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Elitism is a feeling or perception that one individual or group is better than another. Not that I expected you plebeians to know this, of course. I happen to be a doctor of philosophy in over eight different disciplines, and have won the Nobel Prize at least thrice in my distinguished career. Naturally, you would look upon me to illuminate you as to the definition of the term. Mind you, even if I were to simplify it any further, I would probably sooner convey the meaning to a trout before you could gain any significant appreciation of the term. Not that you matter, anyways.

My kind have been responsible for everything great in human civilisation. Left to their own devices, the Great Unwashed would have advanced no farther than mere animals. However, because the cognoscenti were able to forge greatness and triumph, despite the most concerted efforts of the proletarians to retard any and all advancements, humanity is greatly indebted to the elites. You should feel privileged that I took the time from writing my 4,569th article for the most respected and scholarly journal ever published in human history. This is, of course, only possible if your reading skills are developed enough to fully embrace the sheer brilliance of my prose.

We created high culture and the richest artwork ever conceived. Because we are enlightened enough to be the sole judges of what is considered greatness, it would naturally follow that we would be the exclusive source of outstanding cultural artefacts. Not a note is misplaced in our music. Every detail, colour and nuance to our artefacts is so incredibly well engineered that one could only conclude that our artwork is vastly superior to any other. Furthermore, those who do not appreciate our artwork are simply too ignorant and jealous to concede to what is the truth of aesthetics, of which we are the exclusive and absolute authority.

We have reaped our just reward for making such great contributions. I make more money in a day than what most members of the middle class make in three years. By virtue of what I have done for humanity, I drive faster cars, sleep with women of greater quality and in greater quantity than you can possibly imagine, and have property worth more than the combined GDP of every country in the Caribbean.

There are those who shun is and claim that we are not as good as we actually are, or, Heaven forbid, not good at all. But to them, these people can be said to be nothing more than crackpots, the sadder class, and therefore, I say, “I am a better authority on more things than you can count, and therefore I am right and you are wrong.” Not that their opinions are of any consequence. So, get out of my elite, uncaring face.

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