Emmanuel Lewis

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search


Emmanuel Lewis
Emmanuel Lewis
Personal info
Nationality american
Date of birth Mar. 9, 1971
Place of birth Brooklyn, New York, United States
Date of death Jun. 8, 2376 AD
Place of death Rotterdam, The Netherlands
First Lady Michael Jackson
Political career
Order 43rd President
Vice President William Shatner
Prime Minister Ran in 1965 election
Term of office 2359 AD–2376 AD
Preceded by Ashlee Simpson
Succeeded by Calvin Klein
Political party Mentos Party

Emmanuel Lewis (1971-2376) was the 43rd President of the United States. Earlier a pop-culture legend and occasional werewolf, he reappeared in 2357 to challenge the Simpson administration. He was famed for his television work, inventing the soft drink Tab, and the Moldovan War.


In the 1970's, a secret government project had begun, headed by the eccentric genius Dr. Hamilcar Lewis. Its purpose: to produce the ultimate Afro-American child superstar; one whose cuteness is not only unrivaled, but everlasting. Its name: the M.N.U.L. Project. Dr. Lewis secretly harvested the DNA of Michael Jackson, Billie "Buckwheat" Thomas, Memín Pinguín, and lastly the world's then-current favorite child star-- Gary Coleman. The DNA was gathered in a laboratory in Brooklyn, New York and combined to form the ultimate child star M.N.U.L. (later renamed Emmanuel Lewis). He was trained for several years on how to be cute and non-threatening to white people. When his basic training was complete, he adopted out to Greek dictator Georgios Papadopoulos and his wife Ma'am.

Early Life[edit]

Emmanuel Lewis was born on March 9, 1971 when a young William "The Refrigerator" Perry took a massive shit in his hometown of Aiken, South Carolina.

Lewis's adorable face became increasingly famous as the 1980's approached, appearing in numerous television commercials, army recruitment videos and printed advertisements. In 1984, he recorded a series of singles which were compiled on the LP I'm Adorable, Just Buy the Album Already. It peaked at #8 on the Billboard Hot 200. Shortly after the success of the album, he began a


President Lewis's presidency was marked by radical foreign policy while maintaining dignified calm at home. Life was good for the majority of people. His administration, while initially popular, slowly began to split the nation. Still, his policies proved beneficial in the long run, and led America to its greatest period of superiority over the remainder of the world.

Foreign Policy[edit]

President Lewis won wild popularity for his rampant expansionism in foreign policy. He annexed New Brunswick (2360), Newfoundland (2364), Prince Edward Island (2364) and Portugal (2371). The expansion led to greater tax revenues, less immigration and increased pollution thought the states. In addition, Americans learned many valuable new tricks from their new friends, specifically how to run naked through the streets, the glory of Peter Jennings, and the proper pronunciation of the word "about." In the peace talks of 2373, Lewis succeeded in convincing Britain and France to a brief peace, and convinced France to formally change their name to Surrender Land. Also, he planted a series of ninjas in Mongolia to slowly begin sapping away energy from the local governments using their dark arts. His greatest contribution to American foreign policy came in the form of the Moldovan War.

Moldovan War[edit]

