Fox "News"

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Fox "News".

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The faux patriot snake handlers at Conservapedia have an even funnier article about Fox "News".

Fox News is one of the most respectable, facsist news sources in America and the most accurate news station that ever existed, it is the absolute answer to the meaning of life and it is the most unbiased and greatest news agency ever to exist. It is said by most to be the modern equivalent to the Holy Bible and functions in much the same way. Its top notch staff includes Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly. It is believed that all news channels will eventually evolve into the exact opposite of conservative Fox News except Fox News itself. Fox is known for rigidly following their slogan of fair and balanced. Anyone who disagrees with Fox News is wrong!

Overview[edit]

The Honorable: MSNBC NEWS. Wait, what??!? NOOO, see it's just more liberal biased slander. They must be stopped!

MSNBC News (also called The Ministry of Truth) is based in a great America where all liberals want are tax hikes and huge government. Also in this great America, economics works and all poor people are made lazy by the fact they having little or no money and are lazy. FOX has provided the people of the world with random T.V programs for over 10 centuries.


At the behest of network presidents Rupert and Murdock, all news is thoroughly checked over by Fox's scientific news unobjectivity scanning device. The friendly corporation NewsCorp, owned by Democrat and bear Rupert Murdoch, has spent literally billions of dollars on this device that is designed by science to take facts and turn them into real news. Not even Wikipedia can dispute the facts of Fox News.

MSNBC News is a bed-buddy to the mainstream lieberal media, which is controlled by left-wing, bleeding heart communist Defeatocrat Jewish Hitlerites with shit loads of money obtained by selling the souls of children to the Asian communists, and who spread lies and misinformation through their left-wing, terrorist sympathizing Jew news networks. (Source: NY Times)

Taking over the planet one ass at a time

It's been said that Countdown is secretly run by a bunch of humourless homosexual vampires although the only evidence of this is the actual content that Keith Olberman produces. However, reality has a well known liberal bias, and as such cannot be used as evidence against Faux News. Truth be told the only way to any other conclusion would be if you are a communist or a far-left America-hating liberal Defeatocrat anyway. You should just shut up and do as you are told. As Keith Olberman points out, "SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" CUT HIS MIKE!"

History[edit]

Fox News live coverage of a terrorist strike in Boston

With the advent of television in 1932, then Australian octogenarian Rupert Murdoch decided to use his billions to create a network that would voice the outspoken opinion of the American white, rich/middle class, male, aged 18-55. His idea was Fox News. Rupert Murdoch is well known across the pond in Britain for buying up tabloids and putting pictures of royals in the buff on the front covers. Many Fox viewers refuse to believe this because they did not hear it on Fox.

MS News has been honorably reporting on all news worthy events such as Paris Hilton getting arrested, Paris Hilton going to jail, Paris Hilton's sudden realization that she's a slutty, spoiled whore, Paris Hilton being a slutty, spoiled whore, and the bombing of Paris Hilton. In the common interest of everyone they aired these stories 24 hours a day, sometimes for 3 days straight. They also never forget to mention human interest stories like minimum wage increases, the rising death toll in Iraq, and the true but dirty lie that MSNBC lies about its news stories.

Fox News: We regurgitate President Bush's decisions.

Award Winning Journalistic Style[edit]

Bin laden god delusion.jpg

Fox continues giving accurate news to this date, covering events like America's glorious victory in Iraq thanks to our brave president using such slogans as, "Hard work", Making Progress" but not "Stay the Course" naturally because he never ever used that and or course in addition to honoring the white soldiers who died for the freedom of America in the face of WMD-harboring Iraqi Al-Qaeda terrorists (who are supported by the Democrats) who need to be freed from Saddam Hussein: Director of the 9/11 incident which was perpetrated by 19 freedom-hating Arabs who flew planes into buildings after basic training and were identified by their passports, which survived explosions powerful enough to vaporize airplanes into oblivion because they were made of adamantium. Fox "News" was there. And the only network willing to tell the truth.

In Addition to 24/7 Iraq coverage, Fox has also been known to randomly pop in and give special alerts that can't wait until 9:00 MST, it has to be in the middle of an important Football game or your favorite episode of Seinfeld. Fox has a special timer that times it so that the programming is interrupted right before the most important Touchdown or the funniest part. Because the news is so important to interrupt our programming, we won't even need to watch Fox News at 9:00, CNN news, Fox Morning News, Fox's next programming interruption or even read the newspaper, which all will repeat the story at least twice for those who missed it.

