Evita (movie)

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Evita is a 1996 motion picture that attempts suicide by doing away completely with character, plot, dialogue, and narrative structure in favor of a series of songs that are sung, for the most part, either by Madonna or her spokesman, Antonio Banderas. It shows how a poor bastard girl sleeps her way to the top, becoming first a singing actress and then the singing first lady of Argentina, inspiring the whole country to burst into song about her (always about her). The message is as simple as the string of songs: if Eva can sleep her way to the top of Argentina’s entertainment and political heaps, any girl anywhere can do the same in her country. Girl power is not a matter of intelligence, imagination, perseverance, dedication, diligence, or hard work. It is a matter only of sex (and of being at least minimally attractive, which is to say, as attractive as Madonna).

The plot, such as it is, consists of sung references to actions that seldom, if ever, actually occur on the screen and, when they do, take place as if they are nothing more than visual effects to dramatize the song lyrics:

  • Eva Madonna’s father dies
  • Eva Madonna sings
  • Antonio Banderas sings
  • Eva Madonna is expelled from the funeral because she is a bastard
  • Eva Madonna sings
  • Antonio Banderas sings
  • Eva Madonna attaches herself to one actor or director after another, becoming a rising star in the entertainment world
  • Eva Madonna sings
  • Antonio Banderas sings
  • Eva Madonna meets Juan Peron
  • Eva Madonna sings
  • Antonio Banderas sings
  • Eva Madonna becomes first lady of Argentina
  • Eva Madonna sings
  • Antonio Banderas sings
  • Eva Madonna “helps” topless Argentine people
  • Eva Madonna sings
  • Antonio Banderas sings
  • Eva Madonna dies
  • Eva Madonna sings
  • Antonio Banderas sings

Eva was a B actress, which should, perhaps, have warned Madonna away from the part, but, being herself a blonde, the singer seems to think that playing a B actress would make her a superb songstress. She ends up as neither.