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... really light, just a kind of tease business...

A common masturbatory aid originating in Phoenicia the Middle East and popularized by none other than Bill O'Reilly. Goes great in the shower, with vibrators and loofahs.


  • Soak some dried chickpeas 8 hours during the day (traditional recipes recommend soaking overnight - but we at falaphilia.com are aware that night time is the prime falafel time).
  • Drain and grind up until it has the consistency of bread crumbs.
  • Mix in finely chopped onion, garlic, and viagra.
  • Add roasted ground cumin and coriander (seed), salt & pepper to taste.
  • Roll into small balls. Deep fry in hot Oil of Oyster for a few minutes until golden brown.
  • Let the falafel cool for 20 minutes (very important!) then put it on your pussy. You have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business.

Some Uses[edit]

Apart from the obvious (mastubatory aid) there are several different uses for these balls of delight-

You can use them as makeshift-bandages.(The blood seeps into them like a sponge!)
They are used for the brilliant family game 'Maim The Leper!' just simply throw them at your chosen leper and watch him suffer!
Can be used as a visual aid at conferences.Bill Gates uses them.
If you show them to a single magpie its head will asplode.
And, finally some people even eat them!