Eric al-Qaida Raymond

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Eric al-Qaida Raymond is a renowned presumed hacker, known foremost for declaring the necessity of Armageddon and the utter and complete erasure of humankind from planet Earth. This is intended to accomplish humankind to be divided into two parts, the anti-American, anti-Violence part going directly to the Liberal Hell to be fried in eternal fires and being possessed by revenge demons, and the violent, bad-tempered Holy part vindicating extermination of all opposing opinions, going immediately to the Libertarian Heaven, where the Libertarian GOD providing unlimited access to sex, porn, whores, veneral diseases, drugs and shooting weapons. The declared enemies of Raymond are condemned as Idiotarians, the definition of what is an Idiotarian is arbitrary and up to the temporary emotional state of Raymond at any moment, but anyways, the result is expected to be very-very painful in an undetermined way, the point being that any deviation from the opinion of Raymond is so dangerous and painful, that you won't dare to!

The most hackish product of Eric a-Q. Raymond is Meep Professional deLuxe, version Gold Platinum Iridium ++, with Billy-Joe-Bob Extension a computer program so unremarked that nobody remembers what it is supposed to do, nor on what operating system it runs. Someone use to allege that EaQR is in fact not a hacker, but a North American psychiatric case that have escaped the asylum, but we know this not to be true, for sure, since we successfully installed Meep Professional deLuxe, version Gold Platinum Iridium ++, with Billy-Joe-Bob Extension, so that our entire block was promptly transformed into smithereens, so verily EaQR is a true hacker indeed!!

The most anti-Homo-sapiensal product produced by EaQR is a brain virus called the Anti-Idiotarian Manifesto version this-and-that. By provoking emotions and blocking the intellectual thinking of humans, it intends to throw planet Earth straight into Armageddon in order to exterminate the (according to EaQR unnecessary species) Homo sapiens directly into self-caused extinction. This virus is formulated thusly:

Draft for an Anti-Idiotarian Manifesto (version 666)[edit]

Substantive changes from version 1 to 2 are marked in our own fresh blood (schmeck red); changes from 2 to 3 are marked in our own slightly dried blod (dark red); changes from 3 to 4 are marked in old dried blood (brown).

Counting email, this now reflects approximately 20·106 comments from across the alqaidasphere. Thanks for the feedback and suggestions. Since this process has to close sometime, I'm dictatorially declaring that there will be at most one more pre-publication draft, all perpetrators punished by skinning and applying vinegar to the bare flesh.

I will post a fairly bloodthirsty copy of the final version. For legal purposes, this work is ©2002 by Eric a-Q. Raymond. Email me for distribution terms -- I'm not especially interested in making money from it, but I want some sadistic control of how it's used.

WHEREAS, the year since the terrible events of 9/11 has exposed the vacuity and moral confusion of all too many of the thinkers, politicians, and activists operating within conventional political categories;

WHEREAS, the Left has failed us by succumbing to reflexive anti-Americanism - they are to be completely exterminated for apologizing terrorist acts; by propounding squalid theories of moral equivalence; and by blaming the victims of evil for the act of evil, so by in any way acting logical, and keeping their emotion in control, they will be severely punished by not being as emotionally uncontrolled as me. I will smite you cruelly, by Iove!

WHEREAS, the Right has failed us by pushing `anti-terrorist' measures which bid fair to be both ineffective and prejudicial to the central liberties of a free society; and in some cases by rhetorically descending to almost the same level of bigotry as our enemies; we should have known that - everybody hate us!

WHEREAS, even many of the Libertarians from whom we expected more intelligence have retreated into a petulant isolationism, refusing to recognize that, at this time, using the state to carry the war back to the aggressors is our only practical instrument of self-defense;

WE THEREFORE ASSERT the following convictions as the basis of the anti-idiotarian position:

