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Elmo, as seen on TV
All your base are belong to Elmo
KEN LIKES BIG DICKSElmo (not to be confused with "emo") is a sexy Puppet on the television show Sesame Street. He as been a leading activist of the North American Puppet - Boy Love Association and encourages gay anal sex with a puppet (preferably himself) before reaching the age of 6. It is to be determined as to if this is furry sex or not (it is). He is a small red incubus with large, cartoon-like eyes and an orange-colored nasal cavity that oozes red snot. He currently hosts Elmo's World, which is aimed at providing more Elmo, because Elmo is the best medium for PBS to brainwash our young children into beliveing giggling wads of cuteness is a good thing. Reportedly Kevin Clash's spirit is trapped inside of humping Uncle Fester, and for that we feel bad. Elmo has recently contracted vaginal cancer, a medical marvel that stumps scientists all over the world.. Elmo recently authored a book, It Started with Father Robert "Creampie" Conole, his Manifesto/ Biography/ biggest piece  of crap since his sex tape with Dorothy the Fish.


  Elmo was born in the ghetto of Newyork Newyork in 1943. He was known as a child genius in his neighborhood, but that changed when a recruit for the army came in the 60s taken for the draft Elmo was soon sent to Veitnam to fight Oscar the grouch who just got back from his trip at animal farm resort.While Elmo was gone at war his neighborhood soon became Seaseme street to biggest redlight disterct in new york. When Elmo returned he discoverd that his home was a porn theater run by a pimp known as Grover. Things soon got worst for Elmo he experienced war flash backs and soon killed every pimp, hooker and any other form of riff raff.

Elmo's crimes[edit]

  • stalking Jennifer Atkinson
  • making George Fitzgerald ginger
  • killing Eminem resuting in Sam Poole's suicide
  • giving birth to John Renolyeds and leaving Amanda with him
  • killing Osama bin Laden in a blender then drinking him, (that is why no one can find him)

Elmo Today[edit]

Elmo tried to get a career going again by connecting with various Fraggles and other washed up kids stars in a one time only concert event. Elmo's fur was looking thin, almost pink and many of the Fraggles were battlUMMMMMM NO U NUBSAUCE I PWN Uing drug dependancy or weight issues. The promoters took a bath on the whole project and Elmo was gone again from the public eye. As if to add further salt to the wounds, PBS put out a classic collection of Sesame Street DVDs which are all free of Elmo. Public eye was again back on Sesame Street and it's ratings improved well back to pre Elmo levels. Though he was frequently asked to appear on MTV, Elmo was not asked to come back to the show and reportedly lives at home with his parents and he drives a Gremlin. He also married his best friend, Zoe, recently and they are now expecting a child together.

Finally, Elmo was murdered in the last days of 2008, or so he wants you to think

What you don't know about Elmo[edit]

When Michael Jakson got accussed of kiddie fiddling it was really Elmo. Elmo threatened Michael so that he would invite the little boys around. then in dark room Elmo 'tickled' the little boys until his needs were satisfied. And beacuse the room was so dark the kids thought it was Michael Jackson.

Whoever wrote that last paragraph is either a f'loon or the world's best journalist. I did it it was all me try and stop me hahahahaha TYLER RUHS IS THE COOLE ST PERSON EVER

Elmos Wrath[edit]

There is no stopping elmo once he has begun, he will destroy all that was and all that will become. He plays innocent, but remember elmo always has his eyes open, he has no eyelids!!!