Umm...what the shit?
No, I'm not talking about shit, I'm talking about exploding animals.
Exploding animals have been with us since the Prehistoric age: most dinosaurs could detonate themselves if they felt their lives were in danger. They would commit suicide, but who cares? They also would have killed that dickhole that attacked them. So in conclusion you can say that the dinosaurs were the first suicide terrorists in history.
Such an existence, however, came with a price tag: the explosions would only get bigger and bigger, until matters came to their logical conclusion one day, when Clebus the Clownosaurus tried to pull a prank on Mr T-Rex. This however had catastrophic consequences: both Clebus the Clownosaurus and Mr T-Rex combusted and exploded, instantly killing all dinosaurs. Luckily, Mr T-Rex had already made love to a helluva lot of animals, so that his race would not die. And it didn´t.
And Clebus the Clownosaurus? Who cares? He was just a stupid excuse of a dinosaur.
You´re joking, right?
Hell no, and they were not the only examples of exploding animals. As explained in several news reports, the largest group of exploding animals can be found in the Middle East. Most of the exploding animals over there are exploding camels. Exploding camels are the biggest cause of causalties in Iraq as of today: more the 87 percent of all causalties in Iraq are closely related to a camelbomb.
Since the discovery of the exploding animal, a vast and profitable black market has developed. It has been estimated that more than 89 percent of all exploding animals are illegal.
Luckily, in the United States, the exploding animal has yet to become a subject of Congress.
That´s because exploding animals are
really stupid top secret gadgets which most of the normal people of the world have no knowledge of.
They still think that their goldfish is nowhere near dangerous. If only they knew.
No, wait, that just might be a good thing
You CAN'T be serious
Oh, but I am.
Now I will explain the mechanism of the exploding animal.
To show you how to use an exploding animal, we´re going to take an exploding cat, for example.
- The first step is to closely inspect the animal. Is it complete? Are the welds properly done? Is the detonating mechanism complete? If the answer to all these questions is "yes", you´re ready to begin.
- The second step is to verify your target. Is it close or far away? Is it a moving target? And most important: is your target a foreigner? I mean, you DON´T want to kill one of your own men.
Really, you don´t. I know what you were thinking, but it ain´t gonna happen.
- The third step is to fire the detonation mechanism. When you have a throwing weapon, you usually pull the tail. Otherwise you pull the trigger (in the case of a gun or cannon).
- The fourth step depends on how the projectile will fly. Make sure you throw the animal far enough to make it explode in a safe way (for you). If this is not done correctly, you have succeeded in using an exploding animal.
Alright, that´s it. Stop it.
Jesus Christ, what is wrong with you? You´ve been bitching to me all night!
Well, this is simply fucking retarded
No, it isn´t. Everyone knows about these things. Hell, even Wikipedia itself mentions exploding animal as legit content.
No FUCKING way
Yes fucking way. I told you it was the real deal.
Look, you can whine all day like a little bitch, that doesn´t make it any less real.
Man, fuck you, I´m out of here
FUCK YOU TOO!
Alright then, go!
WTF IS THIS???
Okey Dokey then
Okay then, just don't a splode.