Empire of Antarctica
|National Anthem: Foreigner - You're As Cold As Ice|
|Established||During the last ice age c. 10 ka|
|Independence||When hell freezes over...|
|Queen||May the IV (be with you)|
|Government||You do as I say!|
|Emperor||Sir Lord Emperor King Penguino IIV M.D. P.H.D. Esq|
Antarctica— the most powerful nation in the world. With a population greater than 70,000,000,000,000,000,000 people and/or penguins, its GDP is the largest of any nation. There is so much fun in Antarctica that it's often called Dreamland. It also has recently eclipsed Zimbabwe as having the highest per capita income. In 2004, Antarctica was voted as Homecoming Queen with a 72.5% majority.
The population has been slowly chiseling away the icy surface, trying to uncover Lake Vostok. Within 100 years, Antarctica will be a tropical paradise, with hundreds upon thousands of tourist resorts around Lake Vostok and it is already a utopia.
- 1 History
- 2 Early history
- 3 Soviet Takeover
- 4 The 2 Hour Civil War
- 5 Religion
- 6 Geography
- 7 Climate
- 8 Emperors
- 9 Capital
- 10 Government
- 11 Diplomacy
- 12 See Also
Formed at the dawn of time, the Antarctic Empire has always been sworn enemies of The Arctic Kingdom, led by the bloodthirsty tyrant Claws. The North Pole was almost completely melted away by kamikaze penguin pilots who strapped themselves to nuclear warheads and the 6,000 km to the Evil North-Land (penguins can fly, they just choose not to mostly because of how goofy they look).
A new campaign of global warming, initiated by Lord Claus who distributed coal to children around the globe, has melted Antarctica somewhat. But the theft of glaciers from Greenland in 1997 allowed some rebuilding of western regions.
The Empire of Antarctica is an empire that made its base somewhere south of the South Pole. It has made many attacks against Humans such as the Penguin Revolt of 2005. Its current emperor is now Jay the almighty penguin overlord who now commands the supreme imperial penguin army of dahooooooom after setting up a date between Santa, AKA Santa Claus AKA Santa CLAWS AKA The Kringle AKA Lord Claus AKA The Fatman AKA Nick and the previous 'occupant' Snuggle, the notorious "fabric-softener" omega-level polar bear, who gained power fairly (honestly, there is nothing wrong with his fabric-softening methods(in fact, he really is a nice guy, and soft and fluffy too) by overthrowing its former emperor Michael Moore in 2005.
Recently, a new hope has emerged under the banner of the IFF. The Icicle Freedom Front is a revolutionary organization formed with the sole intent of dethroning the evil tyrannical Emperor Penguin XXVI. Formed in 2009 in a secret bunker in the city of APCOGO they assembled from all corners of the South Pole. There they drafted a Declaration of Revolution. However, they had failed to find an ample leader. In September 2009, the delegates narrowly narrowed it down to - Patinator "Lion of the Sea" Weberr. Weberr was a philosphical teacher and at one time a tutor to Emperor Penguin XXVI that saw his wickedness first hand; Weberr could no longer stand it and vanished into the sea only to emerge as the IFF leader. However, he died from acute Dew posioning from his Mountain Dew addiction. Shortly after, it was found out Weberr was an Emperor Penguin XXVI infiltrator and enforcer used to root out and destroy the Emperor's enemies. Shocked by Weberr's loyalties and their own gullibility. Now there was only one to turn to: Crippdaddy. The descendent of the leader of the former revolution he was imprisoned in Williamston Hights - a secret military prison. In 2010 he escaped Williamston Hights known to many as "The Rock" to assume command of the IFF.
The Empire of Antarctica was founded in 666 B.C. by Santa. Santa ruled the empire until Year 0, when Buddy the Elf took over the throne. For the next 78 years, Santa plotted his revenge. Then, finally, he unleashed it, burying the Antarctic stronghold of Pompeii. In return to that, Buddy killed some of Santa's minions. Santa decided to wait until 666 AD, at which point he will overthrow Buddy. But when it was 666, Santa realized that Buddy was no longer emperor. The throne had been taken over by Chuck Norris by then. Santa tried to overthrow Chuck Norris, but Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him to Mars. While on Mars, Santa finally gave up trying to take back The Empire of Antarctica, so he started raising Martians and put them to work in a factory producing Mars chocolate bars.
For the next few centuries, Chuck Norris ruled the empire. Nothing much happened back then. But in 1337, Martians started invading Antarctica. The Penguins tried to hold back the Martian assault, but the Martians were too powerful. So Chuck Norris had to roundhouse kick the Martians back to Mars one by one. When he was done, it was already 1985 and Christopher Walken i had taken over the throne. Chuck Norris punched a hole in the ozone layer in rage.
