Every breath you take

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Every Breath You Take is a death metal song by Sting and The Cops. It is about a pedophile thinking about his next victim.

Live Versions[edit]

During the live performance of this Dimebag Darrel and Jimmy Page volunteered to play guitar and bass, respectively. Five minutes in to the performance, Sting got chased off the stage, ironically by the real cops because he looked like a pedophile and the band was at a lost of what to do. Mr. Page started to sing but Dimebag took over and igniting a savage brawl between the two. The drummer, meanwhile, provided explosive sound effects. Page was quickly killed and Dimebag was paralyzed from the neck down.

Page hit God and Jesus on the head (and knocked them out) with a magically produced double neck guitar and ran as fast as he could down his Stairway to Heaven which collapsed behind him. He soon found himself in Rio de Janeiro and the cops there proptly arrested him, for paralyzing Dimebag and sentenced him for extreme community service. The British saw this and awarded him the Order of the British Empire because he helped Brazillian orphans.


Meanwhile, Dimebag was shot by a generous fan to put him out of misery (he would die anyway). He reapeared in Texas along with Oscar Wilde, Darth Vader, the rest of Pantera, and an Asian Chick claiming to be Cowboys From Hell. The asian chick didn't like being called a cowboy and soon ran away and married Jimmy Page.

Dimebag and the other Cowboys From Hell promptly became terrorists, yelling "WHAT IS MY NAME?" and promptly answering themselves by saying revolution. They took their asian chick back and held Jimmy Page and the author of this article on ransom for revealing the facts above. If you have 700 billion dollars or a guitar shaped like the confederate flag, please contact the Cowboys From Hell.