FOAF

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FOAF (rhymes with loaf) is the acronym for Fvck Off Ancient Fogies. FOAF is the youthful new news source people around the world are turning to when they tire of the 24/7 commercials on CNN, FOX, and Al Jazeera network.

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FOAF news reporters[edit]

FOAF lives on the cutting edge, sweetie, therefore no need for reporters. You might have thought the hot babes and hunks delivering the news were actual people, but of course they were CGI's. FOAF isn't the first media organization to take advantage of artificial reporters. NBC began the trend in the early 1980's with the creation of the chunky, lovable, humanic weatherwoman Oprah Winfrey who later went on to become the CEO of the United States. Later it tested the waters with CGI news reporters Katie Couric and Matt Lauer. As of this writing, Al Roker is the only genuine human on the morning show. CGI designers have been known to lament the creation of Tom Brokaw and Stone Phillips. They were concerned the public might spot the outmoded 8 point facial body language polygon and realize they were fake, but to date no one seems to have noticed.


Technology[edit]

FOAF relies on intercepted spy satellite photos including the ones which can see through rooftops and clothes as well as audio files from police precincts around the world which use the relatively unknown microaudio listening system which can hear through cement walls 3 feet thick. FOAF knows all and is almost as omnipotent as it is omnipresent, although like Superman, is unable to see through lead. FOAF also makes liberal use of hidden camera technology and draws it's sources from cameras hidden behind traffic signals, street lights, gas station dumpsters, bathroom air freshners, sewer grates, and common light bulbs. The only time FOAF can't see your crotch is when you get your teeth x-rayed at the dentist office.


FOAF's future[edit]

FOAF is continually expanding it's audience and technology. By the year 2015, it plans to have a cam on every corner and a recording device in every cell phone. FOAF's slogan is "MUWAHAHA".