Edam

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Edam has several possible meanings, all of which will be explored here.

Edam as Legendary Hero[edit]

Many are familiar with the Bible legend of Adam and Eve, who were claimed to be the original human beings. In these times, however, few are familiar with the ancient Manx legend of Edam and Orv, ancestors of the Manx.

Edam and Orv were born in Omaha, Nebraska, just before teatime on the ides of December. In the customs of their native land, this made them "soul companions", who were intended to be together (you know, together, in that sort of way). However, Edam was a chipmunk and Orv was a beluga whale. This made things difficult. A bunch of stuff happened, and then John Cleese cut the Gordian knot, faeries spilled out of every bean and sprinkled the soil with their magic effluvia, and everybody lived happily ever after. Also, there were no more Smurfs. For this reason, this legend was put on the Index of Prohibited Books by Pope Sinistrus XVI in 1555, and was only recently made available to the public.

Edam as Gardening Spot and Type of Cheese[edit]

In the aforementioned Manx legend, Edam the Former Chipmunk had a garden that was located in present-day Bashkortostan. It was covered in eight feet of water, but it was still extraordinarily fertile and pleasing to the eye, and Edam was an aquatic chipmunk who could savor its glory. For lack of a better name, it was called the Garden of Edam. The cows who frolicked in the Garden made a peculiar sort of cheese that is still beloved by the Dutch. For lack of a better name, it was called the Cheese of Edam. Most moderns drop the first part; to them, it is merely known as Edam. The most curious thing about it is how it is produced; Edam is made backwards.

Edam as Electronic Interjection[edit]

Internet-savvy children who had previously damned their comrades with the spoken word have taken to sending "e-damns" to the recipients of their anger. Since this is an era where a paucity of letters is appreciated by the young, it has since been shortened to "edam", as in, "edam u bizzotch".

Special Notes[edit]

  • Edam u bizzotch is also a Gaelic phrase meaning "heaps of blessings upon thee and the cow thou callest thine". It is properly pronounced "rafe fines".