Elvis is down with the D-Force.
  • DragonForce taught David Lee Roth how to jump really high in his music videos.
  • "The Shredder" from the Ninja Turtles was obviously a fan of Herman Li. Kevin Nash isn't, though, so DragonForce tore his quad.
  • Herman Li has thirteen fingers and four thumbs on his right hand. This pleases everyone: his audience, and your mom.
  • Leading psychologists have conducted a new study that has determined that exposure to DragonForce's highly uplifting melodies at an early age has greatly decreased suicide rates.
  • DragonForce's music is like a conga dance: 1, 2, 3, and kick every other power metal band's ass.
  • Every member of DragonForce has special powers. Sam has Medusa pants. Anyone who looks at his white, skin-tight jeans is immediately turned to stone. Fredric can play his bass so hard, he can summon thunder with it. Herman has the "power of hair" which allows him to fly and to eliminate inferior musicians from a distance. Dave kicks the shit out of people at a rate of fifty kicks to the face per second. Vadim's holy jeans are so mesmerizing, they stun his nu-metal enemies while he tears out every one of their veins and uses them as piano strings. ZP has the power of "balls in a vice grip" which allows him to put his enemies' balls into a vice grip...
  • When something is a little dull or plain, it either needs more cowbell, or more DragonForce (or both.)
Minimum safe viewing distance for Dragonforce. Notice the sonic distortion of the image. WARNING: Extended viewing may cause hearing loss.
  • The only two things visible from space with the naked eye are the Great Wall Of China and Herman Li's hair.
  • DragonForce tends to destroy all the buildings in which they play due to sonic booms.
  • Ever since 1999, the year DragonForce formed, sonic boom related deaths have risen tenfold.
  • There's real music, and then there's DragonForce. DragonForce doesn't qualify as "real" music, because their skills are so godlike, their music couldn't possibly be created by man, and so it must be unreal.
  • One time, DragonForce played a gig near Mt. St. Helens in Washington state. A sonic boom from their speakers caused one whole side of the mountain to blow up. Little do most people know, that volcano was completely dormant.
  • Historians made-up an important discovery this week when they discovered hidden documents from a thousand years ago, written by William the Conqueror. They appear to be part of his personal diary. In it, he writes his personal thoughts, opinions, and justifications for all of his conquests. He states that the true reason for his invasion of England was so he could go see DragonForce.
  • A controversial fact is that during a few live performances, Bruce Campbell showed up as a guest guitarist. Interestingly, Bruce was without an electric guitar each time, so he used his chainsaw with his shotgun as an amplifier. It was one of the few times in history where thousands of people said "Holy crap" in unison, and the only time when "Holy crap" was followed by "Groovy".
  • Physicists have recently found that DragonForce in fact controls the 5th, 6th, and 7th dimensions through controlled harmonic disturbances. This has consequently destroyed both Quantum and Superstring theories and renamed the very title of "Theory of Everything" to "DragonForce".
  • If you attempt to play any DragonForce song without ANY proper hand protection, your fingers will catch fire, melt, and explode, in that order. This applies to any instrument, including Air Guitar.
"Every time a copy of a DragonForce album comes to life, a child dies", as portrayed in the 1996 SEGA Saturn documentary.
  • Every time a copy of a DragonForce album comes to life, a child dies.
  • A reporter once asked the members of DragonForce why they spell their band name with a capital F. The reporter is deemed missing and presumed dead.
  • Time travel was proven possible for the first time in history in 1999 by DragonForce, when they played two songs in a row.
  • Force-fiend Luke Skywalker's dismemberment could have been avoided, had he only used DragonForce instead of the normal crap-ass "Force". Obviously.
  • DragonForce's solos occupy 50,000 positions in Guitar World Magazine's 100 "Greatest Solos of All Time" list. Herman Li also created said planet by ripping out a gravitron pinch harmonic while taking a leak and not really concentrating.
  • A recent adaptation of the theory of relativity to the presence of DragonForce in the universe confirms that, if any band, kung-fu artist, or other entity is seen going at or above the speed of DragonForce, it is in fact always moving at the absolute speed of DragonForce, regardless of point of reference or apparent velocity, DragonForce. As a result, the entity in question must necessarily be DragonForce itself, and this DragonForce forms the basis for all elements in the universe, including DragonForce. Furthermore, this theorem can be derived to prove that DragonForce is the universe. DragonForce.
  • DragonForce should not be confused with Garden Force, as the former is a metal band and the latter does nasty things with a flying V guitar and horticulture.
  • DragonForce caused Hurricane Katrina by forgetting to change the tempo on their metronome from "super deadly extremo" to "99% of eardrum combustion" during a jam session.

See Also[edit]

Template:Rewrite/Soft