Extreme Makeover: Home Edition

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Extreme Makeover: Home Edition was a popular TV show airing during the early part of the 21st century. Every week, for an excruciating 60 minutes, the show embarrassed average people down on their luck by exploiting them for higher ratings, lucrative endorsement deals, and pretending to give a shit about their lives until moving on to some other American household. The presumed premise of the show was to give a deserving family a ridiculously expensive mansion, fashionable furniture, drug money, pimped-out car and a closet full of designer shoes for free. But the real premise of EM:HE was to showcase the acting of the moderately talented cast members. People in this shows are free loaders. Family members would usually earn an all-expenses paid trip to Disney World, and were all instructed to wear some form of Disney paraphenelia when shown at the park, or else they would not get a new house. Seriously, doesn't Disney have enough money?

Close-ups during highly emotional segments were de rigueur, especially when crocodile tears were flowing with reckless abandon. In a recent episode, homeless shelter residents were forced at gunpoint to shop for winter clothing at a local Wal-Mart. Upon exiting the store, the poor folks were publicly humiliated when EM:HE cast and crew played a game of "Frisk the Indigent Shopper." They exagerate the emotions.

At the end of each episode, Donald Trump would show up with a meat-ball pizza and fire the family. The producers then took everything back and moved the family out as part of a government-sponsored witness relocation program. All products used on the show were sold for pennies on the dollar on eBay, with the proceeds going to Ty Pennington's Hair Plug Fund.

The Swan: Home Edition[edit]

After the introduction of plastic-surgery related makeover programmes such as The Swan, followed by the inevitable self-help books like Open-Heart Surgery for Dummies, the producers of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition decided to cash in on the obvious trend by creating a series in which a hapless neighbour is invited to perform plastic/cosmetic surgery on a family member. The results are then shown the next day on national television; hilarity inevitably ensues.

Show Cast[edit]

  • Ty "Richie Rich" Pennington - Design Team Leader, Shirtless Carpenter, Sears Flavor-of-the-Month, Resident Jackass with ADD.This probably explains why he always likes to say "Wanna see some more house?"
  • Donald Trump - Pizza Delivery Boy
  • Michael Moloney - Team Gay and gerbil keeper
  • Paige "Polyanna" Hemmis - Token Female Carpenter in Charge of Wearing Pink All the Goddamn Time and Strange-Looking Teeth
  • as they say on Gilligan's Island, and the rest...
  • Ty Pennington has had quite a few affairs with Paige Hemmis.