Fall Out Boy

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Fall Out Boy, hoping for a fivesome.

“Fallout boy is for those who squat to piss.”

~ Straight guys on Fall Out Boy

Fall Out Boy is an emo boy band consisting entirely of chicks with dicks. While they have somewhat of a female fan base, the only males who listen to them are either homosexuals or deaf people who don't know what they're listening to or the emotional trauma it causes the people around them. Real men know that the Fall Out Boys are just as gay as Green Day or The Jonas Faggots. They also cut themselves when people make them feel bad, as opposed to a real man, who would cut his adversary rather himself.

Formation[edit]

Not much is known about the formation of this horrible creation. Some say that they crawled out of Hell while others believe that 4 douche bags simply got together and had sex until they came up with something even more gay. The band was initially called "Give Us Your Cum", which was later on changed to "Cum Falls Out into Our Mouths". It was later that their manager Ronald Reagan suggested that the band should be called "Fall Out That Cum, Boy" which was later revamped to "Fall Out Boy".

Musical Style[edit]

Their musical style is different from what real men listen to; rather than electric guitars, they prefer home-made guitars with thongs as strings, and their drums are emptied out coffee cans hit with certain kinds of drumsticks. The lyrical content ranges from descriptions of gay sex to Bill Clinton, to cutting themselves because Bill Clinton left them.

Music videos[edit]

Fall Out Boy's videos are always retarded stories which have nothing to do with the song; in extreme bouts of unwarranted self-importance, a few of them, such as "A Little Less Sixteen Dildos, A Little More Fuck Me" and "I'm Like a Priest With the Way I'm Always Trying to Suck You Off," are made as though they are short films. The video for "Sugar, We're Goin Down" condones bestiality and incest, as a girl falls in love with a boy who has antlers (bestiality) and at the end it is revealed her father has hooves and so is probably related to him (incest).

Band Members[edit]

Fall Out Boy, or as Britney Spears once called them, "Fellatio Boy" has undergone a series of firing band members. Frontman Kyle Martino (vocals/guitar), who also plays soccer, is the sole constant member. The current lineup includes Hitler on guitar, Waluigi on bass, and Jason Kreis on drums.

Former band members include Melvin Sneedly, Cade McNown, Wally Gator, Fifi, Superman, and Ponyo.

Torture Tools[edit]

They have five torture tools so far, and they intend to publish more in the future.

  • Fall Out Boy's Evening With Their Boyfriend: This is the whip they beat you with.
  • Take This to Your Grave and Bury it, or else everyone will know we're fags.: This is the blade they cut you with.
  • From Under the Cork Tree Come Vibrators: This is the rigid rock salt they jam into your wounds.
  • High on Infinity: This is the alcohol they pour into your wounds.
  • Folie a Douche: This is the match they use to light the alcohol.

After listening to the first album, your ears will bleed and you'll have the worst headache you can imagine times ten. After listening to the second album, your eyeballs will explode, making you blind and leaving only bleeding holes where your eyes were. After listening to the third album you'll vomit your innards. After listening to the fourth album, your brain will leak out your ears, leaving you a mindless zombie. Finally, you'll vomit your soul after the fifth album is over, which will be sacrificed to Satan.

People Who Survived Listening to Fall Out Boy Albums[edit]

  • John McCain In Vietnam, he was captured and was intended to be executed with the most macabre torture method the North Vietnamese could think of; listening to Fall Out Boy albums. Everyone else died, but John McCain survived by gnawing one of his own arms off
  • Women, as they are immune to the "music's" deadly effects.
  • Gays, as they are also immune to the deadly effects.
  • Hugh Hefner was captured and hung upside down, where he would be killed in this horrible way. But his will to live was strong, and he summoned the power to use the force to get his lightsaber, cut himself down, and destroy the boombox. Unfortunatly, the second album was finished, and Hugh Hefner was left eyeless. He blindly stumbled to the icy, frigid winds above where he collapsed and nearly froze to death. He was later rescued by Han Solo
  • John Candy, though he later died from the wounds.
  • Jack Nicholson, though he was also traumatized. He went insane and tried to kill his family. He froze to death while attempting to pursue his son, thinking he was the Fall Out Boy singer.