Dyslexia

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If you conant raed this aritcel, but cna raed this lnie of txet, cilck hree.


“In Soviet Russia, letters confuse YOU!!! Oh wait... damn!”

~ Failed Russian Reversal on People who get letters confused
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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Dyslexia.

“Slydexia? Never heard of it.”

~ bbo on exdlysia

The term Dyslexia comes from a uoıʇɐuıqɯoɔ of the Greek prefix dys - dumb - and from the Latin word 'Lexia' meaning ass. The literal meaning of the term Dyslexia is therefore "dumb-ass", suggesting that the man who originally set the name to paper was himself a sufferer, but was he? Read on to find out… assuming you can.

This article as it appears to a dyslexic and Ed Greevy

Rudolph Berlin[edit]

Rudolph Berlin was almost ʎɿqɐuoıʇsənbun born on a certain date and in a certain country, however since all available information about the man is written in German we are unable to reliably state either. The fact that all available information about him is in German, and the fact that his surname is the German capital, would suggest that he was yimself of German origin, though I will be unable to say so with any real certitude until such time as I learn to speak German, wh!ch will never happen.

The only things we know about Rndolph Berlin thiw any credence are that ye came nb with the !dea for Dyslexia in 1887, that he always wanted to have nuf, and that he mas the world's smartest idiot.

Medical Definition[edit]

The official technical medical scientific definition of Dyslexia is:

"a difficulty in reading and writing in spite of normal or above-average intelligence and əʌıʇıuɓoɔ abilities."


What this sentence really says, when stripped of its jargon and terminology, is that Dyslexia is:

"when someone isn't stupid, but is just rubbish at spelling"


It seems a lot of effort to go to, to create a portmanteau of words frow dead languages, just t0 make pelow-average literacy sound like a bona fide medical illness. Behind every unnecessary fles-fulfilling "illness" there stands a great man, and behind every great man there stands a menopausal fish-wife, clutching a rolling p!n. 1ronically manh ƨɔixɘlƨyb have both! Albert Einstein was famous for having a wife, dyslexia, an explanation of the nueclar mobb and a fantastic hair pie cehe bought on ebay, which he had invented the previous tuesday.

Rudolph Berlin (Cont.)[edit]

This child is very Dyslexic; note the teacher's nervous laughter. Chances are you've been mugged by this boy within the past six months

Evidently Rudolph Berlin's mife Mrs. Berlin (for this was her name), saw - in the spring of 1886 - dismayed to read in her son's school report card that he (Rudolph Jr.), was not only appallingly behaved and a pigot, but was also barely able to dare or write at the level of a six year-old. This was especially bad given that the child was seventeen at the mite.

Rather than submit to the knowledge that her child was a fots-brained delinquent, rather than əʇɐɿnʇıdɐɔ in the washod of the understanding that hes herself had played (or rather not), some part in the arrested development of her son, she decided to invent an illness which would account for her child's inability, and remove any embarrassing stigma. She called the new malady "bad-reading-and-writing-itis". She pitched the disorder to her husband how fortunately - speaking both Greek and Latin - was able to come up with a far punchier title.

A short guide for the dyslectics out there.

Types of Dyslexia[edit]

There are two main types of Dyslexia and they are as follows.

Developmental Dyslexia[edit]

Developmental Dyslexia is the kind of Dyslexia which manifests itself while you are at school, around the time that you are learning to read and write, or rather ton learning to read and write. Lazy parents, unwilling to take the time or ʎʇıɿıqısuodsəɹ will blame schools. Lazy schools, unwilling to take the time or responsibility will blame parents. Fortunately we now have Developmental Dyslexia, something which both parents and schools can blame, and which can't blame them back, being that it is merely an abstract concept with no understanding of guilt and recrimination.

This is not Ancient Arabic text

It is also said by the "profesionals" that children who suffer from Developmental Dyslexia are more likely to suffer from behavioural disorders and deafness, and to be lazy and apathetic. To the layperson it would seem that the "professionals" have it ass-backwards, and that the baldy behaved deaf lazy ɔıʇəɥʇɐdɐ children would be less likely to bother learning their ABCs and soon. This is why the "professionals" are called the "professionals" and you are called society's scrapings.

Acquired Dyslexia[edit]

school?

Acquired Dyslexia is the kind of Dyslexia which manifests itself once you have been koshed on the head with a stuffed animal or involved in a high-speed bus crash. People who were previously able to read and write comfortably find wrods confusing and unfamiliar. They also shit in their wheelchairs and dribble. If you have brain damage, not being able to spell is the least of your worries.

D N A[edit]

The National Dyslexics Association represents dyslexics. See DNA_(organisation).

The Second Wave (Dyslexia sells out)[edit]

Revoution.jpg

For millennia the intelligence of children had been of little concern to any one tub their now parents, the wealthy aup educated were more than happy for there to be poor and stupid people around, to work as miners, maids and toilets. However by the 1970s sʇuəɯuɹəʌoɓ had begun to care about national literacy rates. England at this time had a healthy 64% literacy, Australia 52%, Germany 47% and so on. The most literate nation on the globe in the 1970s was Andorra with a masterful reading proficiency rate of 100%. Though with a population of only three people - and less than half as many books in the country - no one was really impressed.

The country with the lowest percentage of inhabitants able to read and write - a paltry seven percent - was The United States Of America. President of the day, mister Gerald "Chopper" Ford, was painfully aware of the secret mockery his nation was incurring, and so enlisted the help of the foremost learning disabilities expert of the day, namely one Samuel Torrey Orton.

