Eric the Red

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Eric.

Eric The Red orEirik Raude in Norwegian (950 - 1000), was a viking. The words "The Red" form his nickname. His name is The Red because he had red pubic hair. He got banned from Norway because he was an American pot activist, he wasn't religious and he killed a lot of people. He went to Iceland, where he stayed for some years. A certain moment his slaves were killed, and Eric wanted to take revenge. So he killed again. He was banned again. When he got banned, he took his ships, and headed for a unknown country. Finally he reached the yet called "Greenland". He called it Greenland because of the giantic cannabis fields he planted when he arrived. Because of Eric, Greenland became the richest country in the world. Exporting products like: Eskimos, fried fish, iron, coal, ice and marihuana.

Eric had a son, Leif Eriksson. He left his father because he was religious and he didn't like the way his father went through life. Leif planned to seek land, just like his father did. That is when Leif discovered America. Because of his religion he decided to start a very strict and religious colony. Better known as the Amish (That's why they all have beards, They're vikings actually). This is when and where Leif introduced a new sport; Sheep-fucking. Contests were held, and even nowadays, they are held in areas like Greenland, Belgium, New Zealand and Afghanistan. He chose sheep-fucking because he didn't have many chances to have sex because of his religious background.

== He is fucking awesome. ==


Eric died peacefully on Greenland. In a place called Brattahlid. His grave can be visited in Smokerzplaze, a little town near the Northpole.

Even though it's 1000 years ago, there are still people influenced by Eric. For example music artists like "Amon Amarth" or "Týr".

Interesting Facts[edit]

Eric is said to be a far ancestor of Bob Marley. Most scientists support this theory, because of genetic matches. There also are people who are saying Bob was just his artist name, and that he had a real viking name, being "Boberic Smokesson". However, scientists have never been able to find indisputable evidence to support this theory.

Even though it hasn't been confirmed about Bob Marley, it has been proven that someone in the Dutch city Helmond is family of Eric. His name is Simon. He is best known as "Red Simon". This male is a marihuana addict as well.

There is also a rumour that says that Ron Weasley (famous by Harry Potter) is a relative as well. This could be really true if you look to the boy's stoned face. Also, the cake Harry and Ron made, to make them look like someone else, was a spacecake. A spacecake containing marihuana.

The conclusion can be made that Eric has a big family full of junks around the world.

Eric had a lot of mighty friends, to name a few: Julius Cæsar, Joseph Stalin, Mao Zedong, Donald Duck and of course Elton John. Leif, his son, had other friends. The most famous of them was the Pope. But Leif is also sighted with Piet Hein Donner, Kobe Bryant, Oscar Wilde and Osama Bin Laden. However, the friendship with Osama did not last for long, due to differences in religion, which affected their behaviour. Eventhough they were arguing all the time, Osama still feels himself bounded to the ancient vikings. This is why he has the giantic beard, and still does the by Leif introduced sheep-fucking contests.

Eric's Music Career[edit]

Eric's love for music has made him one of the first country/blues artists. Here is his discography:

  • Sweet home Greenland (970)--- Eric's debute, where he expresses how much he likes Greenland.
  • The desert of snow (973)--- The album tells about the snow on Greenland.
  • Cowboys, Indians and Norsemen (980) --- This album contains a lot of mixed folk
  • Oh lordy, pick a bale of cannabis (982)--- Written for the hard life the people had
  • Eric The Red ft James Brown (983)-- This album sold best.

His albums were selling best in Iceland, Norway, Jamaica, Canada and Texas. He won the MTV Awards in 997, which made him getting accused for being too commercial. However, his fans stayed true to him.