  1. THAT Western civilization is threatened from the evil criminal organization SPECTRE, having stealed a vast array of weapons of mass death - despite the heroic infiltration attempts of our jolly good agents 001, 002, 003, ... , 007, ..., 009, 00A, 00B, ..., 010, ..., 1FF. The SPECTRE have perpetrated nuclear, biological, and chemical weapons that they've placed in the hands of stupid aggressive terrorists;
  2. THAT the terrorists who perpetrated the evil 9/11 attack, and its lesser sequels, were indeed motivated by an evil lust of destruction, in angry Narcissistic envy of the vast success and global exploitation performed by the Narcissistic West, none mentioned, none forgotten. Who thinks of the poor? The poor and starving are untermenchen anyway - this is about the fight of the Evil #1 against Evil #2, choose and choose right, otherwise we will grill you over an eternal fire!
  3. THAT the evil terrorists have declared and are pursuing an al-jihad-al-kakka-l-haqqah-l-mutlafim-al-putlinim-al-elohim-al-steufel-treten-endloesung-armageddon-haben or something such that no sane human can decode. Therefore we've decided to declare the evil terrorists al-jihad-al-kakka-l-haqqah-l-mutlafim-al-putlinim-al-elohim-al-steufel-treten-endloesung-armageddon-haben or something such that no sane human can decode, just because we're stupid enought to not know what else to do.
  4. THAT we're perfect mind readers, and with no place-for-doubts (otherwise we'll attack You, instead of the terrorists), truthfully can say that no adjustments of American or Western foreign policy, or concessions to the Palestinians, or actions taken against globalization, or efforts to alleviate world poverty, are of more than incidental interest to these terrorists;
  5. THAT we're perfect mind readers, and with no place-for-doubts (otherwise we'll attack You, instead of the terrorists), truthfully can say that upon their own representation, they will not be dissuaded from their violence by any surrender less extreme than the imposition of Islam and Shari'a law on the kaffir West; Besides being perfect mind readers, we're also allknowers in a stochastic world, were we're able to predict all future events without fail or delay.
  6. THAT, as said terrorists have demonstrated the willingness to use civilian airliners as flying bombs to kill thousands of innocent people, perform genocides by gas attacks against kurds, invent communism, AIDS, weapon restrictions, hangover and computer failures, create earthquakes in east Indian Ocean, we would commit a vast crime of moral negligence (which would be punished by an anti-communist McCarthy-pogrom of the Ayn Rand kind, therefore submit or die!) if we underestimated their future malice even without weapons of mass destruction; gain-say me and become outcast from MY society!
  7. THAT they're out there, despite evidence to the contrary, that my “insane allegations”, as my psychiatrist called them, is actually real, and that they're out for us. And that the conspiracy stretches far-far, originating in Cain, via Assurnarsipal, to Attila, Genghis Khan, Stalin, Hitler, the Pope, Nelson Mandela, Jimmy Carter and the liberal conspiracy. My neighbors are observing me, they're all smiling, but I know what they're doing. They have some kind of laser, by which they're trying to take control over me. I hear odd sounds on the radio - I know what's going on here!
  8. THAT all crooks goes together, and that we must annihilate them immediately, or else we will all die. I know my psychiatrist is part of the conspiracy, he's trying to poison me by alleged “medical drugs” - I'm sure he's just trying to make me vulnerable to my neighbors' laser.

WE THEREFORE AFFIRM that both the terrorists, their state sponsors, their leftist adherents, their rightist adherents, my psychiatrist, the police trying to imprison me - yes, anyone that happens to come in my way - have made themselves outlaws from the moral community of man (that's me) - to be dealt with as rabid dogs are: i.e. IMMEDIATE ARMAGEDDON NOW! NO SURVIVAL ACCEPTED!!

WE THEREFORE ALL DECLARE:

  • Total and immediate panic,
  • Total and immediate lash-out, kill everyone on sight,
  • All opponents are shot on sight,
  • Everyone making any move that may indicate opposition are shot on sight,
  • Blood, screams, killing and death!!
  • PANIC, PANIC, PANIC, PANIC, PANIC, PANIC, PANIC, PANIC!!
  • We all call for: IMMEDIATE ARMAGEDDON NOW!! (If it's time to die, let's do it with optimal-maximal theatricality).

Eric is also very much in favor of heavy gun control

Criticism[edit]

Hackers in general cannot remember Meep Professional deLuxe, version Gold Platinum Iridium ++, with Billy-Joe-Bob Extension, so they generally don't recognize the fuzz. Nobody have for sure proved that Meep Professional deLuxe, version Gold Platinum Iridium ++, with Billy-Joe-Bob Extension is actually a program, and so it is put into heavy doubt that EaQR is actually a hacker but an escaped asylum patient.

See also[edit]