Duckula: Dead and Loving It

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Mwa ha ha ha ha!
This article wants to drink your blood!
Duckula: Dead and Loving It
Prototype movie poster
  • The vampire zanier than all Transylvania!
  • From director Mel Brooks comes a new era of horror
  • Welcome to your worst nightmare...
Writers Oscar Wilde, Mel Brooks
Producers Mel Brooks
Director Mel Brooks
Runtime Ninety (90) minutes
Language English / Amish
Distributed by Fox Bros. Network
IMDb rating

Duckula: Dead and Loving It is a 1995 horror film produced and directed by Mel Brooks, telling the story of the sinister vampire Count Duckula.


The scene opens in Transylvania in 1893, where a travelling conman named Thomas Henfield (played by Jim Carrey) is trying to rip people off by selling them fake deeds. As he travels around the country, he accidentally arrives at Castle Duckula, where he is greeted by the infamous Count Duckula (played by Daffy Duck).

Duckula, aware of Henfield's scam, shows him to a guest room, where Duckula's bride (played by Minerva Mink) fucks him with Sindel (played by Hayley Smith) like there's no tomorrow, thus winning him over. With Henfield's aid, Duckula is able to secure the purchase of Carparts Abbey in England, and after winning a divorce over his bride, Duckula sets off with Henfield to England.

In the coastal town of Zitby, Carparts Abbey adjoins the grounds of a shoddy hotel called Sawlty Towers, owned by local paedophile Dr. Semen (played by Albert Einstein), who lives with his daughter Mina (Lola Bunny) and his ward Lucy Westenwren (Slappy Squirrel). Henfield checks into the hotel whilst Duckula rests in the Abbey. Henfield wanders around the hotel, finding victims for both his master and for his forgery scams.

At night, Duckula emerges from his coffin in the Abbey, and with the aid of an acetalyne torch, gains access to Lucy's bedroom, and proceeds to suck blood from her neck, and to suck cum from her vagina. The next morning, Dr. Semen examines her, and sees that something is amiss. He summons Jonothan (Oscar Wilde), Mina's husband, but he can find no trace either. After a session of pondering and pandering, they decide to summon Dr. Abraham Lincoln Van Helsing (Stephen Hawking), an expert in rare diseases.

Helsing arrives later in the day, along with his all-American assistant Quince Morris (played by Skippy Squirrel). After careful examination, Van Helsing concludes that they are dealing with either a pervert or a vampire, and that they must take precautions for that evening should the pervert / vampire strike again.

That night, Sindel and Duckula emerges once again, but is repelled from Lucy's room by the smell of Vinegar. He uses Henfield to remove the smell by spraying Eau de Toilette everywhere, allowing Duckula to drain Lucy of her last drop of blood, and to escape into the night with blood and cum all over his beak.

Jonothan suspects Duckula after seeing his beak covered in dried blood and semen stains, and sets off with Van Helsing and Morris to watch over Lucy's grave, only to discover to their horror that Lucy is now a vampire, and the only way to put her to rest is to cut off her head, poke out the eyes and boil the head in oil [NOTE: Mel Brooks supposedly chose this over the wooden stake cliche for dramatic effect.]

With Lucy at rest, the trio return to Dr. Semen to find that Duckula has carried Mina off to Transylvania. The group follow him, and run him through back at Castle Duckula with the aid of a treadmill, but Quince dies during the fight after his penis is impaled on a sharp gargoyle. Afterward, Mina is released from the vampire's curse, and Van Helsing runs off to marry Duckula's divorced bride.


The movie was generally well-received by well audiences who had well-watched the well-received film in, well, wells. Roger Ebert for Paedophile Weekly said of the movie:

Even if the body count is pretty low, I still think that Brooks pulled off a great job on this one. Hell, it's even better than that crappy Brantford movie he made last week!

Some critics likened the movie to Bloodbath at the House of Death, a docu-drama movie which also featured a vampire count causing mayhem in Great Britain. As Your Mom for USA Today wrote:

The movie is essentially a homage to Bloodbath whilst at the same time reflecting the classic tale of Count Duckula. Let's face it, this is one shitfucking great film!

Some noted how the main cast from the Slappy's Angels series had all appeared in this film before becoming stars in their own right. But to be frank, nobody cares.

Even the Nostalgia Critic claims, It's an everyday shit for everyone to see. This is the good ones by Mel Brooks and it's way much better than that puke-tits called, Plan 9 from Outer Space, in my opinion.

The movie took $26,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 at the Box Office in it's opening weekend, making it even more successful than Brantford, another fantasy-film by Mel Brooks released in the same year which also featured Daffy Duck. In total, the movie made $86,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,009.99 worldwide, which is impossible but it happened anyway.


See Also[edit]