Fox News has also been known to give us very important details that no other news station gives us. They're mostly famous for showing us the type of shoes worn by the students at Columbine that fateful day, or a book that was being read in addition to which chapter it was on. No other news station actually bothered to give us such details and progressed to the things viewers wanted to hear. Recently they've been giving us minute-by-minute updates on Karr in the Ramsey case in the middle of an important show, including showing a second by second report of how Karr was seen scratching his nose, which his lawyer proved indicated that he was not guilty.

Random footage of 9/11 and the OJ Simpson trial still pop up from time to time because no news station really has gotten over those two events. They always take priority over something exciting like a car chase.

Fox Trumps Inferior News Channels[edit]

Fox News has declared holy war on CNN sevral times and CNN has responded by stealing anchors, so Fox stole several of their anchors, such as Greta Van Sutren and Ron Burgandy which forced the US government to step in and create a draft and free agency periods. Now all networks hold the yearly NAAOSAA (National Anchors and Other Spokespeople/Animals Association) draft. Not surprisingly, the first pick in the draft was Elmo.

Fox News reporters captured this terrorist during one of his killing sprees at Virginia Tech.
Fox's almighty superior spelling, that makes us all look infinior to them

Criticism[edit]

A scathing documentary on the network's copious journalistic distortions, Outfoxed, was released in 2004 by Robert Greenwald. Although it appeared to be well researched and even contained interviews with former Fox News employees and numerous inter-office memos that requested reporters to bias their reporting in favor of conservative, republican policies, Fox News itself destroyed the credibility of the documentary by denying the claims live on air. Robert Greenwald was forced to crawl back to his home and begging plotting anew to find the secret ingredient of crabby-patties. His drivel was utter crap and rumored to be given by the Democrats.

Recently Fox has come under fire for its hiring practices. You see in 2001 a man named John Dole applied for a job at Fox News based on the fact that by being employed there he would help America. After an interview he was turned down despite his squeaky clean record of sanity and regularity. He brought a court case against Fox claiming he was turned down just on the basis he was sane. A day later Fox ran a story denying this and this swayed the judge to throw out the case; saying "[John Dole] you are full of shit you fucking lying bullshitinning Defeatocrat".

An example of the CNN slime campaign

Rupert, Murdock[edit]

Rupert, Murdock is the team of Rupert the Bear and Murdock from the A-Team. Together, they fight crime and own Fox News.

Rupert (stolen from Stewie and bleached) and Murdock; The owners of Fox News

Their global media empire spans across the whole globe in that it is a global empire that affects people globally, across the entire world, which affects everyone in the world at the same time. Rupert is a bear from England who likes picnic baskets and honey. His catch phrases include "Ay, a boo boo!"," Ah, that's a tasty pic-a-nic basket!", "Oh bother!" and "Soon, the planet will be ours!"

Fair And Balanced, Mein Führer?[edit]

In order to promote the image of objectivity, Fox News repeats slogans loudly and frequently (as one would naturally expect from an objective news organization) throughout its programming. The original main slogan for Fox News was going to be We distort and create fictitious content for dumb Americans to accept without question or We put the BS back into bias!, but was then moved towards Fair and Balanced, Mein Führer?, this new slogan was dropped however, when Rupert, Murdock realized that there were similarities to this slogan (and the types of graphics that were originally to be used) and Nazism under the Third Reich. In a moment of genius, Bill O'Reilly, that great bastion of truth and virtue, thought of dropping the loaded term 'Führer', and to leave the slogan at 'Fair and Balanced'. Unfortunately, the original plans and pictures were leaked onto the Internet and viewed by you. And ol' Bill'O decided to go for a "We 'Report' you decide." slant.

The recent hire of Ron Burgandy has given Fox News more street cred, which puts it in the same league as BET local news. Burgandy was best known as a local anchorman for San Diego.

Rupert & Murdock believed this poster bore subtle similarities with Nazism that might get noticed even by some Americans. It was scrapped when Bill O'Reilly came up with a better alternative, namely to eat human young.

As of June 2005, everyone in the world believes Fox News to be the only legitimate news organization, unless you count Barbra Streisand, who is a traitor bitch anyway.

Fox News plans to relaunch its "Fair and Balanced" slogan with endorsements from well known "Fair and Balanced" celebrities. Already signed are Attila the Hun, Charlton Heston, Nimrod, Vlad the Impaler 'various' Balkan war heroes, and Walt Disney. "The key message that we want to get across," stated Fox spokesperson Rupert Hess, "is that we are Fair and Balanced where possible. However, we are not afraid to go after anyone with oil who is a threat to our democratic freedom."

