F.E.A.R

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“I used to have visions like that too, until I cut back on the LSD.”

~ Oscar Wilde on the Point Man's visions

F.E.A.R is a first-person Shooter developed by Big-Rock-Stone-Thingy productions and Published by Buenos Dias games. It evolves chasing around a small scary girl called Clarence in here never ending search for Baking Grease. She needs the baking grease for some cookies that she needs to be put out for her Girl Scouts club in the morning.


Story?[edit]

At the beginning of the game you work for the Federation of Erratic and Arousing Reverends (F.E.A.R), a sect of crazy priests who believe that the only thing important in life is helping small girls find ingredients for girl scouts. During the course of the game you move through a neighbourhood of Scary Clowns, encountering several bosses along the way, including zombies, Pikachu and a rare type transvestite who attacks with a giant "spear".

Wanna buy some Cookies?

The final boss in the game is Paxton Fettel and evil man who will do all he can to stop Clarence from retrieving the cookies. He is a gay rights protester who didn't like the way certain Homosexual are stereotyped (dirty bummers) and blamed the girl scouts for their racist views. He once attempted to assonate their leader Hilary "Hitler" Clinton (the wrestler). Although it the attempted was foiled by mobile secret agent Steven Hawking. As a result of this Fettel decided to eat all the cookies in the world to stop the trade in Girl Scout cookies, which has been linked to prostitutions in the past which pissed clarence off and made her hungry for vengeance her powers can turn you in to a crumbly cookie.

As a F.E.A.R member you are told to eliminate him once and for all, but you have to be stealthy as he has the last packet of premium Maryland’s. He also has a bottle of Head and Shoulders which you need to survive.

It's not blood, it's cookie dough...

Characters[edit]

This section covers you, your jolly merry crew and the beetles living under your bed. Congratulations.

The Point Man (You)[edit]

Your a Reverend, it's explained above, you should just read it. I'm not gonna write anymore. Ok, fine then your the illegitimate son of a man with a strangely high amount of organs, lets say 26 and the Prince of Persia. You can slow down time e.t.c. However, contrary to popular belief you are not the son of Neo, although you are a distant relation of Jackie Chan.

Paxton Fettel[edit]

Paxton fettle is the illegitimate son of The Cookie Monster and the Gingerbread man from Shrek. He always hated his to fathers since they represented his hatred of Cookies and the Republican Party (Although I just did contradict myself, since they wouldn't be Republican Homosexuals). He was born with both genitals, but the doctor had to make a call. This was probably the result of having two fathers, although know one can be sure. He is in love with Arnold Schwarzenegger and is a gay rights protestor and all-round Jewish entertainer. He is often seen stroking schoolboys' satchels and is gay-bashed by Hilary Clinton and her band of crazed Girl Scouts.

Alma/Clarence[edit]

A distant relation of Josef Stalin (the pornstar), she will kill anyone who disagrees with her views on world capitalism and racial intolerants to all (especially The Scottish). She is a devote worshipper of Hilary Clinton and a member of the Friends of the Nazis.

Genevieve Aristide[edit]

An elderly whore said to have serviced German soldiers during the Second World War, now head of Armacham Teazers Corporation, a company that manufactures prostitutes. Although she never actually appears, presumably due to her embarrasing ugliness, it can be safely assumed that 'she' is a cross-dresser, since any company run by an actual woman would inevitably collapse within a day.

Harlan Wade[edit]

An employee of Aristide, with whom he apparently has a stormy but obsessive love relationship judging by the numerous obscenity-filled phone messages he leaves her-she's probably his dominatrix or something. He is proud of his daughter's position in the Girl Scouts, and convinces his company to make massive donations to the them...though occasionally he requests free, uh, 'cookies' from some of the eight-year-old girls in return.

David Smith[edit]

A one off character who smells