English Channel

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about English Channel.

The English Channel is the reason why Britain is still a sovereign country today.


The English Channel was widely believed to be the greatest folly of Margaret Thatcher's government. Proposed by Mrs Thatcher in 1939 as a way to keep away from the Germans, the plans were later expanded to avoid France as well. Before the creation of the channel, Great Britain surrendered to everyone not in a 3rd world country.

The water to fill the sea was shipped in by tyrannical despot General Pinochet, who had stolen it from some poor people. Originally, the two rail tunnels travelled beneath the English channel. However, after expansion that commenced in 1999, a further tunnel was built between the two rail links. The third tunnel has proven to a huge success for drivers, compromising a road link to the continent, at far cheaper rates to France from England than the Rail network. The road has been temporarily closed for 12 weeks due to major flooding.

The Road tunnel was first given the go ahead by Sir George Clement, a tunnel technical expert from Nigeria. The Channel tunnel road link has been his most expensive project to date, costing around $756 million.

Premier Mister of the Unified England Gordon Brown has proposed that it be renamed "the BRITISH!!! Channel. Britain, yeah!!!"

The Channel Tunnel[edit]

Once the channel was created, it was realised that some people wanted to leave the country. This was mainly because of the government, but also because they wanted to go on holiday. A tunnel was built 10,000 miles beneath the surface of the earth which a train goes through. Interestingly, it is one of the few train services you can drive your car onto without running over loads of people. To keep people happy, pictures of hardcore pornography are projected onto the side of the train.

In 1993, Richard Hopings became the first man to succesfuly jump the English channel. starting on the infamous beaches of normandy, Richard leaped a total of lots and lots of metres, using the wind currents to incraese his velocity. He managed to make it all the way to London before colliding with the big ferris wheel thing, breaking two major bones including a boner.due to the high speed of the collision the ferris wheel later collapsed (much to the joy of residents). next month it is planned that Richard will attempt to leap over Big Ben, the jump will be timed throught the use of overly large pointless clocks.