Little Ice War
In 1800, American and Confederate forces, for unknown reasons, invaded the Antarctic Islands. A force of 8,000.37 American marines landed on the coast of Antarctica, but were quickly surrounded and annihilated by a force of 430 Penguin Royal Guards. The second, Confederate force of 1,056.0356 launched an airstrike at the Royal Palace. Their successful suicide mission took 9,000,000 lives with them in the explosion, and became know today as Antartica's 9/11.
Interestingly, just to surprise the The Penguin Royal Guards, mercenary Cola Bears were hired by an anonymous interest after the defeat of the American marines to destroy the Ice Caps. The Ice Caps are a major landmark in the Empire of Antarctica, as they are the largest shiny sign in the entire Empire, and so were of major propaganda value to the anonymous Cola Bear bidder. However the Cola Bears were unsuccessful in their attack and have since simultaneously converted to a tribe of vegan Polar Bears who only eat organic, green Penguins.
The war lasted for 40 years, with over 6.2400 casualties and resulted in the Earth being destroyed, until it was rebuilt by the Polar Bear Gods.
Great South American War
Reign of Snuggles
Snuggles "Pour it in the Rinse Cycle" Bear came to power as Emperor and named himself the Soft Fuzzy One during the instability caused by the Great South American War. He now has infinite powers. The Reign of Snuggles ended when Coca-Cola Blak began military operations on the continent, therefore declaring war on Antarctica. The current leader is Jay. Snuggles still reigns as the Fuzzy Soft One, the Archaereligious leader of quadrillions.
Jay the Devourer of Gummy Bear Vitamins
So far during the Reign of Jay there has been a record number of innocent deaths. In fact, the lowest number of any country ever. Due to this he is currently on trial for impeachment. His only defense, "I didn't realize the trouble I had caused by not killing the innocent. I mean, how else can you get green and red gummies without tearing off and switching their heads and bodies?" Not exactly what you want to hear out of the dictator of a powerful country.
In June 2006 the Soviet Union secured the entirety of the continent with the seizing of Cluck'Tak City (the capital) and defeating both Penguin Leader 1 and Penguin Leader 2 in a battle between them and Joash Goke alongside The Great Communist Jaguar. The take over was induced by increasing penguin violence across the globe, including the formation of terrorist groups, The Venice Uela conflict, and the unauthorized creation of a doomsday machine by the UN or Warsaw Pact. The Soviet-Antarctic war came to and end when all Penguin operations were halted on Penguin International Airport (PIA) located within the capital.The Remaining Penguin Soldier Prisoners were imprisoned or drafted into the Soviet military. The soviets enjoyed victory for almost ten minuts before the penguins regained controll. we cant tell you how the penguines mannaged this because the knowledge would destroy your mind.
George Bush III
In 2020 George Bush III, king of the United States of Canada, decided to declare a War on the Penguins under Soviet control, resulting in the bombing of the Empire. 3 trillion penguins were killed. But, the penguins unfroze Chuck Norris, who kicked Bush's ass, and ended the war and raped his wife.
The strike of 4000 Penguins
Despite the name, the strike was in fact organized by 4 penguins, who, had tried to overthrow the current leader, Megatron. They got annihilated when 400 penguin marines raided the rebels' hideout and slapped them to death with metal laser-shooting sporks.
The pointless war
In 2100 exactly, the Martian overlord, although his name has been lost through time, declared war on the Empire, and sent a fleet of 200 Death Stars and 4 million Mars bars in hope of destroying the current leader, Darth Vader. In response, Darth unfroze Chuck Norris from his cryogenic slumber and shot him into space without a spacesuit to kill the Martian fleet. Chuck destroyed 199 Death Stars and left one for Darth Vader to keep as a token of his mercy, and the 4 million Mars bars lost their potential destructiveness in the Earth's heavily carbonised atmosphere and fed the Empire for many decades to come.
The 2 Hour Civil War
This 2 Hour Civil War was started when a bunch of penguins wanted to swim in the water and a bunch thought it wasn't safe. So, the ones that wanted to swim shot 3 of the ones that didn't. Then the "Dry Ones" killed 3 "Wet Ones". So, the wet ones hoped in and were eatin by whales.
Antarcticans (mostly penguins) Mainly worship the mighty Lord Guin, a mighty living god and the mightiest of all the penguins.Although Most penguin rituals revolve around Lord Guin, they annually sacrifice gummy bears and peanut butter M&M's to Jamie, some sort of crazy ice princess. Jamie would prefer that the penguins sacrifice one of their own but they are reserved for lord Guin himself and she can't tell the difference anyway. If she ever finds out, she'll curse them by making them listen to reggaetone (whatever that is) for the next 100 years. Jamie is subordinate to lord guin, having been involved with him in college(eventually getting involved in an abusive relationship)
The Antarctic Empire consists entirely of snow, ice and more goddamn snow (as well as a few terraformed climates), but mostly snow. Most inhabitants live domed cities. The imperial capital is the largest of these cities and is located at the south pole. It's name The South Pole.
