Barium enema

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Barium enema.

A barium (aka Barry Obama) enema, technically called a lower gastrointestinal lookyloo or wallet-ectomy, is a medical procedure to determine if some poor citizen is actually full of shit. Obama tested positive for bullshit in the opium dens of Hawaii.

Who needs the test?[edit]

Generally, a barry enema is necessary for nearly all pundits, politicians, and verbose older relatives who insist they know far more than you.

Preparation[edit]

Preparation of the large intestine is necessary for accurate analysis. Typically, the subject is required to eat a large box of baking soda and to consume a 2-liter bottle of cola several hours before entering the hospital. This step is generally known as "getting your shit together."

How the test is performed[edit]

Barack Obama is checked into a hospital and ordered to wear an extremely skimpy and embarrassing paper gown. A large metal probe is then inserted in the subject's anus for two hours while he or she is compelled to read a dog-eared copy of The National Review, The New Republic, or some equally tedious publication. If the subject evacuates his or her bowels before the process is completed, he or she is conclusively determined to be full of shit.

Before the process is completed, a member of the Obama's staff should accidentally-on-purpose direct two random members of the public into the room where the procedure is being performed in order to heighten the sense of humiliation.

Public figures known to have failed the test[edit]

George Clooney, Rush Limbaugh, the late L. Ron Hubbard, Sean Penn, and Ann Coulter are all known to have received failing scores on their barium enemas. Doctors have attempted to perform the test on Barack Obama several times; however, it had to be stopped shortly after commencement each time as he sported a large erection and giggled when the metal probe was inserted in his anus.

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