Edward James Olmos

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Edwar James Olmos, this guy is a wiz at geting laid

Edward James Olmos (Born: 1825 Death: 1990) has long held a place in all of out hearts as the national scarer of children. Despite already having died from an overdose of 6 bean chilli, Olmos manages to carry on bringing us years of shit fabulous entertainment year after year.

Death and Rebirth of Evangelion[edit]

Okay, which one is Olmos again?

Olmos on the surface is a cheery charicter, but under the surface he is a boiling chili bowl of hatred. He just cannot get over the fact that WE WON THE ALIMO. Thus the focus of his hatred was the US government, and using his affiliation with the Kentuckystan Militia, he set up the terrorist orginization Borracho De Los Vendedores De Tacos.

However despite his best attempts to keep his identity a secret, it wasn't long before the US government learned of his identity. The CIA, NSA, ABC, FBI and NBC all made attempts on his life. This made Olmos even more angry, but seeing as he held the Spear of Longious, he believed himself invincible and later came to the conclusion that he was in fact God! This belief produced a large amount of hot air from the vicinity of his mouth, and this combined with a spicy bean diet caused internal combustion which eliminated everyone within a mile of Olmos. This later become known as the Olmos Event, and every year a memorial fiesta is held in Mexico City to honour the dead. However this was not the end of Olmos.

Olmos, having survived death, fuelled by the hatred he felt for everyone and everything. The psychic energy of this hatred was so powerful that it could manipulate physical objects. He used this energy to craft a body from the dead that lay around him. Most of the flesh was already decayed, and the flesh that was intact was warped by the malevolent hatred in his body. This is the cause of the vile rotten husk Olmos is today.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Edward James Olmos.


James Olmos is not a warlike man. He is a warrior of peace just like Islamists! Ha ha ha LOL!. Olmos emphasized that violence should only be used to Oppress and murder helpless mayan chiapas indians and destroy their filthy sub-human communist culture beautify the glorious facist empire republic of Mexico.

It wasn't just Olmos hidious facial features encompassing charisma that frightened inspired his troops to fly the glorious flag of Mexico, it was his tactical knowledge and practical skills in the fart of war. Olmos showed his soldiers how to wield multiple weapons. His soldiers often wielded a machine gun and a battle rifle. They could change weapon using the Y button and jump with the A button.

Sex God[edit]

This guy's so fucking sexy he makes pilots crash their planes

Edward James Olmos, despite being a hulking lump of decaying flesh, never seems to find it difficult to get laid. In fact, he has successfully won miss world 13 years in a row. How did he do it? How do most successful Mexicans do it? He deals and sells cocain to get money, beautiful money, which he uses to pay bitches and hos to do it with him. For a wad full of cash, wouldn't you do it?

  • He is also known to, on occasion, shave his face with a fork.

Time as a Imam[edit]

Take away the beard and replace it with a mustash and you got yourself a Mexican. Go on try it!

Edward James Olmos with the help of his sexual partner Hugo Chavez, Olmos shaved the pubes of his wart encrusted groin and stuck them on his face. Now with a beard he could finally look like a muslim. But why would he want to do this? Because Muslims are the only people in the world who are as hate filled as Edward James Olmos. So Olmos journied to his local Mosque to become a Imam. Fortunately their was a vacancy because the previous Imam had suicide bombed a government building the previous day. Olmos attended the interview and had to pass many tests such as hijacking planes, creating dynamite and abusing women. Fortunately all of these are all favorite pastimes of Mexico and Olmos passed the interview with flying colors.

So Olmos became an Imam amd fufiled his role of recounting the Star Wars saga as is normal with Mosque sermons. At first it was good, the Muslimsing were impressed by the rageing hatred that swelled within Olmos. But not after long Olmos's rage and vile hatred became too much for even the Muslims so they decleared Jihad on Olmos and Mexico. You may wounder why you might not have heard about any of this on the news, but its because no one realy gives a fly shit about Mexico despite it being the industrial heartland and major source of labour for the United States.