Drumline

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

Drumline is a movie directed by Charles Stoned III.

Released in Pakistani "theatres" in 1750, it ended up being a major flop. It was, however, re-released in 1935 in St. Nevis and Kitts (a tiny island in the Pacific which has a population of 16 people), where it also flopped.

Cast[edit]

Director Charles Stoned III originally wanted Paris Hilton to star as Devon, the talented African-American male drummer, for the Director's cut release of Drumline. He also contemplated using a stupid blond as a drumstick. Aspiring rapper Kevin Federline insisted to star as Devon, but Stoned declined as Federline did not attend daily shootings due to his tight schedule which primarily consisted of sitting at home and eating Cheetos while using myspace.com to socialize with his only fangirl - Stacy.

Eventually, Stoned fired his initial cast because the black spraypaint bills were more expensive than band performances. In a confusing series of events, Nicolas Cannonball approached the director at gunpoint. The next day, Stoned announced that Cannonball is to be the new protagonist.

Stoned later hired a shaved gorilla to act as Sean, the ripped drumline section leader - the caracter featured an ugly scar above his lip caused in a horrific battle with a dead liger.

Florida Jones stars as Dr. Lee, a Chinese black dude who directs the Clown College Marching Band. His rival, Lil. PimpPatel of the Morris Magenta College of Dropouts, is looking to win the BET Classique's grand prize - 50% off a McFlurry at McDonald's (note that this McFlurry can only be purchased on Tuesdays at 11:59 PM in Pakistan, which must be served by a short man in a hejab. This is in honor of the film's original release in our Paki motherland).

Layla, the love interest of Superman, is played by Subramanyam Chandrashekhar; a kind, strong Indian man who frequently cooked chicken curry for the cast when they were on their best behavior. However, Superman prefers chunky men over the thin ones.

Soundtrack[edit]

In the third installment of Drumline, Stoned ripped the music off a no-name band called "Drumline - The Soundtrack". His editing team was composed of the multi-tasker Caroline Kempphotoshopped drumsticks (multiple images of herself), as well as hats to make it seem as though the actors were playing the music.

Criticism[edit]

I fell asleep when watching the movie, but woke up when the credits rolled up. This is why I know who the characters were played by.