Eva Braun

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Eva Braun

Eva Braun was born Eva Hillary Braun in 1912. She languished in a period of celebrity in Germany, during the late 1930's and 1940's, when she grew out her moustache and hooked up with a politician, whom she thought could help Führer her career (get it!). She became the First Lady of the Third Reich and the Second Lady of the Fourth Reich. She later changed her name to Hillary Clinton. ORLY?


Eva planned to launch a singing career in Poland in 1939, as her boyfriend promised her a captive audience. However Shirley Bassey travelled back in time and stole her original composition, "Big Spender". As her boyfriend got busy dealing with other things, Eva's quest for fame was put on the back burner.

After the death of the dictator in 1959, Eva changed her name to Hillary Clinton, because Jackie Kennedy had already been taken. She began a successful career as a teacher in Maryland. Reports say that she once killed a man with a fender guitar, but details are sketchy and nobody is saying anything.

Eva was the star of Gone with the Wind with Michael Gilar. The movie was directed by George Carlin and Ron Jeremy. Ron Jeremy also directed Showgirls, starring Pamela Anderson, Christie Brinkley and Kyle Martino.

In 1992, Eva Hillary Braun tried to be the Hottest German Teacher Who Had A Relationship With Hitler. However, Lindsay Lohan won the price, and so Braun began stalking then-President Bill Clinton.

Just so y'all know, she is the dad of Bob "Squirts 'Til it Hurts" Faggot.