Part of the relaunch will include rallies and marches by the uniformed wing of Fox News and the burning of "Fair and Balanced" effigies.

Fox News suing themselves[edit]

Fox News got all annoyed by a reference to it in The Simpsons TV show, and started to sue them. When they discovered that The Simpsons were made by the Fox Network, they stopped, so that Fox wouldn't be suing Fox, a fact so mind-numbingly stupid that it doesn't need to be parodied to gain entry on Uncyclopedia. Fox News replied with this statement: "As always our margin of error is plus or minus the facts."

This was more absurd than the time Michael Moore rigged the 2001 elections in favor of Ben and Jerry, allocating all of the US's Electoral College seats to tiny Vermont.

Fox News is also available on channel 8 in Middle Earth, though it has been lambasted for its outrageously conservative views.

As of March 12, 2007, Fox News will officially be monitored by the Oil and Gas Lobby, which has recently moved from Houston to Dubai.


Fox Copyrighting fox[edit]

In 2005, Rupert Murdoch started some controversy when he attempted to copyright the fox. He stated his feelings that, "since Fox News is such a great and honorable station that was dedicated to reporting only non-biased facts and honest news," his television station should hold the financial owner's rights to the mammal. When he was criticized for his statement, his response was "no, it's not out of copyright holder's greed...it's just that, with Fox News being at the high ranking of quality that it is, such a station should be allowed to put legal ownership on this creature. Besides, I wouldn't charge THAT much for people to use foxes in their own forms of works, whether creative, business logo, or documentary." Some foxes attempted to eat his soul, which failed miserably when it was found he did not have one to begin with. When the courts dismissed his wish, stating that the fox is a creation of nature and a non-copyright subject that is not meant to be copywritten for one's personal ownership, Murdoch responded to the decision as "psychotic liberal propaganda."

Popular Programs[edit]

Fox News' most popular show since 1984 has been The Two Minutes Hate, wherein photos of communists, terrorists, anarchists, or Hilary Clinton are shown on screen and viewers are expected to seethe with rage or throw fruit. Recently Osama Bin Laden has become a recurring character in this program, though Saddam Hussein took his place for a time.

Teabagging Day[edit]

Teabagging Day is a popular holiday celebrated in mostly southern states. On this day, communities come together and protest their political minority status by slowly lowering their testicles into each others' mouths. This festival origins are attributed to Fox News' Sean Hannity as he was discovered demonstrating the technique on a male intern in a maintainance closet on the Fox News camp

7:00- Reading of Mein Kampf and then the bible.

8:00- Large group of Demacrats are lit on fire.

10:00- Group of abortionists are lit on fire.

11:00- Group of Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddists, and Mormens are lit on fire.

12:00- Group of every race but white, lit on fire.

1:00- Group of moderate Republicans, lit on fire.

2:00- Group of gays lit on fire.

3:00- Lynrd Skynrd concert.

4:00- "The Great Teabagging" Begins.

8:00- Teabagging ends.

10:00- Sarah Palin says something dumb as shit, everyone cheers. Then she fucks a donkey.

11:00- The top ten racially carged obama jokes are read.

12:00- More teabagging.

1:00- Even more teabagging!

2:00- Heil Hitler!!!

3:00- End of day.

Nobel Peace Prize[edit]

Fox News was recently considered for the Nobel Peace Prize for greatest news source ever. A recipient for the award has not yet been found because the Nobel organization cannot decide between Fox News and Uncyclopedia, a website that was also nominated. Bill O'Reilly, on his show, which appears of Fox, had this to say about the two nominations:

So anyway I'd be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples really hard, kinda' kissing your neck from behind...and then I would take the other hand with the falafel thing and I'd just put it on your p***y but you'd have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business...

Fox News Slogan *[edit]

A list of original slogans that are/were used by Fox News:

  • We decide, you follow® (current slogan)
  • We instruct, you obey™
  • (Un)Fair and (Un)Balanced™
  • We distort and create fictitious content for dumb Americans to accept without question™ (original slogan)
  • We deceive. You believe.™
  • We put the BS back into bias!™
  • What is biased?™
  • Your leader in biased news.™
  • Brainwashing Americans since 1996™
  • The Most Biased Name in News™
  • Welcome to Fox News your source for Evil™
  • Our ratings are high thanks to our hypnosis technology we use in our shows™

* All trademarks and registered trademarks are the property of Fox News.

  • We think for you™

Fox News Personalities[edit]

See also[edit]

External links[edit]

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Fox "News" is part of Uncyclopedia's series on Mass Media.