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Fred Phelps, one of the few remaining pure bred Fags is a direct descendant of the ancient city of Faggatiss. Phelps currently resides as Reverend Fag at The Westboro Baptist Church of Fags. He was also featured in the film, Poltergeist II.

A fag is used by bringing the opposite side of its butt to your mouth and sucking after lighting them up... this is said to give a relaxing buzz feel, but many people find it to be gross. A common thing today is burning the fags. This kind of protesting is common, but it just releases the fag's smell which is thought by many to be a horrid smell. It is for this reason that many US restaurants dedicate a special section to fags. This section, which is usually very well decorated, is often marked clearly with a sign that says SMO KING. This stands for Shoneequa Moneequa Olivia KING, a famous drag queen who is said to have put many fags to her mouth in her day.

Marilyn Manson, the undertaker, and bozo the clown- this guy's a conglomerate of them all! his favorite store is hot topic but a lot of his accessories are found around the house. his mother's makeup, his father's ties, and his sister's socks have all been donated towards the cause of this outfit. Two years ago, he had blonde hair and an abercrombie-wardrobe, but that all changed the second he first heard my chemical romance playing on a random myspace page. from that moment on, his entire existence could be summed up with just three words: "i'm not okay." His obsession with such (not funny) angst-ridden music is sort of ironic since he hasn't suffered a day in his upper middle-class suburban life. his favorite songs revolve around girls covered in blood, nightmares with knives and setting his friends on fire, yet he is terrified of getting a shot.

Anyone still dressing like this past the age of 16 should seek immediate psychiatric help.

But He loves colorful rainbow signs.

There are many types of fags, according to this guy God hates them all and they're all going to Hell, if you read the Bible - which of course most people don't.

  1. Poopy Fags/Branden Mock(What now BiAcH???)
  2. Faggot McFags
  3. Noob Fags
  4. Gay Fags
  5. Hobo Fags
  6. Gaiafags
  7. newfags
  8. Runescape Fags - Juan Luis E, Jaimy Vandien, Frycook80, t4st3 th4t(Branden Mock), Alec Hawkins
  9. Tripfags
  10. Hops Sports
  11. Daniel

In the late 1800s the first species of fags were discovered, where? It is still a mystery, but studies have shown that fags usually get beat up by some gang and still live and be cocky about it.

Obtaining fags[edit]

A pair of fags in their natural habitat, some sort of art exhibition

The common process of obtaining, or "bumming" a fag is a tradition that has been around since the days of Adam and Steve in the book of Genesis (but only after the archangel Peter Gabriel left the book) To bum a fag, you simply place a cigarette in your bumhole and keep it there. Then when someone asks you for one, you make an excuse to leave the room and remove the fag from your bum hole. Give it to the person and when the fag is lit, the scent of your bum will fill the air. At that time you may laugh and laugh. One way to spot a fag is to observe his rear end as he walks. If his hips pivot, like a female, chances are he is gay and so are you for looking.

Recently, the Human Genome Project has discovered the gene, that makes oneself a faggot. The definition of a faggot is as follows: a male, who is better than you in every aspect - including their career, love life and socio-political choices. In addition they also have a keen fashion-sense. Because of one or more of the above, most self-righteous, pit-fucking straights are extremely jealous. Anyway, the gene has been tracked via government records. This method is used in Kazakstan, for purposes of state sanctioned murder, and in the US so that these "fags" may be laughed at. To detect the faggish gene, simply observe the suspected "faggots" behavior. After about 3-4 seconds, you should be able to successfully classify them as having the faggishness gene. This physical traits will be: Being bloated, talking with some gay ass REAAAALLLLY annoying lisp, red hair, and one who openly practises incest. Also, a thin barrier of blue mist may be seem emitting from the indivdual. In advanced cases, such as the case of the faglands, Purple mist may become apparent, in which the indivdual is soooo faggish his mist has turned purple.

The fagishness gene may also produce these types of behavior:

  • Playing Runescape or some other gay RPG for hours on end, while only slowly whispering the games title to themselves
  • Inadvertent screaming of "RUNNNNNNEEEESCAAAAAPE!!!" At random instances
  • Wearing stupid faggy gaywad shorts every goddamn day
  • Pissing themselves, laying in the puddle of the urine face down, until someone gives them money, as a manner of income.
  • Bragging about being raped in a locker room
  • Talking with a stupid stutter {fucking genius, you must have an IQ of 25 - congratulations! that means you beat your 'stuttering' lover by an unbelievable 0.0002} in which "heh heh heh" is repeated perpetually {as if I needed anything more to prove my point}
  • Public masturbation in which the fag is staring at a picture of Barbara Streisand [ergo he cannot be a fag]
  • Crying like a fag and destroying whatever it was they were playing (when they lose), while pissing their shorts and muttering inconsistent profanities.
  • Wearing diapers until their 16 (or their whole life, depends on severity)
  • Editing this page by writing things in parenthesis such as "ergo, he cannot be a fag" to defend your condition from further ridicule

Faggishness is a hereditary gene, and can usually be tracked through a family. Approximetly .000002% of the human population is effected by the condition, and this is apparent mostly through public displays of incest. Yes, incest is a major symptom of Fagishness, as is crying like a pussy when you die in Runescape, while you piss your faggy shorts. Anywhoooo, fagishness research is currently spearheaded by the Albanian government, making the world fund for Fagishness reaserch, somewhere south of 539.00$ Many People are blighted with the condition, most of which seem profoundly fond of flauting their condition. These include Justin Timberlake, Tom Cruise, Mitcheal Hilliard, Dane Ryan, john travolta, Kim Jong Il and Collin Farrel. In addition, it has been reported that Micheal Jackson is 14% fagish, on his mothers side.

There is no known cure for Fagishness. Like its close genetic disorder relatives, Gayness and Super AIDS, all have failed too treat Fagishness. Any efforts result in the scientist being forced to commit suicide, due to that stupid ass lisp, or the fact that the patients calves are constantly exposed.... the forced sodomy isn't helping the cure effort either...

Fagishness prevention is essential, as the genetic disorder, is incredibly contagious. Methods of communication of the pathogen include touching a fag, licking a fag, going inside a fags house, looking at a fag for more than 3 minutes straight, and playing Runescape, or Gamecube. Prevention is underway globally, though due to a global budget of 539.00$ (The fags who are supposed to deliver the money to the world anti-Fag headquarters in Geneva, Switzerland usually end up giving handjobs behind their armored trucks, or crashing their cars while playing runescape on their laps while driving) the effort is somewhat..... minimal. To be absolutly sure not to become a fag, be sure to dawn a bio-hazard suit, when entering a Fagishness positive area, such as a warehouse used for orgies, or France. Other prevention includes, wearing a condom that is too small for you 24/7, have a girlfriend, and for gods sake, dont play MMORPG's that have "scape" in the title.

Typical Fagishness[edit]

<most faggs are actully foot ball players*> The door- Typically fags will invite you over to their house, while constanly saying "heh heh heh" Eventually they will take you to the back door in which they will invite you to admire it. After akwardly staring at the door, they will kick it in and begin to laugh. Eventually they will turn to you, shove their bloated fingers in your face and say "whhhhhyyyyy jaaaaaa dooooooo that???!1??11?" You will then be sued for thousands of dollars.

The couch- They put couches with free signs on them. Then when somebody comes to take it, they yell "heh heh heh they're stealing ma couch!!!!11!!" They will run after you while crying/pissing themselves until you get sued for,........ you guessed it, approximatly 600 times what the couch is actually worth. (Their shitty 2 dollar davenport would yield a 1200 dollar profit for the fag, which would probably be spent on adult diapers)