Eva Longoria

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Eva Longoria is today a world famous mastorbatory aid to teenage boys everywhere but few are knowledgable of her troubled past.

1975-1986 The Ukraine Days[edit]

The I Love My Long Whore Doll before the incident.

The I Love For Ever My Long Whore Doll was made as a Ukranian sex toy for the oppressed masses dreaming of screwing the American Dream in 1975. However, 10 years later after an unfortunate incident caused by her distracting a clearly drunken "technition" with her lactating breasts (a feature not included after the 1986 I Love For Ever My Long Whore Doll for this very reason) she was involved in a meltdown. Almost miraculously the doll was largely unscathed, due to the fact that Polish slaves make incredibly resilliant merchandise, apart from a slight charring, enlargement and animation. Finding herself fully moveably and almost human if not plastic the I Love For Ever My Long Whore Doll decided to leave Ukraine and persue as non-Soviet a lifestyle as is possible.

1986-2000 The Mexican Days[edit]

The I Love For Ever My Long Whore Doll ended up in Guadalajara where she changed her name to Ever Long Whore and because she was made of plastic and had no soul became a lap dancer and prostitute. Her smooth plasticy-ness pleased customers and her name spread although due to her drunken Mexican patron's slurred speach and desperate need to attatch an "ia" at the end of everything she became known as EVA LONGORIA

2000-Present The U.S Days[edit]

Finally having earned enough money to pass the border in a crate Eva made the journey she had dreamed of. Tired of just being advertised as the American Dream she was finally going to persue it herself. She broke into television and she took on memorable roles such as the U.S's favourite hooker housewife Gabrielle Solis. Rumor has it that she is planning to quit the unprofitable T.V scene and attempt a comeback at her whore career.