We have a problem. In order to describe to you on how cold it is in a certain place in the world, we would say that it's "as cold as Antarctica" However, this is Antarctica so it is impossible to describe how cold it is there, unless you've stuffed a larg block of ice up your ass, in which case, just imagine that - everywhere.
- Oscar Wilde
- King Penguino IIV
- Emperor Penguin XXVI
- King Penguin XXXVVIII
- CrippDaddy (current revolutionary leader under the IFF (Icicle Freedom Front)
The imperial capital sits on the south pole. It is creatively named The South Pole. It's split into several districts
The imperial palace is over twenty km tall. it contains a throne room, a council chamber, a senate chamber, a bridge, war room, a power plant, gym, various sports arenas and stadiums, a pool, a spa, a track, a hangar, a cargo bay and other storage rooms, science and research facilities, a prison, a mall, a zoo, a park, rooms and other habitation facilities, tens of thousands of people, farms, factories, food production facilities,offices, a shitload of weapons, barracks, an airport, a fire department, a police department, a hospital, a post office, schools , a university , restaurants, shops, offices, an engine room, an arcade, a dining hall, a theater, a movie theater, a concert hall, a library, a theme park and an the emperor,s personal quarters. the palace can be used as a ship and a mecha. it can travel faster than light. it is powered by the tears of children, kittens and puppies.
The emperors personal quarters
the emperor lives inside of his quarters which are the size of a mansion. he has servants, a harem, a private chef,a hot tube, his own pool and various other rich people things. This is where he keeps his vast supply of monocles, top hats and fancy suites.
The emperors personal ship. it can transform from a ship to a robot. it is usually stored inside of the imperial palace. it is equipped with Lasers,phasers,missiles,disruptors, photon torpedoes,proton torpedoes, and regular torpedoes. It's top speed is 6215134545 Dorfraps(A penguin unit of distance for which there is no English word)per hour.It runs on Baby seals
The Antarctic Empire is currently ruled with an iron fist by Sir Lord Emperor King Penguino IIV M.D. P.H.D. Esq, who demands unswerving loyalty from his subjects, and the occasional BLT sandwich. His favorite news channel and advisory is WPUN-NEWS. A legislature exist but the emperor has the final say in all affairs. this is the case with all branches of the government. There is also a president for the empire but he is also powerless.
Sir Lord Emperor King Penguino IIV M.D. P.H.D. Esq
Sir Lord Emperor King Penguino IIV M.D. P.H.D. Esq was born on February 7th 1901. He was the son of the current emperor. His parents (being total dicks) sent him to military school. After several incidents involving the mutilation of his class mates using scissors , knifes, box cutters, books, marshmallows etc he was moved from regular military school to Super Ultra Military school (A registered trademark of The Empire of Antarctica). He excelled there until the " Christmas incident" that took out seventeen of his peers. he was later moved to Super duper Mega Ultra Jumbo Supreme Deluxe Military school (A registered trademark of newrussiaistan that The EA is using because they can.) He eventually graduated 1st in a class of three. shortly after he killed everyone at the school.
Naturally he joined the Antarctic Military. He was Initially turned down for psychological reasons but through a combination of being royalty and taking orphans hostage he was allowed to join. He quickly rose to the position of general.The Emperor Fights using his royal sword. It was expertly forged for him by the finest craftsmen in the empire.
Being batfuck insane he has a rather large list of war crimes.these involve rape, murder, torture and such stuff. this is both done indirectly by his orders or personally by him. He is proud of this. he carries a war crimes checklist just to make sure he gets them all done.
The Battle of St. Bigglesworth
Upon capturing the city of St. Bigglesworth (Jawbreaker Capital of the World) rounded up all the citizens, locked them in tiny cages and then burned the city. he then ordered his soldier to defaecate on the ruins. he then burned them again.
Torture And executions
Many of the citizens were tortured and killed , some for interrogation some for his own amusement.
There was rape too. A LOT OF RAPE!
HE RAPED AND KILLED A PUPPY!
the genocide of the fluffy Kittie people
Exactly what it sounds like.
Medals and Such
He has earned many awards, Most of which he made up for himself.
He ha so many medals on him that you cant see his uniform. he would never be able to use a plane if he wasnt emperor.
He Is the Most Perfect Emperor ever. I totally wrote that of my own free will and was not threataned.
- The Soviet Union (or else.)
- The undeads of Warcraft, because his king live in his frozen WC.
- The Soviet Union (took them over and controlled them for seven minutes in 1967.)
- The Evil Ones of The Arctic Kingdom
- Easter Island
- Those damned Avian Rangers