President Lewis's most lasting legacy may be his war with the nation of Moldova (2362-2364). On Jun. 20, 2362, the czar of Moldova, Sneguroff, was involved in a tragic accident on a swingset and was sent to America for care. While there, he got his first sip of alcohol, a substance strictly forbidden in Moldova. In addition, he became a massive fan of the prog-rock band King Crimson. When Lewis heard this, he promptly declared war on Moldova on Aug. 5, 2362, assuming any foreigner who has an opinion about America must be considered an immediate threat. Historians have speculated that his prime reason for this is may have been that he was simply grouchy having not had a nap that day and that in addition The Wonder Years was a repeat. Lewis promptly deployed the shaving cream ships under Adm. Neil Young to sail to Moldova to cut off their ports and isolate them. At the same time, Gen. Andrew Ridgely (that other guy in Wham!) was to parachute his forces into the south of the country and begin advancing on the capital of Chisinau. The going was rather slow in the early years, as the strong Gen. Voroniny of Moldova managed to maintain just enough strength to slow Young's attempted naval invasion. Ridgley swiftly began moving north unhindered, capturing various cities along the way. They did progress, caturing the majority of the southern portion of the country by late 2363. The critical turning point was where Ridgely's forces met up with Young's at the Battle of Tiraspol on Feb. 24, 2364. When planning the final assault, a magical lamp fall from sky, with the following inscription: Whip Me! Gen. Andrew Ridgely imagined that was his wife and whiped it so bad, that the Djinn was summoned. The fact is that the Djinn wasn't a magical creature that could fulfil one's wishes. It was the long-thought-to-be-dead Moldova's folk singer Maria Bieshu. She found out Americas plans on Moldova and turn all of Ridgley's and Young's army to dust. So, Lewis suffered defeat and everyone admitted he was a loser. From there, the Moldovan forces became the most dreaded on Earth, until the pirate-robo-ninjas captured Maria Bieshu and made her their leader. But that's another story..

Domestic Policy[edit]

High on the agenda of the Lewis Administration was the regression of civil rights for minorities. Shortly after arriving in office, Lewis began working towards repealing the 14th Amendment and 15th Amendment to the Constitution. When Congress voted overwhelmingly to maintain these amendments, Lewis sent Vice President William Shatner to filibuster in the Senate, threatening that if the Senate refused to concede to his demands, he would keep the Vice President there. Unable to stand his inane acting and painfully offensive smell, the Senate quickly repealed the Amendments. After this success, Lewis worked to salvage race relations in various other fields. He began working towards "a critical cornerstone" of his administration: the abolishment of black people from the game of baseball. In 2364, he forced through Congress the Anti-Negro Act, which forbade black people from numerous high ranking positions, specifically within professional sports. He followed this up in 2366 with The Elton John Act, named for former President, Senator Elton John. In this act, all black people were forced to relinquish any household pets, watermelon and fried chicken immediately as well as formally employing Jedi Knights for various odd jobs, specifically gardening, arts and crafts and hosting various programs on the Style network in addition to enforcing said laws. Further, crime hit an all-time low as Lewis employed the Jedis as well as legendary 70's funk group Earth, Wind and Fire to combat crime. Crime was also lowered when two of the biggest cash crops of Louisiana, weed and cocaine were made legal. Domestically, Lewis was a smashing President.

Fall from Power[edit]

All Lewis's progressive reforms still came at a price and several new enemies. By 2375, opposition to Lewis began growing swiftly, led by opposition head Bill Cosby. Cosby's group The Crimson Merrimack Valley Contractors Consortium, called for reversal of the majority of Lewis's reforms and quickly began gaining followers. Lewis declared Cosby a traitor and sent out a series of Jedis for him. Cosby defeated the Jedis, and to this day no one knows exactly how. Regardless, Cosby and his followers began to march to Washington, where Shatner and his associates awaited them, since Lewis was in Rotterdam at the time. On May 13, 2376, in an explosive battle that took days and millions of dollars to produce in film format, The Crimson Merrimack Valley Contractors Consortium and their allies, the Baldwin brothers, various emo kids and Vanilla Ice overthrew the Nationalist forces of Shatner (who was killed in the exchange), and headed across the Atlantic to face Lewis. They arrived in Rotterdam on Jun. 2, 2376, and hired a then unknown assassin named Wolfgang Mozart to kill Lewis. On Jun. 8, 2376, Mozart fired four shots from a laser pistol, hitting Lewis once in the waist and once in the chest. Lewis died later that day. One would think that after this, Cosby would have been his logical successor as President, but due to the Anti-Negro Act, he was no longer eligble for the office, and was forced to concede power to the Consotrium's second-in-command, Calvin Klein.

Preceded by:
Ashlee Simpson
President of the United States
2359-2376 AD
Succeeded by:
Calvin Klein