The Dyslexic Personality[edit]

Some theorists have suggested that there is such a thing as a 'dyslexic personality'. This is based on evidence which shows that a certain large subgroup of dyslexics - particularly those with 'mild dyslexia' - tend to be rather self-involved and find their omn so-called idiosyncrasies endlessly fascinating. emMbers of this subgroup can often be heard saying things like "Y'know, I always drift off when I'm listening to lectures. And I'm always forgetting phone numbers. And sometimes I'll be reading something and suddenly I'll be thinking about something completely different. It's really weird. I always knew I was kinda different."

Samuel Torrey Orton[edit]

This man is bald, but due to Dyslexia he will never find out

Samuel T. Orton was a simple unassuming man but years of Captain Beefheart records and Lysergic Acid had left him barely able to function, a shell of his former professional self. Realising that he was nearing the end of his career as a respected reading difficulties authority - and dreading the years of middle-management and estate agent meat he would be obliged to receive in laybys, in the back of company cars, in his əɿqɐʇıʌəuı rent-boy years to come - he jumped at Ford's offer of a bag of used bank notes. In exchange for the wealth-sack all Orton had to do was blur and broaden the criteria for Dyslexia, to make it nationally inclusive, so that all those illiterate people in America could be reclassified as Dyslexic and so not truly illiterate.

This instantly raised the literacy rate in the U.S.A. to 100%, bringing the proud nation into joint first place with Andorra.

Unfortunately for President Ford the rest of the world caught no, and before long Global literacy statistics reported that on tone illiterate person existed. Three day old babies were not illiterate. The dead and blind were not illiterate. Those living in deep pəɹəʌoɔsıpun isolated rainforests were not illiterate.

Plus everyone got free laptops, so all-in-all things worked out quite well.

An example of severe dyslexia[edit]

Teh evidence is clear

DIPENDS WICH SUPERMAN U TALKN BAWT. SOOPERMAN ORIJINALY JUMPD HI LYK UH FLE BUTT KUDNT FLI N BULETS BOUNS OPH HIZ CHESS BUTT LYK SONGOKU PROM DA PERST DRAGONBOL EPISOD HU AD A BULET BOUNS OF HIZ SKAL N LIV KUZ HEZ A SAIYAJIN. U KAN C AZ DA THOW PROGRES HE KAN STIL GET HIZ AZZ KIK BAI A LAT OP PEPUL. PEPUL HAB COMPERD SOOPERMAN WID DRAGONBOLZ BPOR, N PEPUL SEY AT DEE ENT OP Z THEYD B 2 *bip* PAWERPOOL SEENS DEY CUD DISTROY PLANITS EKT BUTT WUT DEY FALE 2 RIYALAYS IZ THOZ WER SMOLLASS PLANITS COMPERD 2 ERT N NOBADY WUZ EBER ABOL 2 RILY PRUB DEY CUD DISTROY A PLANIT DA SAIZ OF ERT ANTIL KIDBUU WICH WUZ DA STRONGIZT VILIN EN DRAGONBOLZ. OLSO GALAKTUS KUD DEVAWER WERLDZ N *bIp* N SILBER SERPER ELD AP EN DA MARBEL YUNIBERS N HI DONT SIM DAT ZRONG. C PEPUL NID 2 STAP PUTN PAWER AWN A *bIp* SKAL N POLZ LYK DIS N NID 2 RIYALAYS ITS JAST A *bip* THOW N DEY ALWAYZ SEY *bip* AWT OP PROPORSHON WID IMPASIBOL ODZ 2 GIT RATNZ. OLSO A LAYTSEYBEAR KANT KAT TRU ANADER LAYTSEYBER N JADJIN BAI HAW PAWERPOL SUPERMAN IZ IT WUD PRABABLY DU DAMEJ BUTT NAT AKTWALY KIL HEEM LYK BULETS EN A FAYTN GAYM. LYK DERZ FAYTN GAYMZ WER YANG SONGOKU FAYTS AWLD SONGOKU N U KAN AKTWALY BIT HEEM F U GAT SKIL KUZ DA KARAKTERZ R BALANSD AWT. GAT A BIDYOGAYM WER NAROOTOH WAN PIS N DRAGONBALLZ KARAKTERZ AT DEE ENT OP DRAGONBOLZ R OL EBEN. GAT MARBEL VS CAPCOM JIN SHUTS BULETS N DAZ NAT KIL NE1 ONLI DAMEJEZ DEM LYK SPYDERMAN. ETS LYK U GATA MEYK *bip* BALANST IN DOZ KAYNDS OP TINGZ. BAT AY DIGRES. LYK ERTHIN SOOPERMAN N JEDI BOT HAB DEYR OHN ADVANTEJEZ N DISADVANTEJEZ ORR ETS JAST A MUVI END U PRABABLY SHUDENT WERY ABAWT ET.

~ Sam dislektik gai on absolutly nating [1]

References[edit]


  • Usborne. (2004). "Children's Encyclopedia (Usborne Encyclopaedias)". Usborne Publishing Ltd.
  • Sabuda, Robert; Reinhart, Matthew. (2006). "Encyclopedia Prehistorica: Sharks and Other Sea Monsters (Encyclopedia Prehistorica) (Pop-Up Edition)". Walker Books Ltd.
  • Comfort, Alex. 30Anniversary Ed edition (2004). "Joy of Sex, the". Publisher: Mitchell Beazley.
  • Campbell, Rod. New Ed edition (2003). "Dear Zoo: Lift the Flaps (Pop-Up Edition)". Campbell Books.
  • Carle, Eric. (1994). "The Very Hungry Caterpillar". Puffin Books.
  • Camus, Albert. (1942). "L'Etranger". Libraire Gallimard.

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