From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Proper Etiquette da' way me daddy taught me.

ello' there poppit *snort* i'm ear to inform ya all bout' this ear Etiquette shinatigance, you see this umm.. Etiquetteness is also known by me and the boys down at de' ol' wateren hole as rich foke talkin, ya see its some made up code that governs the expectations of social behavior *spits*. Its this some bloomin unwritten code that tells ya whats normal or not Generally these ear' bloody rule of this ear' etiquette vary depending apon who dis da' biggest fucker in sa bar at da' time.

Etiquette for dem' Solicitor types[edit]

we dont take kindly to strangers round' ear, *fart* so to prevent your pretty arse being beatin off I've included some important rules for when you may be encountering foreign cultures as such.

American Etiquette[edit]

  • When going out to dinner, don't bother asking where the locals eat, just look for a giant magical yellow ark/M
  • Go nude with different thongs suited to the occasion
  • Avoid disturbing others with loud music or unnecessary noise. However, this rule does not apply when in ones car, on any form of public transport or in ones own home
  • Arrive an hour later when expected or not at all
  • Generally be nice to other people
  • Adjust balls with the left hand while appearing to be wiping your hands on your napkin
  • When aiming a gun at a rival gang member, place both hands on the weapon
  • Always say d'oh when something bad happens
  • Start singing Surfin Bird

Japanese Etiquette[edit]

  • Commit seppuku upon even the slightest breach of any other rule of etiquette
Note: there are too many remaining rules of Japanese Etiquette to possibily enumerate them within the space of the internet

Nicaraguan Etiquette[edit]

  • When stabbing a bellboy it is considered rude to stab in an upward motion
  • Never clean up the mess
  • Have a nice cup of tea with Colombians

Columbian Etiquette[edit]

  • When stabbing any member of a hotel's staff, always stab in an upward motion
  • Always clean up the mess
  • When a Nicaraguan asks if you want to have tea throw a pie/atomic bomb/ anything of your choosing at him

Brazillian Etiquette[edit]

  • If it is not Carnival, do not wear tassles on your breasts.
  • When hosting the olympics stay away from Obama
  • Always braid your hair.
  • Don't watch the brazilian Simpson episode in the presence of a brazilian native

British Etiquette[edit]

  • You must accept any and all cups of tea offered.
  • A queue is final. No pushing. No shoving. No sly shuffling. It's the law, but who cares?!?!?!?!.
  • It is considered rude to ask how much someone earns. You are simply expected to guess. Their tone of voice, car and house are usually an indicator.
  • Don't mention the war.
  • Always say tally ho and 'ello before starting each sentence

Mexican Etiquette[edit]

  • Apparently it is not acceptable to assume that everything can be translated into Spanish by adding "el" at the beginning or "o" to the end of all words.
  • When talking to a person from Mexico always start with pendeja(bitch)
  • Start a burrito fight
  • Ask for ketchup on your taco

some sure fire ways to fuck with this ear' "Etiquette"[edit]

if you really somthin' and ya' wanna' screw with shit dat' ya' shouldint ears' some great tips:

  • take out your testicles in public
  • sell your Children
  • steal your grandmothers blood
  • dont wear socks
  • wear too many socks
  • wear one sock
  • on your foot
  • take a poo in your garden
  • walk around nude wherever you go